Chapter 9 - the Green Frog

   After some talk sessions had taken place about the idea of taking a serious run at his long standing personal Devil, the rough idea formed. He's not a big vacation person, and neither am I. So, what the hell. We honestly didn't figure we'd get anywhere. But, we were going to force ourselves to take an extended vacation that we obviously wouldn't, under normal circumstances.

   With friends and acquaintances, it became our little talking point. We decided that it was our theory, that a naughty multi-billionaire? Would likely be dropping off the radar, and popping up unexpectedly in various places around the world? By boat. By cruise ship, naturally. Maybe even a big private yacht, yet he didn't seem to have one of those. Hence, we reasoned that a billionaire would want luxury living no matter what. Without the usual obligatory airport sighting, like most important people. Living on a constant diet of booking cruise liners seemed the only logical alternative.

   The rich elite aren't like actors and writers. Those big people, actually call the press when they're going out shopping. Then, the obligatory interview heart to heart. Oh, its ridiculous. I can't go out to get some groceries and buy some socks? Without all this commotion. Oh, its so tiring. Being famous? Just isn't what I thought it would be. Then, the big dramatic sigh.

   And the reality? One very big and very famous actor, let the cat out of the bag. He said it in one of his rare interviews. He laughed. All you have to do? Is not call the press and schedule the shopping trip. Its that simple. And? You all fall for it, hook line and sinker. Every time. And what do they all say? Oh, I'm this simple private person. This? Its all too much. He laughed again. The people managing the career, use this as a tool. And, that's why you never see me getting that, even though I'm an A list actor.

   So. The elite rich, that aren't politicians or actors or whatnot. Turns out, you can go and look at pictures and movies of their big yachts. The yacht itself, is so big and unique? Its almost its own character. You can go by yacht name, and see it traced from this elite to that elite.

   Our naughty billionaire? Doesn't show up in that online world. So? We're guessing he jet sets around by boat in tax exile. Unless someone has the boat in their name and he just owns and uses it... the cruise liner idea seems like its a germ of an idea.

   But hey. Its an excuse to do something we never would otherwise. Namely? To take an extended vacation. And, to go on cruises. And if it takes this hunting hobby to make it happen, oh well.

   So here we are. Panic found a big port, that was known for all the big cruise liners docking and leaving and getting worked on and supplies, and all that. When I started looking at travel agents and sites for that? He laughed. Just, go where all these boats are? Pick one. If you have money and a passport, what self respecting cruise liner with an empty spot would say no.

   We got a ride and dropped off. Panic's not a cheapskate, he'll actually spend serious money on something. But, it has to be for a reason. A travel agent, as it turns out. Was something that was just invented back in the day. The travel agent, isn't doing anything you can't do for yourself. Okay, it is convenient. You stop in, you pick a brochure out, or you peruse a stack of them.

   That's about the end of the travel agent's true usefulness. Honestly, its kind of fun. Its like, scrap booking or something. You spend weeks, looking at things. Picking things. Remember, the travel agent? Charges you a serious premium price to do this. If you can book parking, the hotels, the trips and things? Why spend a ton more on what amounts to phone calls, emails, and click click clicking around.

   Now. The people on the "tour"? Yeah, they're on the list, to go and all go do... whatever, at this and that port of call. Whatever. Panic made sure I understood. We're not prisoners on the boat. We can leave and run around and do whatever we feel like experiencing, as long as we're back by the time the boat departs. Or? Stay on the now partially or even almost empty giant ship. All the staff are bored, we have the place to ourselves. No waiting on anything.

   So. Here we are. We're dropped off, and dressed like a typical yin yang couple. We had planned and packed over weeks, with Panic treating this like a military expedition and making his go packs. He has little fold up wagons, to hold our luggage and gear. We each have two. They each have four fairly serious looking wheels and axles, not typical luggage wheels. They fold up surprisingly thin, but unfold to rather large cargo capacities.

   There were more cruise ships than we had planned on. Some are particularly huge, all vying for the title of biggest and best. He explained that cruise ships started out from two different avenues. The elite have always had luxury big boats. World war two, saw what was called the "Liberty ship" designed and put into production lines. Every so many days? Another combination cargo-passenger ship got floated and put to use.

   After the war, these were sold off to become either cargo ships, or passenger liners and refurbished and refitted for either purpose. Then? Over time, the bigger and better war started. Which one might a naughty billionaire pick. The biggest? Seemed logical. He had an epiphany. He texted JG, to call his burner phone with his own burner phone. I'm listening on speaker phone option, while we're taking a break from hiking up and down the long line of these things in port.

