Range - Chapter 35

   After the elk lunch, Panic had walked Merry back to their own personal cabin and camp. He told her he had a present for her.

   "Honey? You know I'm not big on guys buying me stuff. You know why, too."

   "I know. I'm honored you let me buy you pizza and donuts and coffee now. Soon? My master plan, to enslave you with my vast wealth, will be complete…"

   "Smart ass."

   Panic chuckled at her, which obviously irritated her. She wasn't mad but she was getting slightly irked.

   "Okay. I'm done teasing you. Question?"

   "Go on…"

   "What if, the gift? Wasn't from me."

   Merry now saw he was definitely playing with her, and having fun doing it.

   "Hmm. Do you really think I should be accepting gifts from other men?"

   "Well… I think, just this time? It'll be okay. The guy's… trustworthy. Guess which one."

   "Hmm. The guy I zapped?"

   Panic shook his head no.

   "Do I get clues? Or… do I have to guess through the boys one by one."

   "You already got your clue."

   "Hmm. Am I going to look stupid because I have to ask what the clue was?"

   "The clue was… when I said the guy was trustworthy…"

   "Oh! Little Robbie?"

   Panic nodded.

   "Well?"

   "Well what?"

   "Do I get my gift ?!?!"

   Panic ran around with the paper bag with everything in it, like a little kid playing "keep away" with his kid sister. Merry was more than tall enough his own 6'1" frame couldn't simply hold it up over her head and make her jump and keep yanking it out of her reach. He had to resort to keeping the paper bag in tight to his body, like a football or a basketball, and whirling his body to keep her from it.

   "Okay, okay… stop. I don't want us to rip the bag and spill everything!"

   He finally had Merry smiling like a little kid on Christmas morning. He handed the paper bag to her, and she slowly unrolled it and looked down in. Peeking at the contents.

   "What the---"

   "I was gonna say 'Merry Christmas'… but…"

   "Funny."

   Merry's hand dove slowly into the bag, and she started to pull the BB-gun out. Panic softly stopped her by putting his own hand over her wrist. She furrowed her brow at him.

   "Let me show you how to handle it. Then you can play with it. Okay?"

   "Is that real? I don't know how to---"

   "It's a BB-gun. We can't just toss you a hand cannon and a box of ammo and tell you to go have fun with it. You have to learn how to handle it properly."

   "Okay."

   "There's just a couple rules. Rule number one. You never, point the gun at anything, that you don't intend to shoot. I don't care if it only shoots rubber bands, you point it at the ground if you're handling it and you're not shooting it."

   "Okay. Is there a rule number two?"

   "Yes… you always put your trigger finger down the side of the gun… like this… until you're ready to shoot. Pretty sure you've noticed the funny way all the guys carry handguns on the range, right?"

   "Yeah…"

   "It's a safety thing. Remember… you only point it at a target, and you keep your finger off the trigger until you're ready to fire. That's gun safety, and trigger control."

   Panic walked around while talking to her, letting her see how he handled it. Finger down the side. Pointed down at the ground in a highly exaggerated fashion. Then he handed it to her…

   "Here. We'll play with it here a little bit, so I can make sure you won't embarrass me."

   Merry took it, and moved it around in her hand. When she flipped it over to look at it laying in her palm? Panic surprised her by stepping deftly to the side, and grabbing her wrist. His speech was sugary sweet and extra soft, but firm.

   "You just pointed the gun at my chest. Do not, walk a gun past me like that again."

   "Okay, sorry… I point it at the ground, like this---"

   "Finger off the trigger…"

   "Right. I feel silly."

   "Yeah. It'll feel silly until you get used to it. Look. I'm not saying anything, I'm not accusing… I'm just throwing it out there, you might have been around guns before, and… some people treat them like toys. You? Don't do that."

