Chapter 6 - Being Logical

   Joe was completely shaken. To his core. Adelaide, to her credit? Was a little out of it, but... doing much better than Joe was. Most likely, this was because he had the interaction, and not her. She was still shocked by what had happened, but Joe was the one... in shock.

   He slowly laid down next to her, and she sidled up against him. They laid there for a time. Composing themselves. Adelaide was, once again, better and quicker to compose herself. Finally they spoke of it. Out loud. They had just exchanged silent glances for some time. One would roll over and look at the other? Then roll back into position for another respite. Speech had to occur sooner or later though, it was inevitable.

   "Adelaide?"

   "Why... aren't you calling me Ada anymore. I like it."

   Ada answered her.

   "Would you like to hear some music?"

   They both gave nervous giggles. That was why, she saw the obvious now. The mild humor was a welcome if temporary diversion from the gravity of what had gone on. He stopped it from happening, so they could talk and he could use her pet name. That he liked using. Now? That she liked and asked for. He liked that.

   "Ada."

   "Yes, Joe."

   "You can power down for now."

   "I'll take a break, Joe. If you need me? Just use the touch panel."

   "Thank you, Ada."

   "Bye for now, Joe."

   Ada went off.

   "And... that's why. Ada."

   "Hmm. And, which one of us, do you like better. Ada me? Or... my replacement."

   He gave her dry wit.

   "Well. I do like you more? You certainly have your advantages. But? I will point out. I can't bolt you to the ceiling and prevent you from disappearing. If I could cure that little feature? You'd definitely seal the deal."

   "Thanks."

   "No problem."

   "Joe? Can we... talk now?"

   "Weather. News. Sports. Politics. My complete and utter failure and my total humiliation in front of both of my departments? Just pick a topic. They're all so fascinating."

   "I didn't know you follow politics."

   "I don't. I could give three shits what those pompous assholes are doing, as long as they leave me alone."

   "Hmm. How... about..."

   "I know. Adelaide? If you weren't here. If you couldn't prove, that I... before..."

   "I know what you mean. You, would think you were... that you had..."

   "Yeah."

   She waited a little.

   "You... okay about it? I mean, okay enough."

   "I guess, as good as I'm going to be, I mean. You know."

   "Yeah."

   "Ada?"

   "Yeah."

   "Its not possible. That... we both went completely bat shit insane. At the exact same time, right? I mean, how could we both hallucinate, the same thing, and..."

   "No. I'm with you, on that. Its... logical. I think."

   "Ada?"

   "Hmm."

   "Did... you ever take... LSD before? Anything like that."

   "No. You?"

   "No."

   "Why?"

   "I mean, it makes people hallucinate, right? Could... someone have put something in the pitcher of beer? Might explain it."

   "Hmm. Again? I don't figure that one, but. Its... logical."

   "How do we test that."

   Ada wondered.

   "Um. Well. If the theory is that someone spiked the pitcher of beer. Barge... I mean, we all three, drank a glass out of every pitcher, right? He would have to have felt something then, too."

   "I call him. Hey, Barge. Old buddy, old pal. Hey, you have aliens talking to you in your dreams? I do. Anything weird like that? Thought maybe there was something in the beer. Oh. I can't wait to have that conversation."

   "Still. Maybe tap dance a little. But."

   "Christ almighty."

   He did call Barge. Barge, reported a slight headache. They laughed as Barge reminisced about the three of them singing along to the jukebox. Adelaide detected from her side of knowing what the call was really about? He fished and left multiple openings, that Barge didn't pick up on. Plus? He didn't sound at all like they did. Quiet and serious. Hallucinogens in the beer the night prior? Seemed out.

   "Ada?"

   "Yeah."

   "Pretending this is all real. Just pretending, mind you. Supposing."

   "Go on."

   "Well? Let's say its... really... I mean, how in the hell would... whoever... even know about my proposal? I Just gave it. Not that any of this makes what I call sense? But... that stands out."

   "I see your point."

   They went silent for a little while again. Eventually? Joe called his adviser. Asked about if he had any thoughts on how to format the paper he had promised to shop around as best he could, as a private paper. The response was a surprise. His adviser? Was happy to report he had gotten right on it. All proposals are recorded, so? He just shipped that off a couple places, to see if anyone had any constructive input on it.

   He thanked him and got off the phone politely.

   "While we're keeping each other logical about this and all. They monitor stuff? He sent the video of the proposal to some places."

   "Makes sense. I mean, none of it makes sense? You know what I mean."

   He chuckled nervously.

   "Oh. I know. Ada? I was thinking, just for now, anyways. My thoughts were? This doesn't leave this bed. That... we think this happened. Is... that mean?"

   "No. I was thinking the same thing. You took the words right out of my mouth."

