Range - Chapter 34

   Merry had gotten over her "wildlife overload" her first week here when her and Panic had come here for fun, not to hide out like now. The first couple days, she would gawk at the small herds of deer around if there was no commotion. City people see mainly pigeons and mice and rats, and whatever other animals that managed to carve an ecological niche out of the city. A handful of hardy mutt dogs and cats rounded out the city safari. The only exotic beasts in the typical big city were the possums or raccoon's; a park might have a few die hard squirrels.

   Merry was one of the other animals that had carved her own niche out of the city, and Panic was one of the exotic animals in her city; a decent honest man in her city had seemed to her something akin to the last passenger pigeon.

   One morning that now long gone carefree week, she had gotten up unexpectedly early, and got some coffee she reheated from the night before. She then sat and watched a fairly large group of rabbits a ways off. A couple of deer had joined the field rabbits, and they all grazed on the various grasses.

   When Panic woke up and she wasn't beside him, he had softly stolen outside their cabin door to sit next to her and join her little animal over-watch. The rabbits didn't notice at all, and a couple of the deer did little more than look over temporarily, before they disregarded the two of them and went back to what they were intent on, munching certain blades of the tall grass they seemed to choose carefully.

   The beauty and peaceful serenity of it all had seemed rather poignant to her. The morning bird-songs didn't annoy her. This contrasted so sharply with her morning experiences in the city, that it was somehow hard to believe it was real. At the time she had thought little of it other than noticing the beauty… but now? That carefree week was gone, and they were here again. They were a little subgroup of the bigger group, sitting around the community campfire having lunch.

   Panic amused her with his tales of the infamous Pennsylvania "capitol squirrels". Apparently, Pennsylvania's seat of state government, Harrisburg… was a small city that had a large race of squirrels. They were "protected" to hell and back officially, which was an overlay of protection on top of the fact that most city people were either not willing or not able to kill animals.

   Opinions were mixed. It was indeed cute to feed them, and they were highly industrious and entertaining, it was true. They also qualified as an infestation, there were so many of them and got into so many structures. You could easily spend a half a million dollars on a half decent city townhouse, thinking you had really arrived in life… until you came downstairs the first morning to find a pack of squirrels had the run of your kitchen, and had chewed your box of breakfast cereal open and were feasting on your kitchen counter.

   Apparently, the image of a rich city politician's wife screaming and running back upstairs every morning, combined hilariously with the lawmaker running around trying to smack them with a frying pan to largely no effect? Amused everyone. With their high numbers, combined with their official protected status? The squirrels were, more or less… "winning" the protracted "battle".

   There were so many of them it was ridiculous, he assured her. They were so used to being near people, that they were bold and fearless about it. There was even a dark side to the squirrels. Buildings burned down from the squirrels chewing insulation on electrical wires. The squirrels were actually capable of killing humans that invaded "their" domain.

   When Merry asked how he had dealt with the Harrisburg squirrels, everyone chuckled. Panic said "no comment". Merry asked again, and once again Panic said "no comment". Everyone started laughing. Finally, they got him to admit it. Box traps and an adult air rifle with a suppressor. Apparently, to avoid legal entanglements? He had to lure them into an open window with a trail of food, then dispatched them from across the room, hiding under blankets in the corner.

   When asked if he ever had an oopsie with the air rifle indoors? He giggled. His procedure, was to have the bait food right in front of a thick wood "pellet trap". They came in through the window to feed, then ate right in front of his practice target.

   One of the boys prompted Merry to ask what he did with the dead squirrels.

   "Freezer, hun. I called it indoor squirrel season. I ate more squirrel stew than any country boy that hunts the fucking things!"

   Which predictably, produced chuckles.

   Panic enjoyed an elk burger. Merry already knew how he took his burgers from waiting on him previously at her steakhouse… ketchup, cheese, salt. Then he enjoyed another. Finally, he gorged himself on a couple of the small, thick and plentiful elk steaks. Again, ketchup and salt. Merry sniffed her burger at first, because she wasn't entirely used to having game meat right and left all the time. The boys and Panic included, watched her actions with detached interest. She eyed them all watching her when she realized she was under observation, then took a small tentative bite. She shrugged and dove in.

   Panic got teased more for his ketchup on his steak plate than Merry did for sniffing her new food like it might be poisonous.

   Everyone giggled. It wasn't the first time most or even all of them hadn't won someone over that game meat was good eating. When she wanted to know where she could buy this stuff? Everyone laughed. Panic explained it.

