I come home and put the backpack in the hallway. Mom peeks out from the kitchen. When she sees me, she says, surprised, "Adam? Weren't you supposed to come back the day after tomorrow? Something happened?" She comes closer to me and sees my torn jeans. My attempts to hide my palms in my pockets are also unsuccessful.
"I fell! I just fell on the way back! I stumbled and fell, that's all!" I babble nervously so that my mother doesn't start accusing me of lying again. But she looks at me suspiciously, waiting for an explanation.
"I came back earlier because... I got bored. And I didn't like it there."
"Are you serious?" Mom looks at me with a hint of disbelief.
"Well, in two days I learned everything I wanted to know about camping." I shrug my shoulders. To be honest, I'm a little ashamed that I'm lying again. Though I promised not to lie... but every time I think that telling the truth will come down to the point where I'll have to tell about shining and about Logan. And I'm not ready for this. Shining is fading. Soon, it won't be a problem, and I won't have to lie anymore.
Mom chuckles, shaking her head.
"Well, okay," she sighs. "Go take a shower. And unpack your backpack straightaway. Okay, Adam? Straightaway!"
"Okay!" I throw on the go, climbing the stairs. I go to the bathroom, take off my clothes and look in the mirror. My chest looks like before. Before shining. I come closer and peer intently. When I was in the woods and Logan found me, I saw his shining like a swirl of glowing particles inside. Two days ago I had a glowing halo, like from a candle. I felt nothing from it back then. Now... No halo. No particles. No light. No tingling. No warmth. Nothing.
I turn off the light and stand in the darkness, gazing at my chest. From time to time, there's a small sparkle flicker and fade.
Disheartened, I switch the light on and get into the shower.
I don't understand! When I read about shining, I never came across such things. People said that if shining faded, it was mutual. But in our case, Logan shines for two! And judging by his behavior, it's not easy for him. Not good. Shining will drain him. And it'll drain him fast.
I mean, I don't know for sure! But... damn it!
I return to my room and take the phone. First, I check my messages. I have none. Then I start searching about the disappearance of shining. And all I could find is that people sometimes lose shining. It happens. Rarely, but still happens. But they lose it together!
I remember I came across the blog entry where someone told that shining faded after sex. I'm not sure I...
"Adam! Are you done?" mom's voice's coming from downstairs.
"Yes!"
"And the backpack?"
My eyes dart to the backpack lying at the door.
"Yeah!"
"Come help me set the table!"
"Coming!"
I check the messenger again. Logan was online 2 days ago. I put my phone away.
"Is dad coming?" I ask, walking into the kitchen.
"Maybe late at night. He was sent to a neighboring city. Perhaps he will come back tomorrow," says mom, turning to me.
"So it's just you and me?"
"Yes," mom nods with a smile.
I put the plates and sit down at the table. But my mind is elsewhere. I wonder if Logan got home yet? And is his father at home? I glance nervously at the phone on the table. Would it be weird if I asked him?
I pick up the phone and open the messenger. No messages. Logan is offline. I put the phone back on the table. Mom puts food on my plate, but instead of eating, I look at my phone again.
"Are you waiting for a call?" Mom asks. I shift my gaze to her.
"No! No... I'm just... let's eat!" I grab the fork. Luckily, mom starts a conversation to spare us from the awkward silence.
"Since you came back early, you can start your driving lessons tomorrow. What do you say?"
"Yeah, I guess," I nod absently. I got a learner's permit when we were living in Colorado, but I didn't have time to get my driving practice.
"I don't see any joy," my mother says, puzzled. "I thought you wanted to."
"I still want to. I'm just... probably nervous. Or tired..." I shrug.
"Well, maybe then it's not the best time? You need to prepare for the exams."
Yeah, right... lately, I've been thinking about anything but the exams. I mean, how can I go to college if I can't part with Logan? Well... now I probably can, but what about him?
"No, I think I should go. Driving will help me relax... to clear my head, to switch."
"Good, then I'll arrange it for tomorrow evening?"
"Ok."
"You did so well on the math test last time," mom smiles contentedly. "I'm proud of you."
I smile softly in response. Math is quite easy for me. I mean, everything is very formal there. Especially school tasks. They are all the same. Maybe that's why I'm not very interested. And much more than math, I like books. Or video games. In any case, for now, my head is occupied with something else.
After lunch, I return to my room, check my phone again, which has no messages. Finding no better way to calm my anxiety, I sit down to play and pass the time until night. And before, it would work for me, but now for some reason, I can't even plunge into the story, detach from the real world. It's like a part of me is constantly looking at the phone and waiting for something.
Mom distracts me by calling me to go shopping, and I immediately agree, hoping that this can help me. We buy new jeans for me.
"Oh Adam, I also think it's time for you the get a haircut," mom says as we get into the car.
"What? Why?" I touch my hair. They are already curling at the neck.
"Your hair got long," mom laughs. "If you like it, you can keep it, of course. I don't insist."
And the dumbest thing I could think of at that moment is what would Logan say if he saw me with short hair? Just... what?
Mom is still waiting for my answer.
"I like it this way, I guess," I say, fastening my seatbelt.
"Okay." Mom starts the car, and we leave the parking lot.
Before going to bed, I stare at my phone for a long time... What if my anxiety is a sign that something is wrong... I mean, maybe Logan is in trouble.
Fuck it.
I type a message, "R u ok?" and immediately send it before I start to doubt.
Logan appears online, and I have a strange mixture of feelings, but the most profound of them all is anticipation. I am waiting for his reply. But he goes offline, leaving me on read. I stare blankly at the screen. I've never been in this position before. With such feelings. Sadness fills my chest.
Suddenly Logan is back online and typing something.
"I'm fine."
I look at his message, and in a second, I realize I am relieved a bit. But...
"Really?" I type.
"Yes. What r u doing?"
I sit up on the bed.
"Going to sleep, u?"
"Same."
I take a moment to think and then type, "We need to talk."
Apparently, Logan is thinking too. He doesn't answer right away.
"Ok"
"I'll text you 2mrw?" I ask.
"Ok"
I look at our chat. I should have called him. At least I could have heard his voice and had an idea about his state. These terse messages gave me nothing but more anxiety.
I put the phone away and lie back. I can't sleep for a long time.
In the morning, mom wakes me up.
"Adam?"
I open my eyes and see her worried face and furrowed brows.
"Mm?"
"I just got a call from the school. They asked me to come with you," she pauses and looks at me expectantly. "Is there something I should know?"
Fuck...
I sigh and rub my eyes.
"No... not really, no. I don't know what's it all about," I try to sound casual, but it comes out unconvincing.
Mom shakes her head and says, "Get dressed."
Ten minutes later, we drive to school. Mom is tense, and I feel we are close to a fight, but I honestly don't know why she was called. Because I quit? But Caulter let me go. So I can only hope it's just about it. But an unpleasant feeling settles in my stomach. And it doesn't bode well.