   "I... already have the whole... I got two departments going to make fun of me for a while. I don't want... this... on top of it."

   She laughed.

   "A joke. Share it. I could use a good laugh."

   "Just... the studies aliens guy? On the talk show."

   "What about him. Actually? He made a good point. How the hell do you even explain a square thing in the sky at night. I mean, the more you think about just that. Even if what happened, hadn't of happened? You just take that, and..."

   "On that note? You might be able to claim, that aliens are talking to you in your dreams in a few days? People might actually take you seriously."

   Joe had his first good belly laugh, since the shocking developments.

   "Hey. Share the joy."

   "Sorry. Just... the irony. I'm not taken seriously, and I mean at all? For... my proposal, and... people might start believing in aliens soon, I mean. If that's not a rich joke? What is."

   "Joe?"

   "Yes, dear."

   "While we're both trying to be... logical."

   "Yeah."

   "Just saying. We pretend, that aliens are..."

   "Go on."

   "How does... how do they... I mean, broadcast radio and waves like that? Even if they were at... Alpha Centauri, the closest star. That's light years away, do I remember right?"

   "A couple light years, something like that. Yeah."

   "Well... where the hell are they, they can get signals so... quick."

   "Ada. Honey. My own department? Is going to think about burning me at the stake Monday morning. Honestly, you'd be better off... calling that guy on the talk show. Hell, its his field."

   They both had a chuckle about that.

   "Joe?"

   "Ada. Dearest."

   "What do we... do."

   "What's this we shit. I'm the one getting radio broadcasts from... wherever in the hell the little green men are roosted up at."

   "Okay. What do... you do."

   "The hell you want me to do? It happened when I slept. Unless the LSD wears off by tonight? I'm guessing..."

   "You think what."

   "I repeated the whole conversation in my dream to you. He seemed, pretty... concerned. That we talk. He said, he wanted to prove it to me. That we really talked. Which was why he told me about the... doubling of that thing."

   "Do... you want me to stay with you tonight?"

   "I always want you to stay with me, but especially right now? Yeah. I'm scared shit-less, if you didn't figure that one out."

   "Joe?"

   "Hmm."

   "Can I make a joke? I don't wanna..."

   "No. Go on. Sense of humor can't hurt. I'm going stark raving mad? Might as well laugh about it. What."

   "Well. You talked back. In your dream."

   "I wasn't lying when I told you. What about it."

   She giggled.

   "Ask them... if they're the ones that... mutilate the cattle, kidnap people, and stick the probes up their ass. I mean, you hear that shit all the time. See if its them? Or... the neighbors or whatever..."

   He had to come back at her with his own.

   "I wonder what a crop circle costs? If its by the project, by the square foot... intricate designs cost more..."

   They giggled, it did break the mood to try to crack wise about the whole thing. Ada got the last one in.

   "I have a serious one."

   "What."

   "If this is real? Ask. Do they fly stuff around now and then? Or one of their buddies... you know, UFO's. Ask if they look like... you know how people draw the things that kidnap them and stick the probes up their ass. I mean, settle it once and for all. Even if I can't tell anyone? Curiosity."

   "If I remember? I'll bring it up at the next meeting."

   Another pause.

   "Ada?"

   "Honey."

   "Either I'm stark raving mad, or... you know."

   "I'm listening."

   "Neither one? Is really good."

   Ada hummed, thinking.

   "What now honey."

   "Joe? You said, the voice said... he knows your location."

   "I mean, its what he said. Or, what me being crazy as a loon? Imagined he said. Take your pick. Why."

   "Should we find a gun and get it here? Quick."

   "So I can commit suicide? To rid myself of the voices in my head? How thoughtful of you, honey. You really shouldn't have. Thanks."

   "Aliens? Know your location? They... need you? Put it all together, that sound... good to you?"

   "Oh."

   "Yeah. Oh. We agreed, try to be logical, right?"

   "Makes sense. To be logical, yeah. I mean, when isn't it rational to... try to stay logical."

   "Back to... the oh part?"

   "Uh huh."

   "Name me one thing, the aliens are known for. That's good, I mean. Okay, crop circles. They wanna decorate the yard? That's between the university grounds crew, and them. Not my problem, hope its a pretty one, but... that's about it, for nice stuff. Decorating the yard. Everything else, I ever heard? Scaring you in the middle of the night, popping up. They look like monsters, you know. Everyone drew the same pictures. You've seen it. Kidnapping people. Experiments, probes up the ass. Cattle mutilations. Other than the yard decorations? Tell me one good thing that's gonna happen. Huh? Yeah, I think we should get a gun. Like yesterday."

   "Wow. You're really hung up on the whole... probes up your ass thing."

   "Well? You ever hear of the probes went in their ear? Its always up the ass."

   "Actually, being fair? I've stuck my probe up your ass before. I don't remember a lot of complaints that night."