   "How do you… aim at what you want to… shoot at…"

   "We'll worry about that later. That's not important… what is very important? Always point it in a safe direction until you're ready to shoot. Finger off the trigger until you're ready to shoot. You do those two things, without fail? We'll let you shoot real guns. But… you have to remember those two things. I know this seems silly, but…"

   "No. It's fine. Anything else?"

   "Do you love Bitty Kitty?"

   "Yes…"

   "Then? Don't ever play 'cowboys and Indians', pointing the gun at him, fooling around. Look. I know guys that are as safe as anything? Accidents happen. After years of safe gun handling? Something can happen. They're like car accidents. But… if you never point a gun at anything you're not going to shoot at? It's like a fender bender in the parking lot… embarrassing, but, not really a big deal."

   "Hmm. You ever have an… accident?"

   Panic sighed, slow and long. His voice got soft. Apologetic. Almost… embarrassed…

   "Yeah. It's called an AD. Accidental Discharge. Just about everyone has a story of one. If they claim they never had one? Probably lying. Lotta guys won't admit to them. I think… it's important to talk about it, so… yeah. I had one."

   "How?"

   "I was alone. At my house. I… was around a guy that twirled his guns. You know, like cowboys in the movies?"

   "Yeah…"

   "Well? When I was alone, I would practice twirling. Everyone told me to practice twirling with the revolver unloaded. When you start learning it? You drop the gun a lot, so, I was practicing on my bed. Kneeling… that way, when I did drop it? The gun wouldn't get scratched up, I wouldn't break a coffee cup dropping the gun on it…"

   "Go on…"

   "Okay… so, after a couple drops, I only practiced twirling on the bed. I was actually getting pretty good at it. I started showing a few friends how I was getting started being able to do it. Then? I noticed that with the revolver loaded, it twirled differently. Just a little bit. Weight difference. Balanced a wee bit funny loaded, so…"

   "You started twirling practice on yer bed, with the gun loaded…"

   "Yeah…"

   "What happened?"

   "I was doing great, and… my fucking thumb grazed the hammer, and cocked the gun just enough the hammer clacked down on a live round, and… BANG!"

   "You shoot yourself?"

   Panic laughed…

   "I damned near shot my fucking pinky toe off. Couldn't have missed it by more than a fucking inch or two. I was kneeling on the bed, remember?"

   "Big gun?"

   "No. Fucking 22. It looks like a big cowboy movie hog leg. Long barrel. Just a 22 though, so it's cheap to shoot…"

   "What happened?"

   "Well, my ears are ringing from a shot indoors. I'm embarrassed more than anything. That little 22 short round? Even smaller and less powerful than a regular 22. And a 22 is considered a mouse gun. Smaller than that. Went through the covers. Through the mattress. Through the box springs. Through the solid wood floor. I went into the basement to see, and it almost went thru a cross brace under the floor. If it hadn't hit that cross brace? It would have went right through and hit the basement floor…"

   "Well, nothing happened…"

   "Really? My Bitty Kitty, is named Mister Fuzzy… what if Mister Fuzzy had been chasing mice in the basement? I could have killed my best friend."

   "So, it's not safe to learn to twirl then…"

   "Well, it is safe. If… you use what they call snap caps. Blank rounds that can't fire. They're made for dry fire practice. You can buy special weighted ones, for twirling. So? I bought some."

   "Do… you want me to not tell this story to the boys, around the campfire? I don't wanna get you made fun of by your boyfriends."

   Panic smiled.

   "No. Go right ahead. If you wanna really hear some funny, but… scary stories? Get Speedy talking about it when he's in a good mood around the campfire. He can tell you about state police that have accidentally cracked rounds off in the barracks."

   "You're a… gun lover. You're making guns sound dangerous… I mean, if the state police can't be trusted in their own office building… how do you expect me to---"

   "Look. Driving a fucking car is dangerous, isn't it?"

   "Well yeah, but that's different---"

   "No, it isn't different. How many accidents, or, fender benders have you ever seen, or, even been in one before?"

