“WHAT?!”
I covered my ears. I understand that it may be shocking to him, but why does he have to scream again? I’m right in front of him.
“Calm down, Benni, you don’t have to scream, I’m right here.”
“How? How can you be pregnant?”
What did he mean by “How”? Did he not know how it works? I thought since he is already fifteen, someone would have told him about the birds and the bees.
“I won’t go into detail about how. I will tell you in our next biology lesson. As for your other questions that you no doubt want to ask, I know who the father is, but I don’t want to tell anyone. I’m in my second month, and I have only told Otto and you so far; even the father doesn’t know that I’m pregnant. As for why I keep it a secret, I… I’m scared what they might think of me and the father if they find out.”
“Ruby, you don’t…”
“I know I shouldn’t be afraid. And that I won’t be able to hide it for much longer anyway. Just… Benni… Please promise me you won’t tell anyone.”
“Ruby I…”
Benni choked on his words. It seemed my problems were a bit much for the fifteen-year-old. For a few minutes, there was an awkward silence between us, and I sat down again. Maybe telling him was a mistake. I just couldn’t find a way around it. I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if we got into an argument and someone died, or if healing someone would get delayed just because I wanted to keep it secret. So far, only Otto, Benjamin, and Rika know about it. Not that I told her, of course, it was just that the questions she had been asking the last few days had been rather suspicious.
Suddenly, Benjamin kneeled down in front of me, ripping me out of my thoughts. He took my left hand and said,
“Ruby…”
Ehm what? No, no, no. Please don’t tell me…
“Do you want to marry me?”
“!?!?!?”
Did I hear right? Marry me, is he crazy?
“Benni… what!? Where does this come from?”
I mean, I knew that he was looking into my cleavage now and again and that he kept getting embarrassed in front of me all the time, and... Huh, now that I think about it, his crush on me had been rather obvious. But marry me? My whole life, I wanted to fall in love and hear these words. It was the desire to fall in love that allowed me to be reborn as a demon. But right now, the only feeling I had was pity.
“When I marry you, you won’t have to be afraid of what others think.”
“Benni, you really shouldn’t…”
“I will go with you wherever you want to go.”
“I promise I will raise your children as my own.”
“Please, Ruby, if you marry me, I promise I will do right by you.”
With every sentence, I could feel his hand grasping mine even firmer. He really wanted to marry me. It wasn’t just because he saw it as a solution to my problems. In his eyes, I could see it; he loves me. He was being genuine and sincere.
While I was being none of these… He was laying his heart bare in front of me. And I again… felt nothing. I was confused and caught off guard, but did I like Benjamin?
No
Sadly, I felt no different towards him than before. I would have to crush his first love. The most I could do is be honest with him and soften the fall.
“Benni, I’m flattered but… I’m sorry I can’t take your offer.”
Tears began to fall down the boy’s face. Shit, now I’m also tearing up. Stupid hormones!
“What? Why? I’m not lying, I really…”
“I know you are being sincere, I just don’t want you to suffer due to my own mistakes.”
“I wouldn’t suffer, I promise I…”
“No, you would.”
“But…!”
“Benni, I don’t love you like you love me. It wouldn’t be fair to you.”
“You don’t know that, just let me…”
I stood up again, pulling the still crying Benjamin up and into a tight hug.
“I’m really sorry, Benjamin. I’m happy that you asked me to be your wife; I really am, and you are the first to do that. But I can’t let you do this. You deserve someone who loves you just as much as you love them. You shouldn’t give up your whole life for someone who can only ever see you as a friend. You are just fifteen years old, and there will definitely be someone who will love you just as much as you love them. I promise.”