Chapter 12 - After Dinner

   The Devil tried to corral us for an after talk get together. Panic tried to beg off. Its like I can hear inside his head. I'm disgusted. I can pretend as long as I have to, but this is getting to me. Sadly, I won't snap... but I should.

   "Monsieur has been such a gracious host. How could I refuse."

   The Devil looked like he was trying to decide. Assigning percentages to chances. Was he being aped and imitated for humor at his expense? Or, was Panic simply being not quite humorous but something near. He finally chuckled.

   "Monsieur Panic, might learn to be rude, and he is already more than polite."

   Panic has masks. I still have them? But they're left over from when I still needed them to hide in plain sight. I know his masks, I know where they come from and what he's trying to put out for the world to see.

   His warmest, friendliest and most expansive grin.

   "I, don't know what to say."

   "My father, a young lesson? Was to not give advice. Merely, to make suggestions."

   "And, your suggestion?"

   "My American phrases. Say, what you would say. And... the chips, fall?"

   "You flatter me."

   "And? What person, does not enjoy a little bit of the flattery, eh."

   Panic gave his faux surrender body language.

   "I can teach you nothing. Except, maybe another American phrase to add to your collection?"

   "Ah. Please."

   "I'm out of my league."

   "Hmm. May I be polite rude, one more time?"

   "Sure. I like the truth."

   And The Devil put his arm around his shoulder.

   "Come. I will try to obey my father's wishes. I will make suggestion, and avoid giving the advice. If you would have this."

   Panic sighed.

   "Sure."

   "You, have come to this not long ago. You tell me this. Yes?"

   Mine nodded.

   "American phrase. All men? They put their trousers on, one leg at a time."

   Another nod.

   "But? Also. It would seem, that some men do not. It is as if, they must hold their pants in front of them, each morning. And they just jump into them both legs at once."

   More nods. This, was the nodding game.

   "And I ask you. Which one, am I."

   Panic furrowed his brow.

   "You... both legs."

   He winked.

   "This, I sense this. Men think this. Do you think I was what I am, now? Not always. No. I was never poor, but... I have only what my father had, and left to me. Without him? I would work at the bakery. I would not matter. If I am at other times, polite but rude, to tell the truth? Then I am telling it now. Yet. I will tell you. The time? It came. My father. Here. This? Is you now. I? Will take my wife, and live at the country. I want to be a nice grandfather. Make me little babies, and bring them to me. But? Go. Do this. And? You must believe me. I? Was very nervous. I was frightened. I could not sleep, not good. What if I... fuck in the ass, all my father has done. This man, my father. He starts with... he worked at the bakery. The old man? Could not make babies, he gives him his little bakery. And? My father made more bakeries, and... he becomes, ah. Men think he jumps into the trousers."

   Panic grinned.

   "And my father? He knows. I am scared. What can a man hide, from his own father? Nothing. He tells me. I was scared? To run the store, when the old man goes to the country for a week. Then? He was very scared, when the bakery goes to him. Then? He was... more scared. To open the next one. For to fail, was to lose two bakeries now. Eh. He said, after three or four bakeries? Ah. I do what I do. And? He tells me. Then, it was no different, than making the dough for the baguettes when young."

   A pause. He has these perfect pauses. His cadence, is rich.

   "Now. My father? Starts with nothing. He does not matter. By the time he has the gray hairs? He matters. Some. Then a little more. And in the end? He is.. a little important. But. I? Start with what he has. And, the son has the blood of the father, in him. I am no different than my father. I was scared? But, I take what I have, and I make more. But, since I start with... more? I get to more. You see where I am."

   Another pause.

   "You? Are American. Do you, watch the... cowboy when you are young? On the television."

   "Yeah."

   "Ah. The cowboy. Always, this stranger in town. They take him... for light? And. What does he do. The new sheriff. The, gunslinger. Why, nobody knows, whatever hits them. You? Can be cowboy. These men? Will maybe not know, whatever has hit them. You? Are stranger in this town. I see you. One of these men? They say sweet things to your woman. You do not do anything, and yet they do not say this anymore, to her. You? Yes, you are American cowboy. But."

   "Yes?"

   "This, is not gun fight. This is, what. Money fight. My father? Scared. But, he does this thing and wins. Me? I was scared. But... I do this thing, and I win. And now? I come to the... polite rude, the suggestion. With your permission."

   "Please."

