When I woke up, I found myself lying in the air within an empty, black space. I don't know how I was floating or even breathing, but I didn’t care; I was somehow alive.
I decided to try to maneuver my way towards a random direction to get to find some kind of flat ground. I needed to get my bearings and that proved to be impossible while floating in midair. I wanted to sit down and think. I started waving my hands and legs around frantically, as fast as I could to get myself stable. That didn’t work at all.
I was sent flying into random directions; left, right, up, down, diagonal, you name it. I went into different loops and movements that I didn't even know were possible at all. I felt sick enough to the point of almost vomiting, but I didn't really want to get barf all over my clothes.I couldn't think about movement anymore. I had to think about something else.
I thought about happy times and fond memories. Like the time I made mochi with my mom. That was really fun. Or, the time I went to go see a movie with her when I was a young girl. I never remember the movie, but all I recall is that I was happy my mother seemed to be enjoying myself.
... Are all the good memories in my head only about me and my mother? I kept them deep in my mind and heart away from all of the shitty, unimportant memories that I refused to touch—even if I was ordered to do so by God. I started to rack my brain for anything else, but I couldn't recall the last time I enjoyed myself without her. Being depressed in her absence made sense, as she was the light and salvation in a bastion of darkness that I had surrounded myself in.
I could only sigh as I made myself depressed once more. On the bright side of this very black dilemma, I was now able to stay still and the feeling of sickness had subsided. I could easily make myself think calmly and rationally. Right, why am I here? What's going on? How did I end up in this shithole? I dug through my brain trying to find the reason why I was stuck in such a bizarre scenario. I hoped that I could find some locked gate that would bring me the pure and golden truth.
Nothing. I couldn't figure it out. Now was the time for me to fully analyze my surroundings to get a better understanding of where I might be and figure out a game plan to get myself out. I looked around my immediate location and found nothing but black. My frantic stares to find some sort of life were simply met with silence and gloom. It was as if I had been thrown into a cosmic black hole, unable to escape my uncharted destination.
There had to be some kind of blindfold that was covering my face. That was clearly the only logical reason why I couldn’t see anything, right? Frantically, I lifted my hands to my face, hoping to remove whatever might be covering my eyes. There was nothing on my head. Was I cursed to be blind forever?
This wasn't good. This really wasn't good. I became sick to my stomach again. I whipped my head around, hoping that I could catch a glimpse of something, anything but the oppressive shadows that were stealing my vision. Maybe if I went fast enough, the darkness would melt away...
Nothing else was there. No one else was there... I was all alone in this deep, endless space, waiting for nothing. I raised my hands to my face in hopes that I could see them.
This had to be some kind of sick joke! I had to voice my complaints to someone. I needed to try to get the attention of something, anything! An ugly man, a disgusting insect. . . I didn't care. Anything's better than being alone in this lightless world.
"Hello? Is anyone there?" I screamed as I floated in the air, hoping that the environment would change with that single voice. I prayed that something would burst and then everything would return to normal.
There was no response. No movement, no vibration… Even the echo of my own voice had been stolen from me. I felt cold inside as I stared into eternal nightfall.
"Please! If there's anyone out there, just reply back to me! I don't care whether you curse me out or anything, just help me! Please, for the love of God!" I shouted once more, goosebumps rising in my flesh, searching and hoping for some kind of reaction. I wanted something to make me feel safe. The world couldn't be this cruel, right?
It seemed as though the world would come crashing down on me at any moment. I was a tiny ant about to be demolished under the heel of a mindless kid.
I started to cry. I curled up into a ball and let myself float away to wherever this place wanted to take me. I didn't care anymore. Just let me bask in my sorrow and let me die of dehydration. Let me out of this hell.
Suddenly, I heard a snap. I quickly turned towards the noise and to my complete and utter disappointment, the only thing to greet me was the natural darkness.
Then, there was light. A single dot rose from the blackness before a holy brightness expanded so rapidly that I found myself blinded by the intensity. I quickly raised my hands to protect my eyes from the incoming blast. The strength of the beam made me feel as though I was getting burned from the flash itself.
