Chapter 17 - the Ride

   Joe had been told to expect extremely bright light once they entered the anomaly. Because at the positively ludicrous speed they would be traveling at... the light of passing stars far off? Was adding up. There was nothing visible outside of the window or on any monitor? Other than intense white light. Armed with this knowledge beforehand, Ben was ready. Up in orbit, at times the sun is bigger and you aren't protected by the earth's atmosphere. You can't look directly at the sun on the ground really, and it was dangerous to stare it even on the ground. Up there? It was bigger, brighter, and you had less protection.

   All the pilots and passengers, had what was pretty much an auto darkening welders helmet that activated when light went over safe levels. Like a welder observing the bright arc and puddle in the darkened helmet, they could still see a really bright wall of light even through this dark protective filter.

   Ben had asked that if this even happened, the hell was he supposed to even do to try to avoid planets and stars and whatever the hell else was in the direct line to where they were going. Joe told him he was instructed to simply cut the thrust, movement would be automatic. They would actually arrive at their destination before they left, and were not really passing through objects. At over 50 billion miles per second, the trip though as long as it was? Would be quite short. The first second would see them out of their own universe. A couple seconds through the void between theirs and the next. This was the brief dark patch in the trip. No light whatsoever. The weird feeling of standing still, in a complete void. Not one star nor anything else, visible anywhere. Then? The auto darkening filter again, as the intense light of billions of faint star-lights smeared by all at once, and then? Nothing.

   There was no push of acceleration, and no pitch forward from the sudden stop. Several seconds of light, dark, light... and they were still again. The forward momentum they had going into the anomaly, suddenly resumed.

   Ben, an experienced pilot, went spastic with excitement and joy.

   "Wow! What a ride! Carp, was that a goddamn ride, or what! Whoo! I wanna do it again! Holy shit, was that a rush!"

   Joe? Not an experienced pilot. He had a quite thoroughly different reaction. His stomach lurched, his shoulders curled around and spasm-ed, and... Ben knew what was going on. He was going to be sick. He'd seen this before. He grabbed one of the barf bags and opened the top for Joe, and put his hands gingerly on the opening. Told him to get his head into the bag. Joe nodded and did it.

   The bottom of the bag was odd. The top opened, and it seemed to be sealed about half way down. Wasting the bottom half of what it could contain. When he was done projectile vomiting and heaving for a little bit? He coughed up the bitter tarts such a thing leaves behind as residue. He held the bag out and away, afraid to drop the almost filled barf bag. Ben zipped the top shut, then took it. He did something and Joe didn't know exactly what nor watch carefully. He was content to disregard his own puke. The lower half of the bag, which seemed solid? Turned out to be a sealed vacuum. It sucked the barf down in quick and smooth when the vacuum broke and it could draw in. Ben put it into some small recess designed for such a thing to not get stepped on or broken open until it could be disposed of.

   Ben was still suddenly alive, eyes dancing with adrenaline and excitement. Joe? Half closed eyelids and a tired look. Joe's speech matched his face.

   "I really don't seem to enjoy that ride at the amusement park nearly as much as you, Ben."

   Ben chuckled.

   "Shit."

   "What now..."

   "We're alive."

   "Yes, Ben. I almost wish I was dead right now, but... that'll pass. That, is the worst motion sickness ever."

   "You better yet?"

   "Mm. A little."

   "You need another bag? Sometimes there's, you know... aftershocks."

   "Uh... I don't think so. But, can I have a refill, just in case?"

   "Sure, buddy. Here..."

   Ben put an empty replacement in his hand he rolled up and clutched for good luck, just in case. Joe finally sighed, and took a deep breath. Ben gave him a sip of water.

   "Okay?"

   Joe nodded weakly, and wiped his mouth.

   "Sorry."

   "It happens. Taking cherries up and back? Used to it. No big deal. Most pilots have done it before."

   Joe nodded again.

   "Well? I can see I have to find another way to kill myself, but... look..."