   "Here in this state? Everyone knows about deer. What a lot of people on the left side of the state don't realize, is that on the right side of the state? There's a couple areas where elk herds run. In particular… a place called… Elk County. Go figure, where the name came from. Instead of seeing a small herd of deer out the back door? It's an even bigger herd of elk."

   Everyone explained you can't buy it, you have to hunt it. Merry asked Panic if he hunted these things, and some of the boys snickered. Panic did as well, and explained he was a lot more of a target shooter, than a hunter. He did hunt, just it wasn't his main thing. When he did hunt? He was a lot more prone to post up somewhere and take a long shot. He explained he was a good target shooter, but, many of these guys were better at practical hunting.

   Everyone had a good laugh at Panic, when Merry idly suggested he get better at it. When he asked why, she explained smiling between mouthfuls of elk steak.

   "For one thing, I'm not a waitress anymore. For another thing? You had to give up your job to work your case with Speedy. I like this shit…"

   "Do you like lean pork steaks?"

   "I like pork chops. My cook? Sneaks us BBQ chops sometimes, on the night shift."

   "I thought the chops were red banded for inventory…"

   Merry smiled and wiped juice off her face on her sleeve like a lot of the guys were doing.

   "It is. Sometimes? The inventory is off by a couple of chops. It happens."

   Everyone laughed.

   "Don't worry hun. You don't have to massage the inventory out here to have pork steaks."

   "Well… what's the difference between a pork chop and a pork steak?"

   The guys chuckled as she burped and kept eating.

   Panic used his hands to make a space inside them…

   "This, is a pork chop…"

   Then, he widened his hands out to a large size…

   "Now this? Is a pork steak. It's a chop, with everything else still on it. It's the easiest way to butcher the pig, dear."

   "Okay. How much does a pig cost?"

   Everyone laughed heartily.

   "The boys you see going out with night vision all night? It's not just for fun and games. They're taking wild pigs. This place is over run with the damn things. They eat the farmers out of house and home, we like to eat the wild pigs. Problem solved."

   "We already have some?"

   "No dear… we don't have some… we have a shitload."

   Rob piped up…

   "Actually? we're running out of space for the pig meat. We're getting Picklehead to come up, to see to that problem."

   "What problem?"

   "You ever notice how many freezers George has, and only so many of them run good?"

   "Yeah. He bought a bunch at an auction, for the ones that work good…"

   "Right. What's Pickle's job, Panic…"

   "Oh. HVAC. Gotcha. He's gonna fix one of them."

   "Well. You know Picklehead. He said he can probably fix all of them. We emailed him pictures and model numbers and all that shit. He said he can probably do all of them."

   "You know, I've been meaning to ask. I kinda noticed, we have electric everywhere. What the hell?"

   Skykid smiled and raised his hand…

   "Guilty…"

   "I almost forgot, you're a master electrician…"

   "Yeah. Been on vending machine cabinets for a while now for work, but… main feed lines? Never change much."

   Panic nodded his head.

   "Uh, Sky? Aren't we going to throw George's electric bill into the stratosphere?"

   Skykid smiled guiltily.

   "Maybe not as much as you think…"

   "Huh?"

   Skykid drew in the dirt with a stick he picked up…

   The main line is over here, running this way… here's George's house… here's George's barn… Now, here's the meter on the barn… and here? Is the meter on the house. So… here's the tap in points for all the outbuildings…"

   "That's all… before the barn and house meters…"

   Skykid smiled. Did a neat little bow a couple times to the men surrounding him.

   "Well, where the fuck is the electric line at? I never see it walking around…"

   "You won't. It's all underground utilities in the whole town. I located some blueprints at the city building. The Chief knew where the office was. The volunteer fire department likes to know where things like gas lines and electrical mains are buried…"

   "You got the chief to help you get free electric?"

   Skykid smiled more broadly than ever.

   "Perish the thought. No. We were moving so much dirt around, we just had to be safe and avoid the main feed line to the house and the spur to the barn…"

   "…and, that told you where you can tap in at…"

   Another polite round of bows and applause.

   "You never noticed you have a 200 amp breaker in every shed and outbuilding and shooting pavilion?"

   "Now that you mention it, I saw outlets but no breaker panels…"

   Skykid laughed, in between munching on an elk steak.

   "So? Enjoy it. We can run electric heaters and AC units if we want to. Picklehead? Is bringing up a couple AC units he went over. Remember, he's got his own HVAC company, right? He's up to his ass in old air conditioners… old baseboard electric heaters…"

   "So… the hell are all the dry laid stone fireplaces for then, like we even need them."