As soon as the glow softened, I moved my arms away to witness the birth of something. Flames spread and burned across every inch of space like snakes crawling through the grass. A lone circle floated in the air, decorated with various symbols I couldn't recognize. Their beautiful colors were mesmerizing and I almost forgot where I was.
A man popped out of the light and presented himself with a simple bow. He had a white bowler hat with a dark orange feather attached to the yellow brim. His tuxedo was completely white and his red gloves had strange insignias that seemed to parallel those on the circle. Grey dress shoes adorned his feet as he stood perfectly still.
He looked at me and I got a full view of his face—thick eyebrows and a thin moustache sitting atop his heavy goatee. I instantly recognized him: that was my old gym teacher, except for being pleasantly fit instead of grumbly and fat.
"So, this is the little lady that promised me everything for that little miracle, hmm?" I blinked as I stared at him in confusion. I opened my mouth to reply and was suddenly sucked downwards.
The light disappeared. My heart thumped hard within my chest upon the possibility of being put back into the dark abyss. I could only tell how fast I was falling from the queasy feeling in my stomach and the sensation of my hair being pulled from my scalp. As quickly as it had vanished, the light returned, growing brighter below me as I traveled closer to it.
A cerulean blue platform came into view. My heart raced; I had no way of stopping myself from colliding with the floor. I didn’t even want to imagine the pain of impact from falling at this speed.
I tried to pull my knees upwards. I could endure a broken tailbone, but not broken legs, knees, and ankles. The floor was approaching faster, closer… I closed my eyes waiting to become a crimson stain on the ground. Then, all of my momentum slowed. I hovered in the air for a moment before my feet gently touched the solid surface.
The man stood there proudly, with his hands behind his back.
"Um, who are you?" I managed to ask.
"Who am I? Well, humans have made many names for me, but I am simply known as God." I looked at him as if he was joking. He seemed unphased as he did another dramatic, yet simple bow.
When he looked back at me, my heart froze. His face was different now. The smug grin, thin eyebrows, and clean shaved face were too familiar. I could never forget those ugly, thin-frame glasses and disgusting rosy cheeks. There was no doubt about it. That face belonged to my father. I felt rage in my heart as I stared at the bastard that had left my mother.
"Change your face," I demanded with an icey reply. He put his hands up in a placating manner with a chuckle exactly like him.
I hated this so-called God already.
"Oh, the lady doth protest too much, me thinks." I gritted my teeth and curled my hands into hardened fists, ready to pummel this guy for being such an asshole.
The next thing I knew, I was launched away at a rapid speed, landing hard on my back as I started to gasp for air. What the hell just happened?
"Now, now, Kamiko. Calm yourself. You should be pleased. Grateful even. No... those emotions are far too weak for how you should be feeling. You should be drowning in shame for having such a terrible, treasonous thought. How could you think about trying to hit
God
? That's a blasphemous act beyond reproach. But, since I am a merciful being, I may or may not deliver another punishment upon your feeble and wretched soul." He started to walk forward. His shoes made sharp clicking noises that erupted throughout the stage as though they were stabbing into the world. I instantly realized that he could read my thoughts and I felt like an idiot.
He was
God
. What kind of god doesn't know what their creation is thinking? Him reading my thoughts should have been obvious.
I tried to move, but my body could not fight back. I could only lay there gulping for air as I was held in place by some invisible force.
"I go through all that trouble to make sure your dearest mother lives and you give me nothing but disrespect?" He was now standing right in front of me and I could see into his eyes.
Within that brief moment, I could see everything. I witnessed infinite stars, planets, and worlds being destroyed and rebuilt in an instant. I watched as infants cried before being slaughtered like animals. I saw the full life-cycle of every human and countless worlds with infinite timelines. I knew, truly, this man was God.
There were no doubts left in my head anymore. I felt so small and scared.
"No, no, no, no, no! Please, please, do not look into my eyes! That's rather dangerous, even for a spiritual body like yourself! I don't want a potential toy like you to be broken before I can use it, you know?" I stared at him, gaping at his remarks. Did... did he just refer to me as a toy?