   It was, well? Really much the same as being in orbit around earth, to be honest. Just no earth or stations on any monitors or out the window. Instead, in the place of what they were used to, and particularly Ben?

   The sun wasn't orange. It was more of a slight red, though obviously a sun similar to theirs. There was a planet in the distance, but it definitely wasn't earth. Some similarities, though. The brilliant cobalt blue of earth was replaced with a greenish blue color, though still just as pretty. White clouds all over, again the same kind of deal. There were obviously continents and bodies of what sure looked like water. Just more greenish blue, to replace earth's blue oceans and seas.

   There were two moons, that looked similar to their own moon they were used to. Yet one was bigger and one was smaller, and they were different distances away from their host planet they orbited. Similar color and cratering to their own moon they knew and loved, though.

   A smaller planet was visible in the far off distance, no telling what it was like though. Looked reddish if they had to guess.

   "Carp?"

   "Ben."

   "You, said mom was waiting to take us out to ice cream at the end of the water slide. Where's mom, where's my ice cream, buddy."

   "You know what I know, Ben."

   Ben tried communications? Nothing but static and strange noises. Like he expected tower communications anyways. He turned the static down low, to monitor just in case.

   "Joe. You're in charge of this circus. You? Are the quarterback now. The hell we doing."

   "I don't know. Wait a little while, see if anything happens."

   Joe paused, then added to it.

   "We have enough oxygen?"

   "Its a re-breather system. Washes the carbon dioxide, and returns regular air as it passes through. The air tanks? Are just to purge and release another supply of air, in case of a panel electrical fire, to pass the fumes out and get fresh air again after I would extinguish."

   "So? Wait a little. Maybe... someone will come. They knew we were coming around 4:00 am. We're here. On time."

   Ben studied the close planet.

   "I don't know how far away we are, so I can't gauge size. I can tell you this, though."

   "What..."

   "See that stuff around? Little dots. Those? Are satellites and space stations and stuff like that. They have tons of shit in orbit. If you look? Both moons have them, too. These people have invested much more into their space program, than we have. Maybe they don't have politicians, so they can actually get things accomplished. Dare to dream."

   After a while waiting. Marveling and gabbing. Joe asked it.

   "Ben?"

   "Yeah."

   "Question."

   "Go on."

   "What if I have to take a shit. Is there a... procedure for that?"

   "There is? But... you don't wanna know. Taking a shit is considered a last resort. If any pilot has the runs? We either don't go up, or... we stay at station one until it passes. Why. You got to go?"

   "No. But if we wait long enough? One of us is going to have to. Eventually."

   "Well, I'll just stop at the first exit, and let you use the bathroom at the gas station, okay?"

   "Smart ass."

   "Hey. You? Are the quarterback in the game now. These are your buddies."

   "Well. If I had to pick a place to land? I'd say..."

   Joe pointed at the big blue-green planet that looked like a blue-green version of earth.

   "You have a map? I left mine back at home. Knew I forgot something, now I know what."

   "Great. I'm stuck in space, with a goddamn comedian."

   "I have full rockets. Barely touched the fuel there. But, like I told you before. Landing this thing on ground? More of a last option, not the preferred option."

   "Can you go into... orbit? We can look for stuff a little."

   "Like I know what distance I need to be, to come into stable orbit. I don't know the gravity of that planet, where I should land, nothing."

   "Well? We can't sit up here forever."

   "Actually, we can. Just not the best option."

   "Go in. A little."

   Ben gave a couple little rocket bursts, to get a little bit of velocity to slowly move in.

   "I ain't going in hot. This will take a while. Plus? Takes almost no fuel for a little blast, tanks are full."

   They slowly came in, and Ben decided to goose towards a space station and take a look see.

   "Looks... like a communications satellite, if I had to guess."

   "Maybe we can find a big one?"

   "I don't see anything nearby that looks that big. Zero or low gravity would be perfect, but... wish in one hand..."