   "I ask you. Is a little rude, but is necessary. No one hears. I? Will not tell. Do you have, one million dollars? It is rude to ask, but, I must. Please. Indulge me, just a little bit more."

   Panic sighed.

   "I could just get that. It would... risk everything, and... I'm happy right now."

   "Happy? Is good. And tell me. Before this. You did not have this one million. Eh? Did you eat. Did you live in a warm place."

   "Sure."

   "Okay. You sat at the poker table. You had a little money. And? You get this big... pot. You win. Now? You have a stack of chips. Maybe, not as many as the other players. But, you have winnings."

   He nodded.

   "Okay. Now. Pretend, only. They... kidnap. They, take this wife. They want the one million dollars. You would give it to them, to bargain for her life to come back to you, no?"

   "Definitely."

   "Okay. And tell me. If you give the kidnap, the one million dollars. And, they throw it in the fire. Would you still live? Eat, be warm."

   "Well, yeah."

   "Good. So. Now, my suggestion."

   "Please."

   "Take the one million. Buy, the paper contract. You now have 1.2 million, and this is for certain. You wait a little, you know it comes. Yes?"

   He nodded. Back to the nodding game.

   "Now. I am used to these thing. You? You, start a business. Is different. I will make sure you know this. It is not a note, which is a special name for certain piece of paper. But? It works just like one. You own it. You can sell it. If you want the money now, not to wait for... mature? You discount it. You sell, what is a certain 1.2 million. For a little less. You, do not now have to wait, to get your money. If you discount, to fifteen percent, down from the twenty percent? Is still, great investment. You could get it sold, at twelve percent, but it will sell very fast, at fifteen."

   "Okay."

   "Now. You? Have just made, five percent. And, in very little time. You have your one million back, in your hand. You also? Have five percent more. Where is risk? None. You, have just enough money, that is a tool. A shovel? Only holds a little dirt. But? If you throw that shovel twenty times? You now have a pile of dirt. This, is easy math. Yes?"

   "I follow."

   "Good. No risk, five percent more. In? No time waiting. Do this thing again! You have your one million back, do it again. Now? You have ten percent more. I tell you. If you do this thing, twenty times? You will have two million dollars. And where was the risk. Where, was the big time to get it. You? Used to work to make your money. But now? Your money? Works for you. Now? You buy two contracts, one million each. Discount, sell. Now? The five percent, is ten percent. Because you now do two papers at one time."

   "You, make it sound..."

   "Easy? It is. Risk? Where is it. Long time? No. You? Are not robbing the bank. No law is being broken. Monsieur Panic? You now sit, at the table. I? Give you? Nothing. You? Take nothing, from me. When you do what I just suggest? You are helping me! I am very happy! You are not working for me! You? Are, listen very carefully. You? Are working... w-i-t-h me. And? One last little story, an American one. Again, with your permission."

   "Please."

   "Mister... Edison. The, light bulb man. I am sure, you know of him, no? Who does not. Edison, he was already rich and famous. He was... very big man at this time, and... he mattered. Men would come, and work for him. Along comes this man. He does not seem very different, from the other men, that came to work for Edison. But? This man, he had one difference."

   "And, what was that."

   "Ah. He tells Edison. I did not come to work for you. I? Have come, to work with you. And this man? Went on to have more money, than the famous and rich Edison. He, starts with the Wall Street."

   Panic said nothing.

   "But? Do not believe me. I? Would not, if I was wearing your shoes. I would say? This is too good. So it can not be possible. I take no offense. Go. Get the lawyer. Let them see, the papers. There are, papers with they will see everything? But, will not know how to come and get this seat at the table. You? That, is for you. There are companies, that it is their job? To discount and sell what I am suggesting. Ask. See. Your one million? Will be back, I would say, in one week. With? Five percent. Five percent, is not much profit. But? With no risk, and in one week. Week, week, week. Five, ten, fifteen. In... twenty weeks. A little less, a little more. You? Will be getting the two papers at once! Then? ten, ten, ten. Every week."

   He put both hands on his shoulders.

   "If you were French? I would kiss both cheeks. I? Am not giving to you. I am not helping you. You? Are helping me. And? At the end of one year, maybe two. I am seeing... you adding that zero, onto the end of your number, of your checking account, eh?"

   He stared him in the eyes.