   "A couple…"

   "Right. Now… how many accidental shootings have you ever seen? Not heard of, actually seen."

   "Well, none."

   "Do you close your eyes when you're driving? Do you hand a five year old the keys and tell them to have fun?"

   "No…"

   "Of course not. Do you like to ride in the car with a brand new driver that just got their license?"

   "Not really…"

   "See? Same thing. Now… you don't mind me driving, do you?"

   "No."

   "It's the same thing. Think of it, like I'm teaching you to drive. Then? No one will mind you getting behind the wheel."

   "If you say so…"

   "I do. Now? Let's have some fun. Just don't point the car at me, and keep your finger off the gas pedal until you're ready to go. Okay?"

   "All right…"

   Merry pointed the gun at a tree stump someone had cleared out making the cabin. Lowered it. Smiled and remembered to take her finger back off the trigger.

   "Great. Let me show you how to work that thing… just make sure to point it at the ground when you hand it to me…"

   She did. He opened a little slide cover on the side, after shaking it and hearing nothing. Poured a stream of little copper plated BB's down and clapped the flap shut.

   "You have to cock it. Like this."

   He pulled the slide back until it made a loud clack. Then he shoved it back home.

   "Here. Just point it at the stump."

   Merry pointed it at the stump. Put her finger into the guard and pulled back on the trigger, and… nothing.

   Panic smiled, and showed her the safety. Flicked it off.

   "When you see red? Safety's off. Go on…"

   This time, the gun made a soft pop, and there was a slight sound from the side of the wooden stump getting whacked.

   "Go on. You have to cock it every time. Hit the stump a few times."

   Merry quickly got used to working the slide, and forcibly ramming it home. She made a "whoop dee do" face at hitting the side of the stump. Shrugged.

   "Good. You know how it works. I just happen to have a few empty pop cans handy here…"

   He put a couple of empty soda pop cans on the stump, and had her shoot at them. She finally managed to hit one, more or less on accident by pointing in the general direction of the cans that weren't more than ten feet away.

   "Gee. I don't think I could hit Bitty Kitty with this thing, if I even wanted to…"

   "Are you interested in how to aim it?"

   "No, I just wanna hear the noise all day."

   Panic had her set the gun down on the stump, pointed away from them, and started an easy description of how notched sights worked. He had a V shape to fingers held close to his face, and his index finger up further out with his arm extended, and explained how you put the front sight into the V. Then, he drew a V in the dirt with a stick, and drew the blade in it… and made a little circle at the top.

   "You just put the blade flat in the V… and bang. You just have to hold it steady."

   Merry had more success at hitting a few cans. She finally told him to do it. Panic was able to knock every can over, but he pointed out they were only a couple feet away.

   "Show off…"

   "Come on. I've been doing this for almost twenty years. You haven't been trying it for twenty seconds. Practice makes perfect."

   "How many cans do I have to hit in a row before you wanna show me off to your boyfriends up at the campfire?"

   "Honey? I don't care if you miss every can you shoot at. Just keep the gun pointed in a safe direction, an---"

   "…and keep my finger off the trigger."

   "And? That, is all I really care about."

   "Where you going?"

   "I'm gonna get you a holster. As cute as you'll look with that thing stuck in your waistband, you might as well have a holster when you're playing with it, you know. Go on, have fun. I'll be back in a little bit…"

   "You sure?"

   "Yeah. Just don't shoot yourself. Or the cat. Or my laptop. Or my car."

   Merry smiled at him mischievously…

   "What happens if I do it anyways. Do I get spanked?"

   "Hmm. As amusing as that would be? I'm pretty sure threatening to spank you, would just encourage you to do it. You would lose your gun privileges. Might even get grounded…"

   "Ha. There's no lock on our cabin door. You can't ground me."

   "There's at least four cops up at the camp. You act like I can't scare up a pair of handcuffs."

   "You know, if you tossed in 'used like a cheap hooker', after handcuffs and spanking? It could be a fun night. Just saying."