   Eventually, they decided to go in for a glide path landing.

   "I hope they have oxygen down there."

   "They said their atmosphere was almost identical to ours. Slightly more oxygen, slightly less nitrogen, but otherwise about the same. You don't kill us getting down? Pretty sure we can breathe. Pick a spot to land near something, would you? I don't wanna hike for months all over creation."

   "Again. I don't have a map. And... a glide path? Is a one shot deal. I don't wanna crash land in some city, and smash shit all to hell, killing people like a meteor coming in. We'll probably survive it? But I don't think we'll impress them much that way."

   "You? Pilot. Me? Passenger. What do you think."

   "No pun intended, but... I wing it."

   "Funny. Go on, do your thing."

   "Okay. It'll take a while, but... remember the cover over the red button I showed you? The emergency button."

   "Yeah."

   "Remember to hit that, before we... land."

   "Were you about to say crash, and you changed it at the last moment, to say land?"

   "No. Yeah. Joe, I told you. Glide path landing an orbital shuttle? Is an emergency landing. Its... technically a... controlled crash, more than a... landing, as much as you would think of it."

   "You once said... decent landing. Relax, I got this. Now? Its not a decent landing, its a controlled crash. When do I get the truth, we're coming in like a meteor on fire."

   "I'm not going in like that. Atmosphere density affects glide and flight characteristics. You said slightly higher oxygen? That will make the rockets more powerful, and the fuel last longer. The engines adjust the rockets for it. Gravity? Is another wild card. If this planet is bigger? It probably has higher gravity, which will not help."

   "Just go in for a decent landing... controlled crash... meteor with flaming wreckage... just do it. You told me we get this far? Relax, you got this. I'll relax, you? Show me the I got this part."

   Ben gave a running commentary as he came in and headed for what looked like anything flat.

   "Ben. Would ditching in water be good?"

   "Optimum, really. I could come in really hot, and we'd just bob like a cork as long as we had to. Thing's designed to stay upright and float forever. Just don't know how long we'd float before someone located us. Reasonably flat land would be not as gentle? But... you can get out and look around for civilization."

   "I'm relaxing. You, do the I got this."

   "Yeah, yeah. Who's the comedian now."

   When they got close enough they broke a little atmosphere, Ben knew it by how the craft reacted. He initiated a glide, as he scanned for flat land when he had an idea.

   "Lots of water. Maybe... try to do the soft water landing, but near a coast. I know at home? Hard to find undeveloped coastline."

   "Sounds nice. I like the soft landing part."

   Ben was gliding, and reported the atmosphere was a little thicker than at home. It was going to be easier to maneuver the orbital emergency landing. Joe was thrilled to hear that. After a while, and breaking cloud cover, they got their view of the land masses. Honestly looked similar to earth, more or less.

   "Joe?"

   "Yeah."

   "What are these... aliens going to look like? I mean, people all draw pictures of those tall, skinny reptile looking things. Pretty scary looking. I mean, they could be giant crabs or something."

   Joe laughed.

   "What's so funny?"

   "They said they have no idea what I was talking about. When I described the aliens people say abducted them. They monitor our communications, through that... anomaly. And? They've seen us and what we look like that way. They said, we honestly look very similar. They said, they would be obvious walking around on our planet? But... they're not so different I should be alarmed. They were worried about us, until they saw us, by the way."

   "No probes in the ass?"

   Joe laughed.

   "No. They said they've never visited, they don't know anything about that stuff. No crop circles, either. So, if you really want a probe in your ass? I'd suggest finding a cute one, and trying dinner and drinks first."

   "Your stand up act? Its getting better."

   "And Ben?"

   "Yeah..."

   "Assuming your controlled crash doesn't kill both of us? Try to remember something."

   "What. I got enough to do right now."

   "They? Will be the normal ones. Me and you? We, will be the strange ones. We're the aliens now. Think about it. Sociology 101."

