Not a thought but a feeling, an inner impulse pushes me forward, makes me stand on my tip-toe and reach Logan's lips.
I don't know if I'm doing it right. I mean, it's not so difficult to kiss someone. Just press your lips to someone's lips and... that's mostly it. But this simple act somehow can be breathtaking, overwhelming, and deeply intimate. At first, Logan is hesitant as I am. But then he answers, tilting his head and grabbing me into a tight hug.
I have no shining. My mind is not drowning in light, but my heart is racing, pounding in my chest and... I feel... I feel it... I guess this is what you feel when you kiss someone you like. I remember little how it was the first time, but now I'm sure that this is my feelings. My real feelings.
Logan's lips are soft and hot. He leans closer to make the kiss deeper. His hand goes up to my nape and stays there, ruffling my hair.
At some point in this incessant kiss, Logan sinks to the bed as if his knees buckled. The kiss breaks. I open my eyes. Logan's face is flushed. Even his ears are red. His glance is hazy. He breathes fast as if he was running a marathon. I think we look alike now because I'm panting too.
Logan reaches out and pulls me closer. I sit beside him, and he leans to kiss me again. And again. And again. Logan wraps his hand around my back, holds me close, and we topple onto the bed. The room is spinning madly when my head touches the pillow. Logan is above me. Just like in my dream.
I can't get enough air, but I can't tear myself away from him. And when Logan kisses my neck, I take a deep breath and then exhale convulsively. Because I can't hold it back.
He goes down to my collarbone and stops. He lifts his head and pulls my t-shirt. I push myself up so he can take it off, and then he takes off his sweater. Shining on his chest turned golden, but I didn't have time to think about anything else because Logan kissed me again.
I've never felt him so close. Well, I've never done such things with anyone. Our bodies are pressed against each other, and I feel the warmth of his skin. His hands wander around my body, and I let myself do the same. Hug him, caress his spine, slide down his thigh. When I do it, Logan lets out a moan. His hand from my waist goes down to my belt. I hesitate for a moment. The thought of it makes me tremble, and goosebumps run up my neck, but everything else is running down to the bottom of my belly. And the tension grows fast. I unbutton my jeans, breathing jaggedly. But Logan's hand runs back, to the lower part of my spine. And he presses me even closer, rubbing against me. And I can't help but move along with him, as I want to synchronize with him in such weird way.
"Oh... fuck," I breathe into his ear as I feel the pleasure starts to spread in waves all over my body. I can't kiss Logan anymore. I bury my face between his shoulder and neck. My eyes closed, and my breath is heavy and hot. With his every move, I press to him tighter, my fingers digging deeper into his skin.
At my peak... I think I bit him... I can't say for sure. I was not myself... But I can swear that Logan stiffened and moaned. And then... it was like he fell asleep in an instant.
My body relaxed, but my heart is still pounding, and I try to catch my breath.
I'm confused and overwhelmed by what just happened. I'm still hugging Logan tightly. I don't want to go anywhere. I don't want to think about anything. So I just close my eyes and let the inner drift take me away into the warm ocean.
My peaceful dream is interrupted by the phone. I open my eyes. Shirtless Logan's lying beside me and still sleeping. The phone's ringing persistently. I get up from the bed, zip my jeans, ignoring the wet stain on my underwear, and get to the chair where I left my jacket. Having taken the phone out of the pocket, I answer, "Yes."
"Adam," mom's voice sounds distant and cold. "You've missed your driver's practice."
Oh shit... I sit on the floor and rub my forehead.
"I have?.." I say, trying to sound surprised. "I... I forgot... I'm sorry..."
"Will you come home?"
"Yes! I'm... I'm on my way," I glance at sleeping Logan. Mom hangs up. I get up and sigh heavily.
I approach the bed and look at Logan. He is in deep sleep, which is good, I think, since hungry shining deprived him of sleep. His face is relaxed; lips are a bit swollen. But his shining seems steady and has a really beautiful color of rose gold. Does it mean it has been charged? It changed, that's for sure, but I don't know what it means. This new color.
I look at my chest, but there's still nothing.
I sit on the bed beside Logan. I'm still surprised by what I did. But at the same time, I don't regret it. My feelings no longer seem so contradictory to me. I didn't even know how much I needed his apology. But still, maybe I acted rashly... a little...
I put my t-shirt on, cover Logan with a blanket, grab my things, and leave the house.
I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay. With him.
When I get home, mom throws a glance at me and then goes upstairs without a word. But there is dinner on the table. I feel ashamed. I don't know how to explain myself and... lately, I've been failing her. And I lied.
I go to take a shower. While I stand under the streaming water, I can't help but think... I didn't know I could get an orgasm so easily... Or is it not normal?.. I mean, we haven't even taken our pants off! I don't know if I should be ashamed or worried... Logan could be like this because of shining, but I... fuck, he just rubbed himself on me, and I was out of my mind. I splash the water on my shoulders and chest wildly.
But... despite the fact that I feel awkward, I don't feel bad. I don't feel that we did something wrong. It felt good. I wanted it... It's just... I don't know what's next... What it makes us...
I change and have dinner alone. Dad comes back when I'm done with my meal.
"How is it going, champ?" dad asks, smiling when he sees me.
"Good. How was your trip?"
"Exhausting," dad shakes his head. "Where is mom?"
"Upstairs... I think she's tired... or maybe she's not well..."
"Really?" dad inquires worriedly. He leaves his bag at the door and goes upstairs. "Mary?"
I hear the door to the parents' bedroom click and shut. Maybe mom will tell dad about the camping, and what happened after, and that I'm a liar... I don't know. But... I'm actually glad that dad is at home. Mom needs support. I'm bad at it.
I go to my room and plop on the bed. Tomorrow I have to go to school. And the thought of it makes me nervous.
I take out my phone and look at it for a few minutes. I think I should text Logan. Feeling utterly awkward again, I type a message, "Everything is ok. I left because mom called" and send it.
I lie back on the pillows. This day was something... I think I've never experienced so many emotions in such a short period of time!
I need to wake up early tomorrow, but I'm not sleepy at all.
In order to fix things with mom and to distract myself from thinking about Logan, I get out of bed and study because it's the only thing I haven't failed yet. I check my homework and go through the book for my math exam.
At 2, I start to yawn uncontrollably. So I go to bed, having checked my phone first. I fall asleep fast.
In the morning, not the alarm clock wakes me up, but the sun that's beaming right into my face. And when I open my eyes, I squint at first. The windows in my room are draped... It's not the sun. It's me.