Chapter 17 - Hunches

   To say you could have knocked me over with a feather, would be the understatement of the year. Perhaps of the decade. I'm reminded of both Wizzy and Panic saying similar things. Paraphrasing both of them into one? When things finally begin to change, they sometimes change quickly.

   Panic is now very quiet. I know him. He's often described as moody. He's actually not. He's quiet when he's thinking. His thinking expression, unfortunately, is easily mistaken for a person angry. He told me many times, people that don't know him well yet, will often remark. What are you mad about, what are you so down about. When in fact? He's actually in a fairly good mood. He said he finally got tired of hearing it, and sat near a mirror and looked away. He went into thought, got lost in it. Then? Remembering his test he had set up... he turned his head so he could see his expression before it changed.

   He said, yeah. He could see where people might think that. But I know the real him, the thing underneath it all. There's a sweet little boy underneath it all. Before the the world got to him. Its still in there, and I get to see it. Not many other people do, though.

   True to The Devil's words, our things were in a box just inside the door to our room. We sat and talked a little while longer, but it wasn't much of a talk. His brooding state predominated, and I got to watch his Swiss watch brain at work. Cogs turning. Some moving fast, some slower.

   The things I observed in this intermittent conversation? None of them discounted the novel place we had arrived at. Some seemed irrelevant. When another hour produced nothing new, he looked at me.

   "Okay. You? Call it."

   "Why me."

   "Well? I was fooled along with everyone else at the equator. I took a halfhearted run at trying to rid the world of him once. I've spent years, dwelling on this man. I came this close? To having him. And now? I feel like I just can't trust my own judgment. You, are an outsider to all this, in a way."

   He paused. Is he picking up The Devil's dramatic pauses.

   "It takes an outsider, to do that. When I was young? We had this one kid. Standard bully type. Some new kid moved in? You can set your watch by it. He moved in on him, giving him the shits. Kid didn't buy into his bullshit. Ended up decking him. Our hometown bully? Folded like a house of cards. I asked my dad, my dad laughed. We all grew up with him. We... knew? He was what he was. But, to an outsider? He wasn't shit. But we couldn't see it."

   Another pause.

   "You see this all through history, too. Hitler? Really wasn't German. He was Austrian. Next door neighbor to Germany. He saw things were, a cartoon. Napoleon? Paris was the center of all things important, and he was from a poor noble family, from the countryside. Kind of an outsider. Same thing. He saw things were a cartoon, and easily taken over."

   Yet another.

   "So? I'm blind to things. Because I... know them. So. You have anything to add?"

   I waited.

   "Karma."

   "What about it."

   "From the moment this started? How easy was this. To get here. How many times have you said it before, and now once about this. When you're in the right place, doing the right thing, at just the right time? Its like you can't help but succeed. For the love of god, we made a huge schoolboy error? And, there we go again. Thank god we made that mistake, its looking like."

   "Merry? I feel like my whole life, has been leading up to this moment in time. And now? Like I said. I just can't trust my judgment."

   "We both believe in karma."

   He nodded.

   "So, lets go that route. If you just go to the service and... go back home and go to college. Where do you end up."

   "Most likely? Some computer programmer somewhere."

   "But you didn't. You wanted to change your stars, and... some guy that ran your chess team online? You saw your moment of Teed, and... looked through books for civilian jobs that leaned towards former military. From that moment on? You were on this course."

   "Yeah."

   "Rob thinks god called him to fight down there. You think the universe and karma wanted it. But? It made you into who and what you are."

   "A monster."

   "You're not a monster. Just because Rob isn't here to smack you upside the head, don't think I won't do it. And I'm not done."

   "Pray continue."

   "Karma. If, you weren't made. Into who and what you are? I got assassinated in my bed, at zero dark thirty, in DC. Why? Because you wouldn't have been brooding. About what happened down there. And looking to redeem yourself, to hunt the smiley face killer. And even if you wanted to? You wouldn't have had any of the tools you needed, to seal that deal. The universe wanted that, too. And? That brought you to DC. To me."

   "Yeah."