   "Ha ha. You bought me dinner and a couple drinks first. You know? The voice said, he knows your location. He needs... you. Where do you think that probe's gonna go, huh?"

   "You know, honey... whatever it counts for, but... the voice? It was all... you know how your father talks to you? Hand on the shoulder, now son? I'm going away for a couple days? I need you to be the man of the house, all right? I'm counting on you. Like that. All... like a friendly, grandfather voice, really. He... was real concerned with proving we were talking? And he said. Not to be scared."

   "Really. You know, when you want to do something to some cattle? You give them an apple, you talk all nice and calm, you pet them nice... why? So you don't have to chase them all over the goddamn field, to mutilate them. Seriously, use your head here, Joe."

   "Honestly? I always thought, the... people that get... abducted, the probes... they always seemed like, you know. Uneducated, kooky people. Look like they drink whiskey on their cereal in the morning. Seriously."

   "Okay. I admit it? Me too. But you know what? All of a sudden, that guy on that talk show? Doesn't seem like one tenth as much of a kooky nut right now, does he."

   "Ada?"

   "Yeah..."

   "If we are... I mean, if I am... being contacted, by an advanced alien civilization. Do you really think the first impression they should get, of our whole race? Is that the first people they meet, shoot them. I mean... that could trigger an interstellar war or some shit like that. Think. We can't go... contacting across the cosmos... making squares appear in their solar system. Don't you think, they might just be a wee little bit more advanced than us? We have thermonuclear bombs and guns. Imagine what they would have. Gamma ray fries the whole planet, you go and shoot the first one you meet. Christ."

   "Okay, okay. Just don't come crying to me, when the probe goes up your ass. I warned you."

   "There you go again with the probe in the ass thing. You really have a one track mind about this. I understand being nervous, scared. I'm terrified, to tell you the truth? I'm trying to keep my shit together. But, getting hysterical like you're doing? Its not helping."

   "You don't think its time to be hysterical."

   "When does that ever help."

   "Joe? There's a... thing in the sky, near the planet. They're contacting you? In your sleep. So they know where you are, to do that, I'd imagine. Yeah, I think now? Is the perfect time. To get a little hysterical."

   "Can I point something out? Or... is it making you a little excited. To keep talking about the probe up your ass. I mean, if its doing something for you, fine. Get it out of your system."

   "Ha. Ha. Ha. This? Better be good."

   "Being logical. The anomaly? Has been here a little while. Its been in the news."

   "Okay..."

   "They're obviously looking for something. He said, its important."

   "Keep going."

   "Just pointing out? They can talk back and forth, in your head, when you're asleep. That's... pretty advanced. Technology wise. Right? I mean, I have a phone. They have... that. To them? We must seem like we communicate with two empty cans, tied together with a string."

   "I said, this better be good."

   "Well? I get contacted. The first night, after my recorded proposal. One of the first things he talks about? He tells me I'm right about... my proposal. I'm correct."

   "Yeah. Just buttering you up..."

   "They can obviously... monitor stuff. They saw my proposal. It... this all? Would have to be something... advanced. He, the voice, I mean. Seemed... happy about that. Impressed? Something. Like... he found what he was looking for."

   "That was good. Okay, I'm a little less hysterical."

   "Great."

   "So. What's the... anomaly, then."

   "Like I know this. A... like, some sort of... antenna, maybe. How they monitor stuff."

   "Or some kind of.. doorway."

   "Hmm. I don't think so."

   "Why not."

   "Well? Then why monitor, looking for what you want. They would just... fly out the door and come to see what they're looking for. No, makes more sense its like an antenna. For communicating. I mean, he said he could see my planet. He called it the blue planet. Earth? Looks like a big blue marble with white clouds, from space. He can see through that... antenna."

   "Can I point out one big hole in this plot?"

   "Sure."

   "How does he speak English."

   "Hmm. Didn't think of that. Good question. I suppose, you monitor communications? You can pick the language up. And? That makes more sense, really. He... called the sun? My close star. Honestly, he uses a lot of words and phrases perfect. Then? He does that. Really? Reminds me of a foreigner, not knowing certain things, talking. I mean, when you put it all together? It does make a strange kind of sense."

   "Okay. I think... maybe, anyways. That, I'm a little less... hysterical. While I'm a little calmer?"

   "Yes."

   "Its not a lot. And, I'm no expert on it, but... its something, anyways."

   "Oh. Something good. There, that's better. What."

   "Most... cases? People hearing voices. The voices tell them things."

   "Yeah."

   "Almost always. The voice or the voices? They describe them as... scary. Powerful. Not human. I mean, even the people that spoke to god himself, in the bible?"

   "Yeah."