   Panic moved his shoulder around to test it again, it was getting to be practically a nervous tic until it was fully healed and he got full range of motion back without pain.

   "Yeah. Well. You show me you can handle the gun safely? We'll see what we can do. I thought you liked to play cowboys and Indians, anyways."

   Merry laughed.

   "Cops and robbers is a fun game too, honey."

   "I thought you hated cops…"

   "I don't like cops. Never said anything about handcuffs…"

   "Just have fun, and remember to keep your mind on what you're doing. I'll show you off later, if you look safe."

   He was walking away, when he heard her squeal like a little kid after he heard the TINK! of an empty can go rattling over.

   Panic walked back up to the clubhouse, and had a seat. Skykid was fussing around his big "camp kitchen", and bullshitted with Panic for a while. Panic helped him clean a few pots and pans.

   "So. How's Merry enjoying her new toy?"

   "Rob told you."

   "Of course Robbie told me. Remember… we don't have a bartender out here, so… the cook knows everything."

   "Ah. She hasn't shot me in the ass yet with a dart, so… pretty good I guess."

   "She having any fun with it?"

   "She's shooting empty pop cans with it, as we speak."

   "So… you basically just came up to brag."

   "Eh. I admit, I was worried about it for a while there, you know? When we were up here for a week last time, I couldn't get a gun in her hand. All she wanted to do, was watch the animals."

   "Now if you can just get her to shoot the animals. You'll be batting 1000, eh?"

   "Well… I'm not doing bad with her, I don't think. I got her eating the animals. I'm starting to get her shooting guns. I honestly don't know what the hell she'd think about killing something. I'd honestly be happy just getting her shooting paper. I don't wanna push my luck."

   "Aw, what cute city girl wouldn't think it was a fun date, to blow something to smithereens, then roast the heart over a fire, while you butcher the carcass."

   "You wife, Judy… she doesn't shoot or hunt, does she?"

   "No, she doesn't. But? She's a farm girl… so… she's okay with killing and eating animals. As long as I kill something, and remove the guts? My sweetie has no problem helping me butcher just about anything."

   "Oh good god, I can just picture the look on Merry's face, if she saw me sorting through the pig guts, and getting the liver."

   "Is pig liver any good? I only had deer liver before."

   "No, my one buddy raised pigs one year. You have no conception, of how much five market weight plus pig livers weigh."

   "That big?"

   "I was up to my ass in liver, for quite a while."

   "Is it any good? Pig liver?"

   "Honestly? Tasted the same as cow liver to me…"

   "Is it hard to clean it? I like liver and onions…"

   "Eh, that's the only thing. I just experimented. I basically ended up cutting it up at random, and… kinda eating around the weird stuff."

   "Did you learn anything?"

   "A little. Not much… it'd be easier to try to slice warm jello, I think…"

   "You ever make sausage?"

   "Just the basic meat sticks. Why?"

   "Ask Robbie. I'm pretty sure his dad used to make braunschweiger. Honestly? I'm pretty sure, it's just more or less ground liver sausage with some stuff in it."

   "Hmm. Have someone save the next wild pig liver then. I'll do something with it."

   "Will do. You gonna go get Merry before it gets dark?"

   "Yeah. Probably. What's on the menu tonight?"

   "Actually, it's looking like taco night."

   "Ooh. You need me and Merry to pick anything up in town if we go?"

   "Ah… we got about everything, but, you can never have too much shredded cheese around camp."

   "Okay. It'll give me something to do. What kind?"

   "I'm like you, I just love Swiss. On everything. But… the crowd pleasing thing is always Colby Monterrey Jack. Works for burgers, tacos, omelets…"

   "Anything else?"

   "Well… if you wanna spoil me? I'm almost out of mushrooms. Couple cans of mushrooms would be great."