   Skykid laughed.

   "Rob's idea. Rob's work. He's the mason. When people look around, and see the little wood burners and rough stone fireplaces with metal chimneys? They won't think twice about looking for electric."

   "And, everything's done underground, so…"

   "Right. Mother nature will grow right over it all, and no one will be the wiser."

   "Won't anyone get suspicious when the electric bill drops?"

   "That? Is where regular people fuck it up. The house and barn electrical will be the same as always. Having cabins and outbuildings around? Is normal up here. It's just any new electricity? Will be… gratis. I'll show George the new outlets in his barn, and, his house is still on the meter. Everything will look normal, as far as the electric bill is concerned…"

   "Which, explains the solar night lights everywhere…"

   "Right. More camouflage if anyone looks around. You never noticed, that all the outlets are hard to see?"

   "Yeah… and where are the 200 amp main panels?"

   Skykid smiled again.

   "Underground. Picklehead and Rob 'donated' some commercial plastic service boxes. All the electrical? Is commercial sized, and it's only carrying a fraction of what it could carry. It'll last until after we're all dead."

   "Okay, let me guess where the feed lines came from…"

   Skykid wiggled his eyebrows…

   "You didn't…"

   "No, I didn't steal it. Remember, I'm a master electrician. I know journeymen all over the place, I've been all over on side jobs."

   "Okay…"

   "Well? The big lines, that come off the main feed lines? The spurs? If there's any fault found, when they're inspected for resistance. Once in a while, one doesn't make the grade on a big scale rate job."

   "That sounds safe…"

   "It's fine. They fail the test for big gigantic jobs. Carrying a thousand amps to a big store? They're just fine for our use. Hell, we ain't carrying anything remotely close to that. Once they get failed? I picked them up for scrap price on the copper."

   "Spot price on copper isn't cheap…"

   "Mikey out west? Donated it. He vacations in Europe a couple months a year. He wanted to pitch in."

   "Multiple 200 amp panels, Sky… don't they add up?"

   "Sure. Do your math right though, Panic… a thousand amp line? Feeding a 200 amp panel? I have tables. Tables that relate length and gauge of wire, to proper resistance readings, end to end. I'm not guessing here, I know the smallest diameter of those wires. I have 200 amp panels, fed by 600 to 800 amp lines."

   "I guess if you trust your math…"

   "Oh, I do trust it, but… I tested them. I put a 500 amp load on the ends of the feed lines. For an hour straight. The temperature of the feed lines never went up at all."

   "Where in the hell did you find a 500 amp device?"

   Skykid laughed.

   "Giant commercial resistor. Watts always equals voltage times amperage, at least in our universe. Current, voltage, and resistance have their own EIR formula. Like I said, if they can take 500 amps for an hour? 200 amps night and day won't touch them."

   "How in the hell did you work on the main underground lines? Or, don't I wanna know that…"

   "I already had blueprints where all the lines are. I double checked all of them, and put little flags in walking around with a metal detector. I had all my ditches dug out with a ditch witch, everything was ready to go… I only had to cut the main feed line for a wee little bit, while I worked the two main connections. I did that at 4 in the morning, on a Tuesday. I just cut the main spur to George's property off, as if I was working on his property. I just… neglected to hang my name on my work, naturally… I left the last guys tag on everything."

   Someone toasted, from the back of the little lunch crowd…

   "To Sky!"

   And everyone clapped and hooted.

   "Thank you, boys. All the comforts of home, when we're done."

   "What? No water lines?"

   Rob piped up…

   "That's scheduled for the spring! George has a well for all his water… we're gonna put a few shallow water wells in here and there, and run a small pump line from the creek for gray water. Won't cost anything to run a pump. Next year? You'll be able to put a washing machine and a dishwasher and a bath house in… whatever."

   "Christ almighty, we're gonna have the best long range in the state…"

   Skykid and Rob agreed on it…

   "RLB? Doesn't fly coach!"

   "We fly first class? Or we don't fly…"

   Everyone hooted and applauded.

   Panic winked at Merry on the sly…

   "Almost forgot about it, guys. Merry and me? We have a couple of guests coming in. Might get here tonight or early tomorrow."

   Everyone looked around at each other…

   "So?"

   "They're not members. Probably be a couple big guys, on big, loud bikes. Whoever is working the watch? Just… bring them to us. Now… they're VIPs, and its important. Just… get them to us, and let us deal with them."