   "Yeah. Fortunately? I had more flight classes, than sociology classes. You handle the diplomacy. Your buddies, anyways."

   "Just saying. Ben?"

   "What now. I'm scanning for a good spot..."

   "Hands at 10 and 2. Safety first."

   "Do you want to drive?"

   "Not really. I can barely float around in zero gravity."

   "Okay. Just checking. Jesus. Back seat drivers are bad enough... never knew about back seat fliers."

   "Ben? See if you can land next to a burger joint, or a diner. I could use a snack right about now. My tummy got empty, remember?"

   "Wise ass. We might be on the menu, asshole. This might be like... fishing for them."

   Joe quit having fun with Ben, once they got their glide down that things were a lot more visible. Ben was eyeing up a long coastline, and wanted to stay on it. Water, soft landing. Close to shore, for getting discovered and rescued if they needed it.

   "Uh, Ben?"

   "I'm busy!"

   "This is important..."

   "What?!?!"

   "Check your rear view mirror, Ben."

   There was clearly a craft of some kind now. Pacing them.

   "I hope I'm not being pulled over. No brakes..."

   Little while later? Joe commented again.

   "Looks like, two more."

   "Fine. As long as you don't see... anything resembling incoming fire? I don't need to hear about it."

   "Okay. And if we start taking fire?"

   "Honestly. We can't fire back. So I don't need to hear about that, either."

   "Four now... one's bigger than the other three..."

   "Can you count in your head? Busy!"

   "Remember, Ben. A calm driver? Is a safe driver."

   "See if you can get communications? And entertain them with your comedy routine, would you. Shut up already..."

   "All right... splashdown coming soon. Punch emergency..."

   Joe lifted the lid, and pushed the big red button.

   His multiple point harness really firmed up. Padded panels clapped softly over his legs and seemed to attach themselves. It inflated, firm but not enough to cut his circulation off. He supposed his hands were free to get around after landing. Or crash, whichever. When things looked close, he closed his eyes.

   He heard a pronounced hiss out of Ben.

   "Shit..."

   Then he felt impact. He thought he heard water, but... it didn't feel like water. He pinched his eyes shut, honestly terrified. Then? A much more solid impact. The tumbling he already felt got more violent, and... it felt like he finally came to rest. He was sore. He groaned.

   "Oh... you call that a landing..."

   "Oh Christ. It was... water, water, water... then? I don't know. A little patch of land..."

   "It hurts to breathe, Ben..."

   "Cracked a few... ah!... ribs. Join the club..."

   "Ben. Are we buried?"

   "I think... we're just upside down, more or less."

   "Great. Now what."

   "Wait and stabilize. Then? Get out of the harness, one point at a time. You don't want to crash onto your head..."

   "Great. I'm in a crash landing, and I have to... ouch... do a goddamn trapeze act now..."

   "I'll go first. Then I'll help you. I had to get out of a seat harness upside down for training."

   Ben slowly undid his harness point by point, after disengaging the emergency button. He sort of rolled out of the last one he left in. He groaned when he came out and bumped his rib-cage on his own control panel and controls. Then, he slowly tried to help Joe do the same thing, with a running commentary and trying to help. Joe eventually came out with the same rolling technique he was imitating? But crashed onto the control panel harder. He moaned and cried out in the pain of cracked ribs getting impacted, then laid there trying to get his breath.

   Ben chuckled softly.

   "What..."

   "The eagle? Has landed."

   "I thought you were... Air-hog 1 now."

   "How did you like my landing procedure. Ow."

   "Eh. The gliding? Okay. It was the sudden stop at the end. That... ouch... that's the part that hurt."

   "You think its just ribs, Carp?"

   "Ah. I think."

   "Same here. That was, really, about... you know... ah!... optimum for an orbital glide path emergency landing. Just so you know, when you review my skills if anyone asks."

   "Ben? How do we get out of this thing."

   "We could try various things, but I'm leaning towards the door. Just me and my wacky flight training."

   "Question."

