It's the day before our departure to the capital. I'm in the nursery, sitting in a rocking chair, and careful not to make a sound while reading the Sun and Moon scrolls. These are also known as the Holy Scrolls or Celestial Scripture. Otto gave me a rough overview of the gods and the Armentis religion, but since my dream, I felt a need to further educate myself. Overall, it wasn't too dissimilar to other holy books like the Bible and the Koran. It had rules and customs for its believers, intertwined with myths and stories. It was quite an enjoyable read, but it still had a few tidbits that made me frown.
The Armentis Faith likes to pretend it treats men and women equally, but the stories always seem to give the important parts to men. Only men are ever allowed more than one partner, and when their love affairs come out, the world just shrugs and moves on.
And for all its talk of love, the scrolls only ever celebrate the straight couples; anything else is ignored or quietly pushed aside, painted as something to be ashamed of.
I suppose that's nothing new. Most religions, here or back home, do the same or worse. Still, even knowing Lunae and Solis are real, I can't see myself ever truly belonging to their faith in its current state.
Since I met the first God, the primordial in God's realm, I've known that most gods do exist as long as enough people believe in them. Meaning that a god being real shouldn't be enough of a reason to follow them, at least not for me. If I ever fall on my knees in prayer, it's either to someone I truly support or I'm just pretending.
Back in the quiet nursery, I was just turning the last page when the door creaked open, and Emma slipped inside. It was our time to trade places. I could have left everything to her, and no one would have batted an eye, but Emma has her own life, her husband, her friends, all waiting for her. So we take turns, every other day, sharing the weight. Besides, I also want to raise my kids well, and I couldn't do that by just being around for the easy times.
I rose quietly as she tiptoed over, both of us careful not to break the spell of sleeping children. I meant to just swap seats, but the look on her face nearly made me burst out laughing.
She looked like she was about to lose it, biting her finger to keep from laughing. I shot her a questioning look, but she just pointed at the door, eyes sparkling with mischief.
Peeking out, I spotted Rika fidgeting in the hallway, twisting her hands and shuffling her feet like she wanted to disappear.
“Ruby I…”
But she didn't get any further. I clapped a hand over her mouth and gently pulled her away, closing the door behind us as quietly as I could. We slipped past rooms that felt too close for comfort, past the ones where people might overhear, until we reached a forgotten little room at the top of a tower. Our only witness was a red spider, busy wrapping up a black insect in its web.
Rika had remained completely silent throughout.
“Good, now we can talk.”
“Isn't that a bit excessive?”
“It took me a long time to put them all to sleep at the same time, and I'm not giving that up,” I replied, keeping my voice low.
I waited for Rika to speak, but the silence just grew heavier, pressing in until I couldn't stand it anymore. So instead of tiptoeing around, I went straight for the hornet's nest.
“I know this must be awkward, but I already know you had a crush on Janus.”
“What!? W-what? Did he tell you?”
“Well, yes, and he told me that you once had a crush on him.”
“That's it?”
“And that you really don't want to go back to the capital, though he never said why.”
“I guess that's true…”
Rika went quiet, chewing over my words for a while before finally looking up, hesitation w
ritten all over her face.
"Do you hate me?”
“Hate you? Why? Am I supposed to hate you for having good taste? Besides, this happened more than a decade ago. If you really still wanted him, you wouldn't have pushed me so hard,” I said.
Rika smiled crookedly when I said “good taste,” but unbeknownst to me, a short flicker of doubt crossed her heart as I finished my sentence.
“But I am still mad at you for not saying anything sooner. Don't do that again. And no more nagging either. You are my friend and not my mother,” I scolded, offering a playful glare.
“I'm sorry, I won't do it again.” (Rika lied as naturally as she breathed)
“Good. So……………. can you tell me now what happened in the capital when you were fourteen?” I pressed gently.
Rika frowned, like I'd just asked her to swallow a bug, and asked,
“Do I have to?”
“Of course! I can't risk being friendly with someone who bullied you. You have to tell me, I mean it.”
“Now you finally start to sound like a noble hehehe.”
Rika's laughter faded. She let out a long breath, turned away, and leaned on the windowsill, staring out at the passing clouds in the east.
“I thought they were my friends too. I told them that I liked Janus as part of a dare. I don't even remember. And naively, I thought they would keep that secret safe. Instead, they told him straight to his face a few days later. They said the 'Troll-kin wanted to mate with you in her cave.' ”
“Troll-kin?”
I stared at her, stunned. It wasn't the cruelty that surprised me; I'm more than familiar with that, but that anyone could call Rika a troll. In Otto's monster book, trolls are huge, ugly, and covered in warts. Rika might be tall and strong, maybe a little brash, but her skin is flawless, her eyes are kind, and she's more beautiful than any troll could ever dream of being.
“It was a nasty nickname my father's rivals made up. They'd call him anything to hide their own failures, and their kids just passed it on to me. I never realized it was about me, though. Until that day. Before then, I always thought they meant someone else—or at least, that's what they told me.”
“A couple of days before, they told me to hide in this cave we all used to sneak into. I didn't think much of it. They said they'd be right back with something, but I didn't know 'something' meant Janus. I didn't want him to catch me playing some silly little kids' game, so I hid.”
“I couldn't hear what they said to him, but later, I found out they'd tricked Janus into coming by telling him I'd gotten lost in the cave, and that he shouldn't tell any adults or my father would be furious. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I'd just come out, but I stayed hidden.”
“What happened then?”
“He went into the cave, and I, who didnt know who he was looking for, went deeper into the cave until I heard a loud rumbling, and then everything went dark. I got scared and wanted to go back and look for Janus, but I lost my way. Eventually, a search party led by my father found me two days later.”
“And Janus, what happened to him?”
Janus was fine. He got out the same day. Turns out, one of the kids could use a bit of earth magic and caused the cave-in on purpose, blocking the entrance with rocks. The funny thing is, his own father was an earth mage and had to use magic to clean up his son's mess, so Janus was free before nightfall.
“What happened to the kids who did it?”
“They got off with a slap on the wrist. The adults said something along the lines of it being our own fault and that we shouldn't have been there to begin with. Though the one who caused the collapse was put under house arrest by his father for a year to keep face.”
"A year? For attempted murder?" I blurted, incredulous.
“And then?”
I asked, still not able to fully comprehend some people's parenting methods.
“Nothing, I never went back to the capital again, end of story.”