   "What's the big deal here?"

   "I… I don't know. If they just go by nicknames? Whatever. Don't bug them about it. If they don't wanna tell you where they live or come from? Don't bug them about it. I just want everyone to smile and be friendly, and… don't worry about anything. Before you ask? Yes, its important. Me and Merry? We'll probably be leaving with them and get brought back later. Once again? It's not important exactly where we're going. Okay?"

   No one had any problems with the general plan. Panic emphasized, that on the off chance they stayed overnight? Treat them nice and polite, no matter what. Someone asked if this was "secret Speedy shit", and Panic smiled and nodded, and admitted that it more or less was.

   Someone asked if they were to stay away from them, and not talk to them much. Panic just him hawed around it, and said it was a one time thing, he just wanted this to pass without any incidents. Everyone more or less just shrugged, and went back to eating and joshing each other, like normal.

   Panic was reminded of an earlier phrase that had come out of his mouth. That when you are in the right place at the right time, doing the right thing… success more or less happens all by itself. It was looking to his point of view, as if things were back in sync.

   Then, he moved his left shoulder around. Teasing the big slow circle he made with his shoulder moving his arm, exploring for stiffness and pain. He had to move it a hair more and a hair further then the last time he checked to find it, but, there it was. Ouch. Better than last time he checked though. That was something, anyways.

   If getting shot and almost killed in his sleep was success, he wondered what failure was like. Then, he glanced over at Merry. She was finished up with her meal. Licked her thumb and forefinger before wiping her hands on her old T shirt. She visually fit right in, with her long sleeve T shirt he had given her, and her worn comfortable jeans on. A ball cap from a long range shooting range RLB had once visited had been plopped on her head and she kept it.

   The only thing that betrayed she was a girly girl when she wanted to be, was the over the knee lace up moccasins she had on over her jean legs tucked in. She was a younger female version of George in many ways. She could just blend in almost anywhere it seemed. The same guy she had tased the other night, was handing her another cup of coffee.

   She caught him idly studying her from afar. She made a mock serious face for his benefit, then stuck her tongue out and blew a short raspberries at him. Smiled and went back to the conversation around her.

   Rob was suddenly standing behind Panic.

   "Hey Rob…"

   "Panic… wanted to ask you something…"

   "And ?"

   Rob dropped what at first appeared to be a 45 in Panic's lap, but it quickly proved to not be. It was an old metal replica of one. A toy BB-gun. "Cocking" the 45 then shoving the "slide" back in forcefully… readied it to deliver a copper plated steel BB at all of a couple hundred feet per second. A child's toy. It was a handheld 45 auto version of the infamous Red Ryder BB-gun most of them had grown up shooting, as far as power went.

   "Aw… man… Rob! This brings back memories…"

   "You had one as a kid, huh?"

   Panic laughed.

   "No. I didn't. When I was maybe 10? I wanted one of these in the worst way… this is the one that shoots the darts, too, isn't it?"

   Rob put a handful of the darts in his hand…

   "Wow. They do say, it's never too late to have a happy childhood…"

   "Well, you can play with it, but…"

   "But what?"

   "It's for Merry, you chimp. She ought to learn how to shoot. Don't you think?"

   "Rob… don't drill her, on 'German perfection', okay? I want her to learn to shoot like a little kid. By having fun…"

   "No shit, Sherlock… we all wanna make sure she's safe with a gun. I was wondering what rules to make about it."

   "Well? I want fucking trigger control. I want her finger down the side of the gun, until she's ready to shoot. And… I don't want her walking the 'toy' past everyone's face…"

   "And, the shooting itself?"

   "Like I said, no drills… just… hitting beer cans. Like a little kid having fun…"

   "Sight picture ?"

   "Ah. Let her piss around like a kid. I'll gently explain how to aim the fucking thing, after she's hooked on having fun."

   Rob dropped a small pint carton of copper plated BB's into his lap…

   "Well? Go on and give it to her then…"

   "It's your gift. You give it to her. Just remember, no drilling her. I want it to be fun, not work…"

   "Okay. You keep the darts until she won't lose them. Fucking darts are worth more than the gun itself. Darts been off the market for over twenty years now."

   Rob added another drop off into his lap over the shoulder as well, and went off. A little blister packet that was for "cleaning" her "gun". So she could learn to oil it and wipe it off every night, and "clean" the barrel.

   Panic turned his head to thank Rob? He was already gone.