   "Yeah..."

   "Isn't the door... kind of buried?"

   "Uh, that does happen."

   "Plan B?"

   "Hmm. If the door is buried or jammed? That means the permanently sealed escape hatch should be free."

   "Should be?"

   "Well, its possible to impact and have debris cover you. In which case. Both doors could be a problem."

   "In which case, we sit in our tomb like King Tut until archaeologists discover us? What."

   "Joe? Let me explain something. Aircraft? Are designed, for a purpose. This? Is an orbital shuttle. Its designed, to make short hops around a close knit knot of space stations. In low or no gravity. It was not intended for use like this. But if you did have some kind of catastrophic failure, and had to descend to ground in it? You would probably live. The way we just used this thing? We violated the manufacturer's warranty. Caution. Not intended as a primary vehicle to explore the universe. We? Just took... you know a riding lawn mower? Its intended for use in your back yard. Not to be taken across the country, coast to coast for a vacation. Which? Is what we did. Now. If I had to make a controlled crash in this thing? It was supposed to be somewhere in the general area of the airport. Crews would be out looking for me. They would already have equipment to dig me out and pry the doors open and clear rubble off the doors."

   "Okay."

   "Besides. Do you guarantee that's your buddy out there? Because I'm a pilot. We couldn't communicate. What if we violated some protected airspace. Hey. You fly over the White House? They'll scramble a fighter jet and shoot you out of the sky. Those crafts you saw? That might not be the welcome wagon."

   "What do you recommend."

   "Well? You told me these people are, what. Millions of years ahead of us in technology."

   "You ever see a four dimensional object, like they made before? We thought they were just theoretical objects. Not something real. They make them. I call that? Advanced."

   "Hmm. If they're that advanced, then? Whether they want to say greetings, earthling. Or? Kill us. Or even take us out for ice cream... wouldn't they be smart enough to dig some dirt off the door, and get us out for any one of those things."

   Joe pinched his nose, furrowed his brow, and tried to force himself to stop and think. While shoving his elbow in to keep his damaged ribs happy. Watching deep breaths that were already starting to really hurt. Stopping and thinking smart and logical is one thing. Doing it while hurt and while under pressure is another. He whispered out loud, as he went over options and evaluated his situation.

   "If its my voice buddy? He knows me. He saw my presentation, so he knows what I look like. But, the window is covered with dirt. Now, if I was waiting on someone? I'd wonder if the car that crashed a block away was him or not, when he was late. But, I wouldn't be sure. Can't expect our phones and radios to work together."

   Ben was listening to his little soliloquy. Ben was all practicality.

   "If he... monitors communications? Wouldn't he know what the orbital shuttle looked like? I'm sure there's pictures of what we disappeared in, all over the news."

   Joe chuckled and it made him wince and hold his ribs.

   "What?"

   Joe grinned.

   "Radio waves. Communications. They hit the black square, then they can get it. Comes right here. Makes a radio station too far away to tune in? A local station. But? They closed the black square. So... no more monitoring communications, for now."

   As if to answer the discussion going on inside the little orbital craft laying with a buried window and door, they could hear noise outside. Then the distinctive clicks, clacks and thunks of something happening to their small downed craft. Both of them groaned when the craft slowly tipped back mostly upright suddenly. It gently rolled and tossed them. They both held their ribs and panted and winced, to get it under control.

   Then? They could work the latch on the airlock. It took both of them, both using one good arm, trying not to strain rib-cages and breathe too hard. Finally, Joe reassured Ben about the atmosphere conversation again. Ben muttered, and they both put an arm to shoving upwards to get the door open. The hiss of a broken airlock seal under pressure. Both guys kind of peeked up and out, cautiously.

   The several crafts were a short distance away. There was a kind of tow cable that had rolled them upright a bit. The cable was attached to one of the smaller crafts. Several of the inhabitants were standing there on the back end of the bigger of the crafts. Grouped up, looking at them peeking out. Ben said they might still be cops, this is an accident scene and we violated airspace, damn it. Aliens just crash landed, cops would be a normal response. Ben added when Joe looked at him funny.