   "Take it. And I tell you this. With, a couple weeks, a couple papers discounted and brokered quick? You will soon find. Back to my father. Making the baguette dough, for the old man that owned the little bakery. He was scared, but he does it. And? He tells me. Is easy, is like making the dough. Then? Another bakery? A little scared, but... soon, that is just making the baguette dough."

   And then The Devil smiled at him.

   "This, is my suggestion. And I ask you. Do, you have the big house, the big car?"

   Panic paused.

   "No. I live like I did before."

   "This? Is good. I am no math, genius. I keep numbers simple. But. Let me make sure. Week, five percent. Twenty weeks? Is another million. Now? Ten weeks, is four million. Thirty weeks. Now? You have four papers. Twenty percent, each week. Five weeks more now? Is eight papers. The one year, is not done. You will have that extra zero, and more. By the end of that one year. And, what can you do with that ten million. Ask me. If you wish."

   "Well?"

   He nodded at Panic. Slowly.

   "Your one million? Is a tool. It is but a shovel, really. But, your ten million? Is a steam shovel. And? There will be a bigger table now. And I tell you, this secret."

   He winked and grinned. Wagged his head.

   "I put the trousers on? One leg, and then the other leg. So did my father. And, these other men? The same. Now. Ask me. What do I want."

   "What do you want."

   "What I want? Is to see you. This one year from now. I want to see how happy you are. Now. Some men. Many men, I think. They want to make themselves happy. But? Maybe, it is because I am a little bit rude, if I am polite, but still. But? Also maybe, because I can be a little rude, to tell the truth? Eh. Maybe this is why I like to think, I can see the truth, easier. I see many things. I see you. You? Are a little bit different. I see you. Playing the card games, with the boys in the engines. And? You like to see and learn things. The navigator. And? I see more."

   "What more."

   "The, other men. They have their wives. Their girlfriends. Some of them? It is a mistress. Shh. I see one pinch you, on your bottom. You? Did not like this. And? Her man she is with, he was a little bit rude to you."

   He looked at me, and shrugged.

   "I am a man. In my country? A man has a little more? It is normal, that I have a mistress. Me? My wife, my mistress. We go out, and to dinner together. This, is normal to the French. It is not a sin. But this man, your man? He, did not want this. And? The man that was a little rude to you. You? Did not want to... stab his back, by stabbing his woman. What I am saying, is that I see. You? Are a very good man. I like this, it is rare."

   "So? My lessons. From my father. When I was little? I was taught not to be an asshole."

   "Ah. And? I like this. Now. Tell me. I know, you did not think, that this? Was for you. Is this so?"

   "This... surprises me."

   He nodded.

   "You, played the hide and the seek. With, the girls that clean the rooms. What I think I am seeing, is that you are a... simple man? If you get your extra zero, a year from now. And you come back. I think. You will play the hide and the seek. And will want to see what new, toys the navigator has to play with, for the big boat. And, you will want to play the cards with the engine boys. Am I correct?"

   "Yeah. I don't change. Or, I try not to."

   He nodded.

   "I like this. I need men around, that are like this. And so I ask you. If you get that, one more zero. Will you feel, the guilt."

   "Guilty? For what."

   "Ah. For what! You? Have done no bad thing. Eh, I am not making fun with you. Maybe, you want to, what. Feed the hungry people. You tell me, little town you live in. So, maybe no hungry people, on the street. But. Maybe, this little town? Needs... I do not know. Maybe, a police automobile. And this thing, would make the guilt go away. Ah. I clap my hands. With joy. You would make the world? A little bit better, around you. Now. You can do this thing, with your one million. But. Imagine how many people you can help? With that one more zero, eh? Maybe, make enough guilt go away, that... you can now get the house, the car. Whatever... trinkets you might have dreamed of, as a little boy. This is good. Do it. And? Still play the cards, in the engine. I? Will play the cards, with you."

   He shrugged.

   "Maybe, I will learn something, from you. Perhaps? We will feed some hungry people together. Or? Get two of the police automobiles. Or? I am sure, there are people around you. You must have friends. Others. Perhaps? You would like to give some friend, that little bakery. They can make the baguettes. But. When you have more? You can do more of this. If, you want to be the... Mother Theresa. I will not laugh. If one of these men, laughs? I will tell them, this is not funny. Why are you not doing this thing."

   He shrugged again.

   "I am sure, you have a shovel. Is the shovel, good or bad. You tell me."

   "The million dollars, that shovel?"

   The Devil laughed. And, it seemed genuine.