   "Any special requirements on the mushrooms? Or, just any canned mushrooms. I know you're a gourmet cook…"

   "Oh, that… no. Canned mushrooms. Whatever is cheapest. I usually get the cheapest. I'm just gonna chop them up really fine in my tacos. It's my… secret ingredient for my tacos. You know how there's always a 'what is that?' taste or flavor in a dish? Something you can't identify?"

   "Yeah…"

   "Well, in my tacos? It's the finely chopped mushrooms."

   "What do they do?"

   "What do you mean, what do they do? They're fucking mushrooms, Panic. They kinda just get kept in the dark and fed shit, then, they get eaten."

   "Ha ha. You know what I mean, what do they do in the taco meat?"

   "Panic? I just now told you. Mushrooms are my secret ingredient in my taco meat. It's that flavor you taste a little of, but can't put your finger on. Me? I like sliced mushrooms instead of lettuce at home, but… people bitch. So? I sneak it in. When I chop them so fine they just disappear to your eyes in the taco meat, no one knows. But… their taste buds? The taste buds pick it up."

   "You bastard."

   "Yeah. See, I like them on my tacos instead of lettuce. I tried slicing them thinner and thinner to keep people from trying it before they complained 'oh… I don't like mushrooms'. I gave up, and tried chopping them so fine no one could see it? BANG! All of a sudden… since they don't see it, and know it? They just taste it… and? All of a sudden? Gourmet tacos. Now? I got people eating my tacos, telling me how much better this recipe is? Than the last time… when I was trying to get them to eat thin sliced mushrooms on the tacos."

   "You're a sneaky frog, ain't ya?"

   Skykid winked and smiled.

   "Just promise not to tell anyone, okay? You can trust Merry?"

   Panic smiled…

   "Merry can keep a fucking secret. Trust me."

   "Okay. Panic, did you ever notice that if you like to eat something, Merry comes over and all but grills me, about every last detail about what and how and why I cooked it."

   "Yeah. You want me to have a talk with her? Get her to quit… interrogating you?"

   "No! It's fine. I like a lot of things, but… I love talking about good food, good wine… and killing critters. She loves to hear about food and wine, and I love talking about it. It's no problem, trust me."

   "What's the problem then?"

   "I didn't say there was a problem, I just asked if you noticed it."

   "I noticed it."

   "What does that tell you, Panic."

   Panic shrugged.

   "Tells me, Merry wants to learn to cook more stuff. How to pick wine. What does it tell you?"

   "It tells me, that Merry is trying very hard to learn how to please you, Panic. She really likes you."

   "Yeah. You're right. She tries too hard."

   "Why do you think that is, Panic…"

   "Oh. I already know why. See, you already know about Merry's problems with married cops in the city. She talked about it and made jokes. The married cops, playing with the girls around town… see, the FBI agents, that's the "good job" to have in town. Everyone knows it. Decent money, some perceived bullshit power… they throw some money around the young girls, use them for fun, and dump them."

   "Yeah, I remember, but…"

   "Well… that taught Merry that a guy making a couple bucks and throwing a few bucks on dinner? Ain't the road to happiness. Now, Merry wants to attract what in her mind is, a nice guy. She's… admitted to me, she's not a great cook, and… see, she's hung up on what modern male female relationships have lost, chemically… chemical bonds between pair bonded humans… and, she's hung up on a woman cooking for her guy, is another chemical bond modern couples have lost, among others, and it---"

   "Panic! Will you just shut up, and let me tell you a story?"

   Panic shrugged again.

   "Sure. If it's important, go ahead."

   "Sorry to be rude, but, thanks. Look, Panic… how many times have you ever said, that you feel like you're a bright guy, but, that you're only shortcoming you know you have, is that you sometimes miss the forest for the trees. I know I've heard you joke about it before."

   "Yeah. Sure."