   "Hey, Junior."

   "Yeah. Vacation pictures already?"

   "No. We have yet, to set foot on a boat."

   "Okay. What's up. And why the burning phones."

   "Obviously, you keep it under your hat."

   JG is more than trustworthy.

   "Hey. I practically reinvented, operational security. I'm the original no tell motel, of tech support. Spill it. What's my favorite potato nigger need now."

   "Ideas, you fucking pollack. Ideas."

   "I'm about as Polish as a plate of spaghetti, you no good mick."

   "Love you too, little buddy. I'm going to say a name? And I never said it, you never heard it."

   "Plot thickens. I like it."

   "I want to, aw hell. You know the famous billionaire, the one France is always bitching about?"

   "What doesn't France bitch about. Do you mean, The Devil?"

   "Yeah."

   "The hell are you even... wait. Don't even tell me."

   "Kind of the whole point. We are on an extended vacation, we are going to take cruises like taxi cab rides. But? If I can get lucky and land on the boat he's on? Better vacation."

   "How the hell do you even know he's on cruise?"

   "Know? Nope. Theory? Yeah."

   "I could try to run a name past bookings, but... that would be me putting his name out there. Sound like an operational security point, that would be a bright idea to you?"

   "Not at all."

   "I could try to get whole passenger lists, then search myself. But honestly? Actors and other famous people, always have AKA names they travel under. Its a normal thing. Imagine a writer? Traveling under their nom de plume name. Like that. And that guy? I guarantee you, he's using one. France never met an asshole they didn't like? And even France talks shit on him. He'll be booked under David Smith, and he'll be wearing the glasses with the plastic nose built in. My best guess. Skip tracing a guy like that? Would be its own whole operation."

   "Well? You got any ideas, little buddy."

   "What's even the asshole's real name. Everyone just calls him... The Devil."

   "Ideas. Just, throw shit out, maybe something will come out of the brainstorm."

   "You got a name?"

   "Not really, no. I feel like an idiot now, he's The Devil."

   "Uh, I can send you a list of ship names, in port right now, or scheduled to be in port soon. Maybe something will pop out."

   "Not bad. Maybe, any ship names with... devil in the name? The wet devil, the ocean demon, shit like that."

   "I'm typing in partial match ideas, but... nothing popping up."

   "You see my idea. He's a multi-billionaire. If he's on a cruise ship? He could buy it and sell it when he's done with it. Probably, make money the whole time, more than enough profit to fund his tax exile life."

   "Is it just me, Panic? Or, do the very rich have a way of getting everything free, or even getting paid to have it."

   "JG? Makes sense to me. Its why they're very rich, and we're regular schmucks."

   "Yeah, yeah. Well. The guy's name, is... last name? Verte. Violet, Echo, Reflex, Testicle, Echo."

   "Love your custom phonetic alphabet, little buddy."

   "First name?"

   "Working on that one. Francois, I think."

   "You think?"

   "I work at the FBI, asshole. I can't get French tax records. You, of all people? Should know that the image of some hacker, breaking into every computer around the planet, on demand, every ten seconds the hero of the show needs something? Is not how it works."

   "No, I know that. Unfortunately, the smart ass sidekick? Seems very real."

   "Blow me. I'm thinking, I'm typing, I'm looking."

   "Thanks for the offer? But I was kinda hoping to get Merry here to blow me, on vacation. I heard its a rule. If you pay to take your side piece on a cruise? The bitch gotta put out."

   I couldn't help it.

   "That crack? Is going to cost you later. I'll remind you, asshole."

   Junior was cackling in the phone.

   "Hold on. I got an idea. I'm going to run the English dictionary, against ship names."

   "The fuck is that supposed to accomplish?"

   "A negative run, you potato fucking pee pee head. I want any ship name, that isn't English. He's French."

   "Oh. Good idea."

   "Yeah, that's why I just had it... Christ almighty."

   "What."

   "Rich assholes. They name these fucking ships? Like, those rich faggots name their stupid show dogs. All, foreign and Latin, six names at a time. Okay, that's a big list, but? I'm cutting any out that aren't at your port, or due in soon."

   "Good idea, Junior. You know, if your family in Poland would have been more effective at breeding more kids like you? Germans would have taken fifteen minutes to conquer the whole country, instead of five."

   "Ha, ha, ha."