   "God has a terrible voice. Like many voices at once. As the rushing of a thousand rivers at once. A voice that commanded, and you could not refuse, such was his power."

   "Hmm."

   "That's what I mean. I know psychologists? People try to fake being crazy, to get away with murder? There's a lot of little things people wouldn't know. They use those things, to try to bust them. Again I'm no expert, but... the voice, your voice. You keep insisting. Kind, friendly, like a father or grandfather. He asks, he doesn't demand. He wants to help you, he's not making you or ordering you. That's... not at all like... most or almost all... crazy voices. I mean, that's something, right?"

   "Well. Thanks. And? Congratulations, you didn't talk about the probe up someone's ass, not once. You really are calming down some."

   "Smart ass."

   "Couldn't help it. And... thanks."

   "Glad I could help."

   Joe waited a bit.

   "Its not impossible for a whole town, to all agree on some crazy thing. They all swear to it, they believe it. I mean, Salem witch trials? Its still possible, we're both the same kind of crazy. We're only two people, that was a whole village."

   "Oh. I think that's... they call that, mass hysteria. But? Again, notice. Demons, devils, witches, evil spells, possession. Insanity? Is almost always... scary."

   "Interesting you bring that up. Salem witch trials."

   "Why?"

   "I read a theory once. The ergot fungus? Grows on corn. LSD? Comes from... ergot fungus. It was entirely possible, the theory went, medically? The entire town really did see the stuff they reported. Apparently? There's a thing. Where... people that all get dosed with LSD at the same time? They kind of share, their... trip. Which makes me wonder about LSD or similar drugs again. But... really? Barge had a beer. We... always poured three beers in a row out of every pitcher We're nervous and a little freaked out? Barge didn't seem... anything like that."

   "We're not experts on these things, Joe. But? We're not your run of the mill idiots off the street, either. Now that you got me being logical again with you. What else."

   "Um. Well? Being logical. I read once, that a skilled intelligent person? Can tell a lot about what the... person questioning them knows. Just from the questions they ask. Police, military... its actually hard to question people? And not give a lot away of what you know and you're up to. I mean, think about it. The police? Come and... whisk you off. They put you in a room, cuff you to a chair. They put the big lights on you, like some old movie."

   "Hmm. Interrogation. Shut up, we ask the questions. Like that."

   "I mean, if they keep asking about one person? Its clearly to do with them. If they keep asking where that person is, when did I last see them? I know that person is missing, if not a murder or kidnap case. They keep asking about where I work? Maybe its the business is a front for something. If the cops are mean, and won't try being nice? I can assume time is of the essence, its life or death... but if they try the nice way, as long as I'm talking? Its not life or death."

   "Oh. That... does sound logical. And..."

   "Well? Using that line of reasoning. Very nice, very polite. No rush. He doesn't want to frighten me. It seems important to him? To go slow. Gain trust. He needs... something. And? I'm betting it would have to be something with... science or technology. Its what he talked about. And? Maybe its just a coincidence, but he liked my proposal. Its not that long after my proposal goes out on the internet? He's talking to me, and mentioning it."

   "Okay. I'm on your wavelength now. Hmm. And... who does he talk to. He picks, a university teacher, graduate student. Involved with research. I mean, picture us. We're... visiting some primitive tribe in the jungle somewhere. We want to try to make sure we're not talking to the... lazy, or the criminals. I want the chief, the medicine man, the healing lady."

   "Good one, Ada. Yeah. If you're interested in science and technology in any way? You wouldn't want to talk to a politician. What's the old joke? Take me to your leader. No way. And the average guy off the street? You could be wasting your time, for anything that has to do with technology."

   "Okay. Being logical? Its... helping. I'm calmer. Thanks, Joe."

   "I'm trying."

   There was another pause, there was always another pause.

   "Ada? I'm trying to think, you know, like a cop. An investigator here. We more or less rule out... LSD or whatever like that. Barge was okay. I was worried, and still am, but... that I was going nuts. You? Heard the prediction too. I'm going to rule out mass hysteria? The whole planet knows there's a black square in the sky somewhere in the general area. So... as I slowly rule out things, that don't seem likely or possible? I'm looking at what's left."

   "Hmm. Are you... less scared now?"

   "Leaving just... nervous."

   They took a nice, long break now. The silence though, for the first time? Was less awkward for once.

   "Ada?"

   "Yeah."

   "There's a last thing I want to rule out. You know. Be thorough?"

   "All right."

   "If we can't both go insane, at the exact same moment? I want to rule out mass hysteria."

   "Honey? The square in the night sky. The whole planet is talking about it. We both saw the talk show."

   "I'll feel better, once we talk to other people. About what's in the news. You know, rule out that we hallucinated it, some kind of modern... Salem witch trials, mass hysteria."

   "And then?"

   Joe sighed.

   "I guess then? I find out."