   "All right. See, you're the kind of guy… you do this all the time. I mean, it's actually pretty impressive. I've seen you fill up a whole notebook with fucking equations, learning how to put camera lenses together and flashlight lenses together, from scratch. To do your night vision stuff…"

   "Yeah…"

   "Now, if you were an archaeologist? I'm just sure, you would be digging where everyone else was digging. No one would find anything… but you? No, you'd find a fucking hair down in the dirt. You? You would notice it. Test it. Find out it's… oh, I don't fucking know… prove it's a… goddamned Egyptian Mao cat or some shit… how deep down the hair was found? Where you found it? You would… prove… the Egyptians had contact with the Mayans and the Aztecs. You'd write one of your white papers on it. Publish it on the web. You wouldn't rest, until you proved your discovery. I'm making this up to make my point, but, you know what I mean, right?"

   "Yeah…"

   "Now, most regular people? They just look at the fucking great pyramids in Egypt… they just look at the fucking Aztec and Mayan ruins… and they see… big fucking pyramids. Us regular people? We go… oh yeah. Big pyramid over here, another big pyramid over there… yeah, those motherfuckers probably hung out. Didn't they both make beer? Yeah. We're regular people. We're happy at that point. Now… what about you, you're not happy yet, are you? No, cause you're a scientist about everything, right? Go on… I just know you got some problem with matching up pyramids, matching beer up, and calling it day. Go on… do your thing…"

   "Well. If you make it a challenge? Actually, if you just make a big pile of dirt or sand, anywhere in the world? And just let it sit and dry out? You will notice a certain angle the sides of the dirt pile form. That's the optimum angle the dirt will naturally support without falling down more… that angle matches perfectly with the angle of the pyramids, that angle matches perfectly with the angle of the Aztecs and the Mayan pyramid shaped structures. It doesn't prove contact between the ancient civilizations."

   "And the beer?"

   "Well… every culture has some basic grain product. Every culture has some kind of bread. Natural wild yeast gets the bread to rise… you know this, because you're a gourmet cook, and, you make gourmet wine… so, you know people start culturing the yeast. To get the bread to rise. And, if you let it sit? Beer is a natural product, if you just leave the grains sit in water… so, it doesn't prove contact."

   "Good job, Panic. Very impressive. You got a big brain. You should be wearing a lab coat somewhere, you know that? Now… I only told you this story, to tell you another story. Will you let me tell you that story?"

   "Sure. This is getting good… go on…"

   "Yeah, it's another fucking puzzle. I got you interested now, don't I?"

   "Yeah…"

   "Okay, here we go. Now, I know you speak a little bit or a lot of several languages, right?"

   "Yeah…"

   "Okay, so, I'm sure you find it simply fascinating… how a lot of times, one culture has a word for something, that there is no word for in the other language. You have to explain something, to prevent the one word from getting mistranslated and losing the whole point of the conversation, right?"

   "Oh yeah."

   "Now, I'm almost ready, to make my point, but we're not quite there yet. Bear with me, okay?"

   "Oh yeah… keep going…"

   "Thanks. Now… you've talked before about how you grew up. You didn't have a happy childhood."

   "No. Great parents, wonderful parents. Horrible childhood. Go figure. I'm a late bloomer… by the time I hit young adulthood? I had fixed everything, and, more than made up for it."

   "Yeah. Bad childhood, something was wrong. Great young adulthood. You fixed it all, right? You're squarely into middle aged, and doing just fine."

   "Eh. I think so, anyways. Sure…"

   "Yeah. Now, Merry had a great happy childhood, but, she had a shitty young adulthood, right?"

   "Yeah…?"

   "But, she's just over 30, getting to be middle aged, seems to be doing okay, right?"

   "Hmm. I guess so. She found ways to… fix things, I suppose."

   "Yeah. Now, almost there. One more thing. What's Merry like, when you're not around her?"

   "Uh, how would I know that? That's like… asking me if I'm sleeping. If I say yes, then I'm not sleeping."

   "Right. We all get to see what she's like when she's not around you. Are you curious what she's like?"

   "Sure."

   "Quiet. Polite. She's not shy, just… not the same."