   "So? I say, we go slow, and keep our hands where they can see them."

   Made sense to Joe, too. They were both getting their first look at what these aliens would look like. From a distance? They would pass for human. A little tall, a little slender. Some things in the face and eyes were slightly off, but nothing grotesque or outlandish. They both kept their hands still. Open at about head level, palms out and forwards.

   The small gaggle of them? Looked at each other. The one pointed, gesticulated. They all started holding their hands at head level, palms out as well. Ben whispered, amused.

   "This, is your... race of advanced Einsteins, huh? We're standing here, playing monkey see, monkey do. I'm thinking about grabbing my crotch, seeing if I can get them doing it too..."

   "Ben? This is going really well. You nervous? I'm nervous. Bet they are too. The more I think about it? They probably think, holding our hands out? Is a greeting, maybe. So? They're doing it back. Trying to be polite."

   One of them came forwards on their craft a little bit. He slowly came up with something in his hand. He did things with it, then held it out towards them. Didn't really look like any kind of a weapon. To them? It looked more like a cell phone type of thing, generally.

   Joe heard a speaker.

   "Joseph. Joe. Joseph Hall Carpenter. That's you."

   It was, well? That, was his voice. The voice he knew.

   He waved his hand, this made them obviously somewhat excited. They were talking and gesticulating now.

   "Told you I was invited, Ben."

   "Great."

   The one was still holding out the thing in his hand. Joe raised his voice. He got the idea he was translating.

   "We crashed. We got hurt."

   He heard noise coming when he retracted the device back. They spoke now, and he held the device out again. The speaker came on again.

   "Don't be frightened, Joe. Come with us. We want to help. We don't want to hurt. Doctor. Hospital. Ambulance. Nurse. Medicine. Bandage."

   "Ben? The aliens crash landed. Let's go get a check up."

   "Yeah. Wouldn't want the rare lab rats to get hurt and croak. Fuck the whole experiment up."

   "Ben? Take my advice or not, but..."

   "What."

   "Try to be careful what you say. That thing? Translates English. What I mean is... did you notice what just happened? He threw a bunch of words out, so I got the idea what he meant. Sometimes talking? When I slept, those long conversations. Every once in a while? We had trouble talking. You know, like a foreigner doesn't get it? Its funny when you both figure out a way to understand each other. So... watch... what you SAY. Don't let anyone get the wrong idea."

   "The hell do you mean..."

   "Ben? I know exactly what you mean, when you say... I'm going to stick my foot in your ass sideways. I know its a joke. A phrase. But, you know how little kids can get the wrong idea? Or foreigners don't understand complex things yet? Don't say anything that would translate... threatening. You following me?"

   "Oh. Yeah. Short, easy sentences. Like... when you travel, you use a guide book. Common phrases."

   "Yeah. Like that."

   "Guess they didn't go to all this trouble, just to eat us."

   "Ben? Watch saying things... just like that."

   "Oh. Gotcha."

   The group seemed more at ease now. They had rolled the orbital shuttle they crash landed in, with obviously a tow cable sort of affair. To let them get out. It was still attached to one of the smaller crafts. The larger craft, got moved directly overhead. A small platform lowered. The one that held the handheld device was among the faces peering down from the opening the platform came from. He spoke then held his hand and device out. The speaker talking for him again.

   "Joe. Come with us. They will take care of this crash. Don't be frightened, Joe. We want to help."

   "Ben? Looks like the little ships, are... the tow trucks. They'll drag our car out of the ditch. Let's see what hospital food is like here, eh?"

   They hobbled and stepped up onto the platform that drew them up, and they went off. The group backed up from them. This was the first time they had all seen each other fairly close up. Ben decided to let Joe speak for them. After all... Joe was the one invited here. He? Was just the guy that drove and crashed the party.