The first thing I saw when I woke was Janus, his face so close to mine I could almost count his eyelashes. His eyes were still closed, his breathing slow and steady, the kind of peaceful rhythm that made me want to stay in this moment forever. Sunlight slipped through the window, painting a golden path across the tangled sheets and catching the dust as it drifted lazily in the air. For a second, it felt like the whole world had paused just for us.
Every breath I took was thick with the scent of him: mint, worn leather, and that faint trace of his mother's tea leaves clinging to his skin. The memory of last night pulsed in the space between us raw, breathless, and electric. My body still ached in the best way, skin tingling where he'd touched and kissed me, every nerve alive with the afterglow of his hands on me and the warmth of our tangled limbs. Passion and tenderness had mingled until I couldn’t tell where I ended and he began, leaving me dizzy and sated yet hungry for more. Even now, the air felt charged, as if the night’s heat hadn’t quite faded, woven into the golden light that spilled over us.
After our wedding dance, the world blurred into a stream of congratulations and laughter. The banquet was even more extravagant than the Winter Solstice, but if someone asked me what we ate, I couldn't name a single dish. All I remember is Janus, my husband, standing beside me, and how everything else faded into the background.
Hubby.
It still feels strange to call him my husband. The word sits awkwardly on my tongue, like a secret I’m not sure I’m allowed to say out loud. Maybe I just need time to get used to it. But when he called me his wife, something warm and unfamiliar bloomed inside me. It was like hearing the words I’d always wanted, but never dared to hope for. Honestly, I kept waiting for something to go wrong for me to panic and run, or for his parents to object, or for him to change his mind and leave me standing alone. Now, looking back, it feels almost foolish that I ever doubted him at all.
The way he looked at me last night, so full of love and longing, washed away every worry I’d been carrying. For once, all I felt was certainty, and a foolish thought that maybe, just maybe, this happiness could last forever.
I never thought I could feel this way about anyone, not in this life, and definitely not in the last. Is it really possible to be this happy, even after everything I’ve put him through?
That question had haunted me for so long, circling in my mind without ever finding an answer. But now, lying here, my eyes started to sting, and before I knew it, tears were soaking into the bedsheets. I’d never felt happiness like this before. It was as if every feeling I’d locked away, every wish I’d buried deep, finally broke free all at once. I was a mess, crying, sniffling, unable to stop. The dam inside me had finally burst, and I let loose all the tears I had been holding back during the wedding.
Through the blur of tears, I felt the blanket shift beside me and heard the soft rustle of movement.
“What… Ruby, why are you crying?”
I’d woken Janus, and now he was looking down at me, his face caught somewhere between confusion and worry.
“I-I-I’m j-just… s-so h-happy!” I tried to say, but my voice broke and trembled, each word tangled up with a sob. Tears streamed down my cheeks, and my breath hitched between every syllable. “I c-can’t, I can’t help it, Janus.”
Janus lay back down and pulled me close, my bare upper body pressed against his chest. His hand found its way around me, settling gently over my belly, his thumb tracing slow, soothing circles around my belly button.
“Me too, but that is no reason to cry.”
“I k-know, b-but I j-just… I just c-can’t stop.” My words came out strangled and wet, my lips quivering as I tried to speak through the tears. “I’ve n-never felt like this before.”
Now my tears were soaking into his chest instead of the sheets. Even wrapped in his arms, I couldn’t stop the sobs from coming, everything inside me spilling out at once. We just lay there for a while, him holding me close, his fingers threading softly through my hair, doing his best to comfort me. Then, all at once, something inside me flipped. His lips pressed another gentle kiss to my forehead, and suddenly the sadness broke like a wave, leaving only bright, bubbling joy in its place. A giggle burst out of me, shaky at first, tangled in the last of my tears, but quickly swelling into real laughter. My shoulders shook not with sobs this time, but with the kind of laughter that comes only when you’re so happy you can’t hold it in. The room seemed to fill with sunlight, and for a moment I was breathless, caught between tears and pure, giddy happiness.
*giggle*
“Hehehe, stop it.”
“You don't like it, Wifey?”
There it was again, that word that always made me hold my breath. He’d been so cheerful, so full of smiles, but I knew what I was about to say would turn the tables. Maybe it was my turn to make him cry happy tears, the kind that come when you least expect them. I took a shaky breath, ready to finally say what I’d never dared before.
“I… I love you, Janus.”
End of Book 1 : Alone
Continuing next Thursday in Book 2 : Together