   "Uncle Mike found you, through me. I remember you thought, that getting your hands on the smiley face killers? Was your... what you were meant to do. Hell. What about the dirty dozen. What about, you kicked me and Uncle Mike's eavesdropping operation into high gear. All this? Say it."

   "Karma."

   "Damn straight. And? It all goes into making you sit around and brood, for years, to get the asshole that caused all that... shit down at the equator. Right?"

   He nodded.

   "All right. Just like, a murder investigator. Looking for the killer? You thought you had a good suspect. A great suspect. But? Its just not looking like its... him. But I tell you something? The universe and karma, didn't pick you for this, out of a hat. You're smart. You're tough. You're persistent as hell. The universe wanted you to have this... do or die philosophy."

   "Your point?"

   "I hate to sound like one of your... motivational posters you collect on your laptop? But, isn't it always darkest just before the dawn? How many times have you kept hammering away at what was supposed to be, quote unquote... impossible? And pulled it out of your ass."

   Now I did the dramatic pause.

   "The universe? Clearly wants this. Rob believes in hunches, right?"

   "Yeah."

   "Wizzy, brought in the MP's. There was one. Target. You met him. The FBI agent married to my left wing on my team. The guy with the giant dog."

   "I liked that dog. Bully. Poor bastard is like me. You get shot for doing your job, and trying to do the right thing."

   "Hey. No good deed goes unpunished."

   He finally chuckled.

   "Ain't that the fucking truth."

   "Well? Target? He operated on hunches and instinct, too. Its how those impossible cases, get solved. I'm telling you? We're... you're... right fucking there. The real devil? He's just around the corner. Now. You just, tell me your hunches."

   He sighed.

   "I'm missing something. I'm telling you, its right there, and we just can't see it."

   "Good. Your hunch, on why."

   "Whatever it is? We're... just blind to it. Because we're too damn close, to see it. Whatever it is."

   "You want my hunches?"

   "Sure."

   "That guy? Got tricked and fucked, by whoever or whatever, is really responsible for all this. Maybe he knows. Or? Maybe, he can find out. You, Rob, Skykid. You guys are combat. This? What you're looking for. Its not a combat operation. This, is... something from? His, world. The world of... big finance. The big, backroom deals. The politics of it all, that you definitely don't get to see on the news."

   "That's your hunch?"

   "In Rob's words? Yep yep. He either knows, or, might know? How to find out."

   "All right. Its still your call. What do you say."

   "We put all these hunches together. You said, a little while ago. My enemy's enemy? Is my friend. Necessity, is the mother of strange bedfellows. The universe made you, made me, brought us together? Then, even those things it wanted out of us... was just more... leading here. This? Is big. Its huge. It makes the... smiley face killers? Look like kids stealing candy bars. Now. I thought your motto? Was do or die. You only have two choices. You keep following through? Or, you die first."

   He said nothing.

   "Panic? Do or die. Follow through. Its... right around the corner. Now, do I need to backhand you and smack the taste out of your mouth, to wake you up. Or, fuck the shit out of you. What."

   He waited, then finally spoke quietly.

   "You're right."

   "Okay, then. Lets go have a midnight snack."

   On the way out, he said it again.

   "Rob's going to kill me."

   "Aw, shut up already. Rob can't handle this. This isn't combat. Its a big puzzle. That's your thing. Rob? Would have snapped his neck, and fucked this all up. And? Its my hunch, but... he'd have killed the only guy, that can tell us how to get what you want. You? Are the one with infinite patience. The one that does good at big puzzles."

   "I still wish Mike was here, and in on this. This is the exact sort of shit he's good at. The... damn intelligence games. He'd probably see something, because he pulled this kind of shit for a living, before he came to the FBI."

   "Yeah. I can't fault you for that one. We're on our own, on this one, though."

   We stopped as we got near to the bridge stairs. I patted his shoulders and gave him a little kiss.

   "For luck."

   He grinned at me.

   "Good fortune? Is usually with he who has the most cannon."

   I nodded. Brooding mood, over.

   He's back.