"Yes, dear child. I did exactly that. After all, the world's a stage and I am the master in control of everything. Some pokes here, some touches there, and everything makes sense, no matter the circumstances. For example, how I altered your dying last words." ...What did he mean by that?
He looked at me with an odd expression before sighing. "Seriously, I keep forgetting that humans lose all memory of their own death upon reaching the spiritual realm. Let me fix that for you, Kamiko."
He flicked my forehead and suddently, I could recall everything. Tears fell from my eyes as I turned to glare at the man before me.
How dare he. Even if he is God, how could he? How depraved was this monster to change a person's last desires to inflict pain on another?
"Why?!" I asked angrily, pouring all my emotions into the word. They came pouring out as if they were a flood, seeking to eradicate anything in their path.There was no stopping the pain in my black heart anymore.
"Why? Because of your prayer." I paused as I recalled the moment when I begged God to take me and that I'd be willing to do anything he wanted. But to think he would do something like this?!
"All I did was exchange her life for yours. I couldn't have you both live happily ever after, could I?? There's no pizazz, no drama, no... action! There has to be
some
terrible truths to the world. I’ve already sacrificed so much for you! I couldn't just give you something so valuable for free." What... what is this fucker saying? He's God. It didn't cost him anything but a single blink. How could he lie like this?
"I'm shocked that you would think I'm lying. However, I’ll let that it pass." He fell onto a fluffy couch seat that resembled one that mother Hakuno bought for our house. In fact, that it was my mother's massage chair.
"Don't.. don't you da-" Before I could finish my sentence, he put a finger to my lips to silence me.
"Shhhh, let me enjoy this seat. It's rather quaint… and comfy." I tried to fight my way out of his control. I couldn't stand by and watch this prick get away with whatever he wanted. How could such a merciless and cruel person be God?
"The world isn't fair." He said very calmly. "You know this from your studies. You were born in the Nerima Ward. You had a loving mother who you adored and a 'shitty' father who abandoned you. You already know that other people are worse off than you. You had a good life that you simply threw away. You trashed all your opportunities because you're nothing more than a worthless worm." I trembled at his condescending words. I wanted to shout at him that those remarks weren't true, but how could I? They fit me perfectly.
"You could have had the chance to redo your life from the start. Heck, before you died, you could have made a massive come back and granted all the dreams and desires that your mother had. But no. You chose not to." That, I could not forgive. He knew that those words were false.
"Are they really?" He asked as if waiting for me to respond. I looked up and prepared to yell at him that those words were false and that he was an idiotic bastard that should learn to respect mankind for once.
Except... they never came out. I couldn't say them, no matter how hard I tried. The strength I tried to muster up failed me, and I was stuck trying to wrestle the words out with an open mouth.
"I... I... I!"
"Yes? What are you waiting for? Go ahead! Bash me! Tell me that my words are false and that you were planning to redeem your honor! Prove that my words are wrong right now! Come on, where's that bashful little girl I met a little while ago?" I scowled before lowering my head in shame. I couldn't fight back.
He wasn't wrong. Even though my promise was to ensure my mom would be able to live a happy life with my support, where were the results to prove that? I stayed in my room all day, reading random books to escape my shitty reality. I played video games to feel superior and avoid the fact that I was really just a loser with no future in sight.
This was karma for everything I've done. There's really nothing I could say that would make me feel better. I truly am nothing but an insect, deluding myself that I could be better. I never had a chance from the start. Tears began to trickle down my face. I wasn’t even worthy of their warmth.
"You see, Kamiko? The truth hurts, but it is absolute." He says as he stands up, the chair disappearing, as he swept his hand out towards me. "You know this truth, yet you deny the fervently. Accept it. This is your purgatory, your last stop. You will stay in this dark and gloomy void for all eternity, to make up for your atrocious behavior as a human being."
Please, stop it. You've already made your point. Please, have mercy, I can't stand anymore. Just throw me away already, I have nothing left.
Instead of showing mercy, he decided to dig the dagger deeper into my wounds, adding salt to the gaping holes in my heart.