   "You fucking Lightning yet? Or, you gonna finally come out of the Polish closet, on that score."

   "Blow me, Kemosabi."

   "Again. Lightning might take you up on that? Just saying."

   "Hey. That's weird."

   "What. I like weird."

   "Yeah, I know. All fur fags like you? Love weird furry shit. You pack your panda costume for the trip?"

   Panic laughed.

   "Good one. You get ten points for that one. Originality."

   "Kinda my thing, but..."

   "What."

   "Guys last name. I accidentally fed one of my lists, through the French dictionary, on a positive matches, and..."

   "No. Don't share. Not like I needed help."

   "Fuck you."

   "Listen to you, JG. Blow me. Fuck you. Why don't you just date one of Sigmund Freud's ancestors. I'm sure he has a friendly great nephew, you two could go look at furniture."

   "Yeah, yeah. His last name? Verte. That? Means... green, in French."

   "Wow. His name translates, to Frank Green? Imagine that."

   "Eh. Maybe Francis Green, but anyways... there's ships with green in the name. Problem? The environmental shit, has a lot of ships with green in the name. But, its an idea."

   "Not bad. Keep brainstorming."

   "I am, and... hmm."

   "What."

   "I got a hit on... Verte."

   "In port?"

   "Not, yet... but? Two, three days. And yeah, your port."

   "Ship name?"

   "Ends in verte. I'll text it to you. Oh. Fuck that, I'll just send you a picture, and... blown up, I'll send you the name out of the picture. Dude, you can't miss this ship. Its, wait for it? Light green in color. Most of them are mainly white."

   He got the pictures. The name? French. The... la grenouille verte.

   "Junior? Didn't you say you had a French dictionary there?"

   "Yeah."

   "Run that grenouille through the dictionary. Color me curious."

   "Is that how you pronounce that?"

   "Yeah."

   "Wait a minute. You can pronounce French shit, and I'm the one you're cracking fag jokes to? Fucking precious."

   "Junior. Just, saying the word precious? Puts you on the suspect list."

   "Wow."

   "What?"

   "Literal translation? Brace yourself."

   "Go."

   "Literally, its... the, frog, green... which would be in English..."

   "Fuck me. The Green Frog."

   "Yeah. And its green colored, couple days to come in."

   "Uh huh. Light green, kind of a, pale mint."

   "Great. That might be him. Oh!"

   "Yeah?"

   "The port, is all divided up by flags. What am I looking for."

   "Hmm. Some French corporation, but... they have an American subsidiary... flying an American flag, along with the French national flag."

   "Thanks. So, I'm looking for a United States flag, also flying a white surrender flag. Gotcha."

   JG chuckled.

   "Good one. As it turns out? Go to the, American part of the port. If you fly an American flag on a multi-flag deal? You qualify as American for porting."

   "Junior? Thanks. I owe you one. We're both burning, right?"

   "Yes."

   "Just checking. Remember, to forget this call."

   More chuckling.

   "I got one for you. Before you go."

   "Yeah?"

   "Green ship, basically named the green frog? Should have just named it... wait for it... the HMS Pepe."

   They both laughed at that one.

   "Good one. Just remember. Not a word. This call? Never happened."

   "Hey. I don't know what call you're even talking about."

   "That's my little buddy. When I get back?"

   "Yeah."

   "I'll buy you something, to say thanks."

   "Like, what."

   "Eh. Something... simply precious. In morning mint."

   More laughter.

   "Have fun."

   "Thanks. Bye."

   They disconnected.

   "Well, you heard all that."

   I certainly did.

   "Speakerphone and all."

   "Well? No guessing now. That just sounds like too much coincidence."

   I agreed.

   "It does."

   I thought about it, while we started lugging our fold up wagons behind us.

   "You know what that means?"

   "Mm."

   "We? Are in the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing. The universe? Wants this."

   He nodded.

   "Seems like. Hope the frog bastard is on the ship."

   I giggled.

   "What."

   "I just, we were wondering what ship he might be booking passage on? We're idiots. He's a multi-billionaire. Of course, he just owns his own ship. Duh."

   "Well? Lets just try to watch any obvious mistakes."

   "Okay."

   He paused.

   "I'm not kidding, Merry. This, just went from... hobby fun, no way in hell, good excuse to get me on a cruise trip? To a zone that might go hot. This is no training exercise, this is live fire. We need our A game on this."

   I sighed.

   "Well? There goes the vacation. All work and no play."

   He mused.

