The day after I designed a physical therapy plan with Olivia, I woke up to some bad news. Apparently, the Marquiss had been right; the Ibasans had begun to move. Their army was already at the halfway point of the Crater and would reach the edge of the Fort’s siege weapons range this afternoon. Everyone was making preparations, and the Fortress began to resemble a busy beehive. For everyone, it wasn’t their first siege. Just last year, the Ibasans tested our defenses. They tried to use newly developed siege weapons to break the walls, only to fail miserably. So, everyone knew exactly what there was to do… except for me.
I knew this would happen, but I had hoped I would be long gone before this ever became an issue. I was already imagining the worst scenarios and worried about every little thing. I felt like I was the only one freaking out, and I most likely was. Even the non-combatant maids, the servants, the elderly, and even the children didn’t seem to worry. For them, a siege was like the monsoon season in Southeast Asia. It would happen whether they worried or not, so they just stayed calm and prepared for the inevitable storm to come.
After my little internal crash out, I had a small emergency meeting with Benjamin about what we may need to do for the duration of the siege. We had both taken place in the small classroom section I had carved out in the clinic. I couldn’t really lecture Benjamin on how to handle a siege; the boy had seen more than I hope I will ever see. So, I asked him for advice instead.
“Benni, how have the sieges been in the past?”
“Surprisingly calm, it’s mostly just waiting. But when they finally do attack, I mean, master Roland would get a lot of patients at the same time.”
I was a bit stunned;’ calm’ wouldn’t have been the word I would ever have used. It just shows again that one can get used to everything… eventually.
“And how would you deal with that sudden increase?”
“Well, we would form a triage. A few of the maids would step in as nurses, and we would prioritize the Patients depending on their Injuries.”
“What about the one you couldn’t save?”
That question had gnawed on me quite a bit.
“… Sigh, we would let them die… There was nothing else to do, really. But with you here, there is no way it would be like that again.”
By the way, he was evading the issue that must have happened a lot. Due to cremation being the most common method of burial, there wasn’t a cemetery. Still, I could easily imagine a graveyard that spanned several hills and more. But I had to correct one misconception of his.
“Benni, I’m happy that you believe in me, but I can’t save everyone, you know. I also have a limit. So that’s where I need you.”
“Me but I’m not…”
Benni stared at me with big eyes. He was well aware of his shortcomings, though, compared to most priests, he could already be called a prodigy. I may have worried too much about it growing on his head. But a life and death situation is not the best place to enhance his confidence. Since I could use his mana much more efficiently.
So to shut him up, I put a finger on my mouth and said,
“Shh, Benni, I know you aren’t ready yet. I just want you to give me your mana when I’m about to run dry, okay. And it would be nice if you could handle the night shift. But please wake me if you must. I believe it’s also better if I sleep in the clinic.”
“Ehm, in the clinic?”
Previously, this had been Benjamin’s job. He would handle the more minor cases and would call me if there was something bigger, like the case involving little Teresa.
Preferential treatment, you say? I don’t know what you mean. It’s not my fault; I was assigned a room right next to the other noble’s room. Yep, definitely not my fault.
“Yeah, why not? I could take Master Roland’s room if it’s okay with you.”
I thought he would like me to take a bit of his work, and it made sense for me to be close during a siege. But why was he acting so… sketchy?
“Ehm, it’s totally okay with me, you don’t have to worry, Ah HeHeHe.”
What’s with him? Wait, was he embarrassed about the idea of me sleeping here in a room right next to his? Whatever this is, it’s more important than the feelings of an embarrassed pubescent teenager.
“So now that we are done with accommodations and have a plan on how we will act, there is something I have to tell you.”
Benni tilted his head to the side. He must have believed that’s it, but I still had one bombshell saved up for him.
“?”
“I…You see… Sigh, look, don’t freak out, but there is something I haven’t told you about healing magic yet.”
His Eyes were glued to my lips, eager not to miss even a single word.
“Everyone who can use healing magic can also use death magic.”
“WHAT?!”
He stood up so fast that his chair fell over, but Benjamin didn’t even flinch as the chair clattered to the ground. I had to tell him sooner or later, I just wished he wouldn’t make this much of a fuss about it. Though I admit I should have foreseen it. Death magic is pretty much evil incarnate in this world. While Healing Magic is considered the most holy and pure. It would be like saying that all angels and demons are the same towards an avid Christian.
