I woke up in the middle of the Night. It was still dark, but Moonlight shone through the open window.
The first thing I noticed was that I wasn’t in my Room. I had never been in this Room or Bed and couldn’t remember how I got here.
I turned towards the window, and a gust of wind caused the curtains to flutter gently—a half-moon peeked through the clouds.
What a weird Nightmare. It felt so real, or is it over? The Moon phase is at least correct, and I can still hear laughter coming from the Harvest Festival Outside.
And unlike in the dream, in the real world, I had a massive headache and a parched throat. I quickly fixed the Headache with Magic and then pulled the sheets away from me to get some water.
“Shit? Not again, the maids are gonna kill me.”
Beneath the sheets was my completely naked body, which isn’t that weird. I actually prefer to sleep nude, but what made me call out in shock was the dried blood between my legs that had trickled down in my sleep. Forming a small red circle on the white sheets. Has my Menstruation cycle changed? No, that couldn’t be it. I just had my period two weeks ago, and even though I was sleepy and my lower body was sore, it didn’t really feel like my period.
I still couldn’t figure out how I was in this situation when I noticed a slight movement on the left side of the bed.
I got so scared that I almost jumped out of Bed. A few seconds of silence later, and after I gathered enough courage, I pulled the sheets back further until a face came into view.
Janus,
It was his Face.
He was sleeping next to me.
As I pulled down further, a musky smell came out from the bed sheets, and Janus’s bare body was uncovered.
We had Sex.
I couldn’t believe it. I tried to remember what happened last Night, and it shocked me. I had just one beer and was still perfectly sober when I began to cling to Janus. Why did I do that? One beer isn’t enough to make me drunk. But when he wanted to go to bed, I offered to escort him. He was so drunk I was barely able to bring the two of us to his bedroom. No one paid us any mind. They were all just as drunk as Janus was. It was just the two of us.
When we reached his door, I clung to his arm instead of leaving…
and kissed his cheek.
I don’t know what had come over me. I have never done this before.
After this, I lost all restraint.
The last memory was of me sitting on top of Janus’s unconscious body.
*Ruby (Present)*
I’m sitting in Janus’s Bed as straight as an arrow, my head filled with questions.
What now? How can I fix this?
I breathed in and out for three long breaths. And carried out my hastily made plan.
I made sure Janus was unconscious with a bit of death magic. Right afterward, I carefully removed the soiled bedding and exchanged it for a new one I found in his closet.
Some would love to see me accept the mistake and live with the consequences, but I’m a coward. I never liked confrontations and preferred to keep my head low.
Janus is not supposed to be with me. He is the heir of a noble house and is expected to marry a woman of status, not someone like me. Someone with no backing, no status, and no money. Someone with questionable origin and only a bare understanding of social norms and etiquette. I have made up my mind to keep what happened a secret. I hope he doesn’t remember. No, he absolutely mustn’t remember.
The death magic worked wonders, and even when I flipped him over and cleaned him up with a wet towel, he didn’t wake up.
I put my clothes back on and threw his clothes all over the bedroom.
After dressing up, I picked up the soiled sheets and approached Janus, now peacefully sleeping in a freshly made bed. I put my hand on his head, slowly lifting the spell I had put him under, making sure he would have no side effects.
When I lifted my hand again, for a second I couldn’t help but marvel at the sight before me. He looks peaceful and calm, in stark contrast to how I feel. I couldn’t even put what I’m feeling right now into words except for one: Regret.
I don’t know how I will ever face him again, and I can only hope he doesn’t remember anything. If he does, I might lose a friend at best or need to disappear at worst. I feel like this is a turning point.
If I stay, I…
If I leave, I…
I turn around, unable to decide, but ultimately reach for the door.
I look back one last time to ensure that nothing is left. I feel like I have taken care of everything and put my hand on the doorknob, but then I hear a sound.
“Ruby,” it was but a whisper. I turned around as slowly as possible, only to see Janus’s still-sleeping Face. He was sleep-talking. I breathed a heavy but silent sigh of relief.
Again, I hesitate. Can I really leave him like this? By my own standards, I should own my mistakes and make up for them. But I couldn’t. He looked so defenseless. Then, it dawned on me what I had really done. I took advantage of him.
I raped him.
The revelation made me burst into tears. He was my first Friend in this new world. What have I done?
I pushed the door open.
Through my tears, I was able to sneak to my bedroom, which was just a few turns away, and stored the bloodied sheets under my bed frame for now. I would need to dispose of them later.
I closed my eyes and lay on my bed, trying to sleep, trying to forget, but I couldn’t.
I felt like I had really become a demon, like the demon of my dream, a monster.