   "Actually? Looking like people playing on vacation? Is really the best way to succeed at this."

   We walked slowly, trailing two big fold up carts behind each of us. When we eventually made our way back to where we started, Panic stood.

   "Okay. This? Is the road in. Up that way? Is all the American flagged ships. Which, flying dual flags, one of them the stars and bars? Will be up that way."

   "What do we do for a couple days."

   "Nice hotel. I want the highest floor I can get. To watch for the ship. I got my good binoculars, I got infrared for night."

   "Great."

   "What."

   "Me, you. We were, just kind of having fun. Everything was, well? Fun. This was, just a crossword puzzle. Now? Let me guess. You're going to be glued to the balcony, binoculars glued to your face. Like, JG on stake out in the field. Like a switch got flipped. You're, already starting."

   "Starting what..."

   "I mean, you're not a million miles away? But, you know what I'm saying."

   "Merry?"

   "Yeah."

   "Have I ever once said to you, don't nag me, this is important?"

   "No. Not that I can ever recall."

   "I won't start now."

   "Smart ass."

   He sighed.

   "Tell you what. He ain't on the boat? We... I promise you, right hand up to god. I'll just be another dickhead with too much sunscreen on."

   "And if he is on that boat?"

   "Well, same thing except you'll know I'm pretending, but... that's not the point."

   "What is the point then."

   "If he's on the boat? I'll grant you, this kind of ruins your, big vacation. He's on it, after its over, and I mean win lose or draw. I? Will... we'll do whatever you want, for twice as long as this takes."

   "Really."

   "Scout's honor. I mean, you wanna go watch the whales farting, on an Alaska cruise? We go. I mean, anything. As long as it isn't into some area where there's any chance of danger? We'll go."

   I waited.

   "Honey? This was kind of my idea, I mean, I brought it up first, it kind of took off from there. You earned this, in my book. Just answer me one question."

   "Anything."

   "If this goes down. Successful hunt. Do you think, how to say this... it could be the, sort of the end of, I don't even know what. But, I think you know what I mean."

   He sighed. Scanning the horizon, and I know he's not looking for anything. he's musing on it.

   "Yeah. I'll be... relaxed. Retired. Something."

   I put my hand softly on his shoulder.

   "Good. This, doesn't all bug me? But... I want you to..."

   He paused.

   "Put it all behind me. Close that whole chapter of my life. Its lingered on too long already."

   "Something like that."

   He nodded.

   "Yeah. I think so, anyways."

   "Good."

   He waited again. Horizon faux scanning.

   "Merry?"

   "Yeah."

   "This. I can pull this off. This? Its... I want the right words, here. Remember you told me about Wizzy? That big case to get that dirty town."

   "I could never forget."

   "You said once. That, he told you. As it was coming together. Before, he..."

   I whispered it.

   "Yeah."

   "Didn't he say, he felt like, that was the whole reason everything he had gone through, that was why? So, he was ready to do that. His, purpose in life, or some shit like that."

   "He definitely did. Or, as I would put it? You said that. And, you just don't remember you said it."

   He waited. The horizon didn't seem likely to sprout morning mint green boats any time soon, flying any flags at all. Didn't stop his studying it, though. Nodding here and there.

   "That's this. That's me. Its like, everything was for a reason. And this? Is it. This? Is my... reason for my existence. Why the universe did everything it did to me. Its, all been just to prepare me? For this moment in time."

   "All right. I'm behind you, 110 over 100."

   He nodded.

   "Thanks. I love you. This goes down, I get this? I'm... yours."

   "You're already mine, you dip."

   He sighed. But he had quit scanning the horizon for nonexistent green pleasure boats.

   "Maybe, I'll be more... what. There. With you. All the time. This is the big one, honey. You know how many lives this guy has on his karma tab? Thousands. That's bad enough, but... he's in serious arrears. Interest, building up. This guy? Is responsible, for wiping out the better part of an entire little indigenous culture. I think its all about to go hot in Africa now. And, its not just me and mine he got killed. Those of us that lived? None of us is... all there. You know that. And, even his entire own country? Hates him. He's, just... you look up rich asshole, in the dictionary. Picture of this guy, next to the definition. I mean, talk about doing the world a favor. Talk about, really making a difference."

   "Its fine honey. If Wizzy can see me? He's either jealous or proud. And maybe both."

   He paused.

   "They can see us. They did their job? Setting the example. Its just our job, to make them proud."

   We started hauling our little fold up wagons to what looked like a hotel in the distance.