“You could use it; Master Roland could have used it, even the pope could use it if they tried.”
“You too?”
“Yes, I can use it too. In fact, if you truly want to become a healer who can treat any disease and injury like me, you have to use both healing and death magic. They are one and the same. They are both just the ability to control vitality. It’s just that one can only give while the other can only take vitality. So, only if you master both can you become the best healing mage.”
“But why isn’t giving vitality enough? Why would we need to be like these evil necromancers?”
There it is. The biggest reason why death magic is so despised is that it involves the use of the dead. Every school of magic can be used to kill someone. But they can also be used to create and to make life easier. As for Death magic, it could only kill, and if that wasn’t enough, all Necromancers had to be Death mages. Because of this, just suggesting that someone can use death magic can cause the Inquisition to show up.
“Sadly, vitality isn’t enough. There are a few diseases that would not go away by just using vitality on them. They might even grow more powerful. As for Necromancers, they are using death magic to bind a soul to a foreign body or object. This process slowly corrodes the soul and the body it’s bound to. The reanimated corpse will never reach the same heights as when it was alive. It is a technique only used by those who have forgotten or never knew the value of life.”
“Have you ever…?”
“NO, of course not, who do you take me for? Just because I know how doesn’t mean I ever did it. It’s just that when you get to know death magic long enough, you begin to get a feeling for the soul, and once you have that, it’s pretty easy to work out how to do the rest. I was never taught how to do it. And I will NEVER, NEVER do it.”
I made sure to explain to him that neither had I been taught how to do it (I really wasn’t), but that I had never done it and would never do it.
“Will I have to learn how to do it?”
“I… I don’t know. I don’t think we will get this far in your training.”
“What do you mean you don’t want to teach me anymore?”
Fuck. Now I have really done it. Me and my stupid big mouth.
“No, of course I want to teach you, it’s just… I never planned on staying here forever. In fact, I planned to leave for the capital after the other priest shows up and maybe open a magic school there or work as a healer.”
“What? You want to leave, why? I don’t understand. You want to abandon us? You want to leave me?”
Wait,’ abandon’, ’Leaving me’? Where did that come from? Is this how it looked to others?
And I didn’t expect him to be that upset. Did he like me this much? I mean, whenever I teach him, he is almost glued to me like a duckling, but it has only been a few months. The way he spoke made it feel like we knew each other for years.
“If you leave, there is no way the new priest will be as good as you. Heck, I might even be better. We will have a lot more patients.”
“Benni I…”
“All the old folks have smiles on their faces because their backs don’t ache anymore. There isn’t even a single cripple left in the entire Fortress.”
“Benjamin, please…”
“Ever since you came here, we haven’t lost a single Patient. Not a single one.”
“Benjamin!”
Thankfully, my shout stopped his tirade. But I had unknowingly begun to cry again. I put my hands on his shoulders and locked eyes with him.
“I know, I know all these things, okay. And I wouldn’t leave if I didn’t have to. Just believe me, I must leave.”
Benjamin still rattled and waited for a few seconds before asking,
“Is it because of him, the new priest?”
“Not him specifically. More like the church in general.”
“But why? I don’t understand it. They would love you to join; they are always looking for powerful healers. You could become a cardinal, maybe even the pope.”
“Remember what I have told you about death magic. Now think about it, if I know all that, then they would know it too, right? The only conclusion I came to was that they fear death magic because of necromancers so much that they would rather give up on a few patients than risk it. Being powerful myself is just more fuel to the fire. I would disturb all their politics. They wouldn’t let me rise; they may even try to get rid of me or people close to me, you understand. I’m not leaving because I want to, but because it is the only choice I have to keep the people I have grown to care about safe.”
“I don’t just want to leave it all to fate. So far, I have just taken life as it came to me. But I can’t do that anymore. I have to take responsibility since I’m no longer alone.”
“What do you mean, no longer alone?”
And now came the biggest bombshell. And before any of you ask, yes, there is no other way. He would have found out about it anyway, the very first time when he would have given me his mana. And I wanted to avoid any stupid arguments that might arise from keeping this secret in a life-and-death situation. Not like some of the main characters in the novels and manga I have read before I died.
“Benni, … I’m Pregnant.”