   "I do not laugh, at you. I laugh with you. No. I make the mistake, I mean the real shovel. For... real dirt. Is the shovel good, or bad."

   "Its, just a shovel. I move some dirt with it."

   "Yes. A tool. Now. If you... I do not know. Use the shovel, to hit someone. Or? Maybe throw the dirt, through the sun roof, of their car. Because, they cut you off, driving. I ask you. Was the shovel bad? Will the police, come and take the shovel away. You were a bad shovel. I am being silly, yes. But? No. It was a tool. A tool? That you, used. You did bad things with it. Now. If you take that shovel, and... I do not know. Maybe, dig a well. To make water, for... where they need water. Will they put a medal on the shovel, for this? Give the shovel the key, to your little town. The mayor, thanking the shovel on the newspaper. So silly, but no. Again? But a tool. But, you did a good thing with the tool. It is you, and it is not the shovel. That is good? Or that is bad."

   Panic nodded.

   "And now. You buy a steam shovel, the big tool, to move a lot of dirt. What you would shovel all day? You can do, with one big scoop. Just like that. Why, just imagine. You could dig many wells, all over the little town, every day. A new water well, for every person in no time. And why? Because you have a bigger shovel."

   He shrugged again, this was the shrugging game. It had replaced the nodding game.

   "These? Are but my suggestions. And. This, seat at this table. If you do not take this seat? It will not take long for another man to take this seat. But this other man? Maybe, he will not shovel the well, and make the water. Perhaps he will just make himself happy, and piss upon people instead."

   The Devil put his hand on his shoulder.

   "I would rather have a good man at the table. This world? Would be just a little bit better. Do it for you. For her. Do it? To see the smile, when you give someone that little bakery, in that little town. Then go there, and enjoy their little baguettes. But? Do it. See? I can take that guilt away, maybe. I am not so bad a man. Just a little bit rude, eh."

   Neither one said anything for a short time.

   "And? Enough of this. My wife? Her tummy. She eats, too many of... these sweet little cherries. It is her little sin. And? Her lesson, is her sore tummy. And I think, if you know the cherries, you know it is not just the tummy, eh?"

   Good lord. The Devil, the very naughty billionaire. He's making the most polite, sideways reference to admit his wife is afraid to shit herself, for eating a big bowl of sweet cherries. The upper crust? Can make the shit your pants jokes, sound like a ballet.

   "And so? No more business. No more work. And what shall we do. I have no wife to amuse me."

   Panic shrugged.

   "My apologies, for your wife and the cherries."

   "And did you shovel those cherries into her? No. Me, I try to learn. I like too much butter, when I have the seafood. I find my tummy then. I learn slowly? But, I learn. My wife, the cherries? No learning. Maybe this time, she learns. What can be done."

   Panic calculated. I can see his cogs turning. Clicking. Whirring. He just took it literally.

   "Well? Before we amuse ourselves. You were talking, about being paid. In bananas."

   "Yes?"

   "On our way. We should take her a little gift. Bananas."

   "To, what. Amuse herself, with the banana? While I am not there?"

   Panic looked around, grinning.

   "No. What too many cherries do? Bananas. They do the opposite."

   The Devil's face lit up.

   "Ah! Yes, yes! Very good. Very, very good. A little gift. And then? It is not late. We will have some silly fun."

   We did in fact, hit the food storage. He had someone pause working on preparing kitchen prep work, to stop and go get him a bunch of bananas. Making a little polite joke about what they were for. His wife? Was sheepish. And now pissed that, as she put it. Now, everyone knows.

   The Devil, got called an asshole. She ripped the bunch of bananas out of his hands, and she slammed the heavy steel door to their very spacious cabin? So hard it rang like a gong. The door, was a fraction of an inch from hitting his nose. Another inch into the doorway? He would have had a blood faucet, instead of a nose.

   He just turned to look at us, and shook his head.

   The Devil sighed.

   He smiled, and he gave another of his expressive shrugs.

   "I apologize for this. It is me, it is not you. Do not take the insult, from this. My wife has this, I call it the... cherry bottom, eh? And so, another precious American phrase. I must apologize for her, because as you see? She is the... bear, with the sore, ass."

   Another sigh, another shrug, another little smile.

   "You see this thing? As I say before. Life? It is shit. We must make what we can with it. And when life is shit? There is the coffee. I would say come. It is suggestion. But the coffee? Is good. Eh?"

   We followed The Devil, who was shaking his head at it all.