"You think anyone cared about you? No one did! Your father left you because he was sick and tired of your bullshit! You never made friends because you couldn't muster up any kind of power to even say a single word to them at all! The only one who cared was your mother, who's simply a waste in every wa-"
I roared as I charged right at him. Even though I was held by the invisible chains he had set up, I managed to move farther. I had successfully forced my way out to an extent, as I was able to break my right arm free from the forced bindings. I reached out to grab his collar so that I could at least yell right into his smug fucking face.
"You don't deserve to fucking talk shit about her! Shut the fuck up!" I yelled deep from my heart before I was yanked further away by the arms of darkness. I started to dig my way further, but there was only so much I could do.
"How pitiful. Nothing more than a broken dog." He replied as he stared at me. "To let you drown in blackness for all eternity seems like a waste of my energy and that’s no fun at all. There has to be a better way to make this interesting..."
He frowned and thought deeply about the situation, muttering under his breath. I continued my attempts to free myself, but continuously failed..
Damn it, if only I could break free, then this motherfucker would learn a thing or two!
"I've got it." He said instantly, as he smiled at me with those disgustingly sharp teeth, covered in blood and gold. "How about I give you your deluded dream? I can grant you a fresh start. A chance to become the protagonist of an isekai scenario, like you've always wanted."
I paused and looked up at him incredulously. Why would I ever want to accept anything from him? They were nothing but overly sweet, honeyed noises attempting to keep me in his clutches.
Even though I constantly dreamed about being the main protagonist of an isekai novel, this fucker wasn't like those benevolent, apologetic gods that were willing to give the reincarnated person cheats to overwhelm the new world. He was the kind of person who'd gladly help those in need just to watch them fall into despair and break completely. He was the worst kind of scum.
I may be a useless idiot, but I knew that I would be signing a contract with the Devil, and my fate would be sealed.
“Absolutely not. I refuse!”
"Oh? But I haven't even stated the conditions for victory and your reward. Don't you want to see your mother again? Don't you want to save her from her incoming death?"
Goosebumps multiplied across my body as I looked at him with shock and horror.
"Wh... what do you mean? You said you'd save her. What the hell are you talking about!" I couldn't help but shout. This bastard was going against the deal we had made!
"Au contraire, mademoiselle." He said as he waved his finger at me. "You wanted her saved from immediate death, from that very incident. You never said anything about the incoming future. Her death, coming from the grief of your death."
"Don't fucking mess with me! She wouldn't do such a thing!" I screamed as I started to claw at the black ground underneath me. "She's stronger than that! She's got so much going for her compared to me! There's no reason for her to die out of grief!"
"Do you really think that?" He asked as he drew a circle with his finger, revealing a visual for me to watch. The binds got stronger as they forced me down and lifted my head towards the scene.
I watched as my mother shut down inside. After my death, she truly didn't have anything to live for anymore. Day in and day out, she acted like an emotionless robot as she followed a routine.
She would wake up, go to work, come back home, and drink herself bloody before crawling to my altar and crying herself to sleep. When a new day came, the cycle started all over again.
When she didn't work, she was busy grieving at my altar. When she was at work, she was too dead inside to even acknowledge the world around her. I could only scream and cry as I was forced to see her wilt away slowly and painfully. In the end she finally went to sleep on the ground and found life too painful to ever get up again.
All the while, this fucking disgusting excuse of a God, this shitty creator of mine, was watching with a grin that threatened to split his head right in two. I could never, ever forgive this monster for this!.
"W-what are the conditions of victory, and where will I be sent?" The scumbag looked at me, as though he was shocked by my statements before he gave off an annoying, grating chuckle.
"So you
are
interested! As expected of a hardened young lass like you. Tell you what, since you're so determined to get back, I shall make this trip more personal for you. I hope you'll like what I've got in store for you, Kamiko!"
His words filled me with dread as I realized that my new life was going to be a living hell.
Yet, at the same time, I couldn't help but feel excited. A second chance at life. A thin string of redemption hung before me. I could redeem myself;I could breathe life back into my past self!
No matter the conditions, the circumstances, I could do this. This was the only path I could take now.