   "Okay…"

   "You? I know you. We all know you, and what you're like. You can be quiet and serious. Polite. Yeah, you do the comedian thing you do, but… if you're not being a comedian? You're kind of quiet and serious."

   "Uh, yeah. Okay. I never thought that was a secret…"

   "Panic, I guess you wouldn't know it, but… you… are an entirely different person, when you're around her. It's like night and day. I mean, if I didn't know any better, I'd ask who are you, and what have you done with my friend Panic, you know?"

   "If you say so."

   "Now, remember where we started out? The forest for the trees. You're a scientist kind of person, you have to use the Egyptian cat hair in the archaeological dig, to prove what regular people just look and see, the fucking pyramids both civilizations built. Merry is trying to figure out how to chemically bind human couples together. You had a bad childhood, but fixed it… Merry had a bad young adulthood, but she fixed it. Merry is around 30, and only now concerned with learning to cook. You both have completely different personalities apart or together, and I mean everyone notices it right off the bat. Now, what does all this suggest to you?"

   "That I like Merry? That Merry likes me? Actually, you skipped over the part about words not translating into the other language…"

   "You see? I just knew if I left one of those things out of my conclusion? You wouldn't fucking miss it. The French have a lot of cute phrases. One, is le petit mort, it means 'the little death'. They say the French men fight with their feet, and fuck with their face. Anyways, if you eat a woman's snatch long enough she screams and cries and can't breathe? She kind of… collapses. They don't pass out, but, they look like they're almost dying. The little death, le petit mort."

   "Okay…"

   "Panic, the French have another cute phrase. It kind of describes the whole story, I just told you, in one word…"

   "What's that?"

   "Love. The French call it love… Panic? I honestly think you're standing in the middle of a forest, looking for a tree."

   "Sky… it's my girlfriend. We both like each other. We both know we like each other…"

   "Panic? You think you see it, and you still don't get it. Like? Is the forest… Love? Is the T-R-E-E… how old are you Panic, what, almost 40, right?"

   "Yeah."

   "Merry?"

   "Barely into her thirties…"

   Skykid smiled…

   "Robbie's the one who noticed it first. I mean, we all noticed it, trust me, but… Robbie's the one."

   "What?"

   "You and Robbie go back. You've made jokes on the site over the years. How many little problems did you have with your ex, when you first met her?"

   "Oh. Lots of little stuff."

   "Yeah. You two. Her family. Her work. Her friends. It was the never ending story…"

   "Yeah. What's it like, walking around town, here, with Merry?"

   "Oh. Fun, I guess."

   "Panic, you've made a lot of jokes about your little town you live in. Lots of stuff…"

   "Yeah?"

   "Panic… you ever notice… the difference when you're here, how different it is?"

   "What… what do you mean?"

   "In your town? You're a perfect, law abiding citizen… and you laugh about how you can't drive through your own town after midnight, coming home from the truck stop having coffee with your coffee buddies? Without the cops pulling you over and harassing you. They know you're a solid citizen, and you're not up to anything… they still fuck with you."

   "Small town cops, are small town cops. Whatever."

   "What do you and Merry do, when you go into town here late at night?"

   "Oh. We… usually end up sitting with the cops at the donut shop…"

   "Yeah. You're… really good friends, with the biggest property owner, in town. The chief stops out once a week, and brings you donuts… I couldn't get the blueprints, to work on the electric lines? Because it's such a small town… no one works in the room they keep the blueprints in. You stopped out? The chief gave you the key to go get what you needed for George's property… do… do you get that same feeling, when you're around your own town?"

   "Huh. Now that you mention it… no. Not at all."

   "Another one. You know how you make jokes about people, how do you put it… 'golf with the mayor' ?"

   "Yeah. That's not me, trust me…"

   "Panic… the mayor stopped by to go fishing with George, and all anyone knows, is that George is out of town? The mayor comes by and goes fishing with you and Merry."

   "Panic? You're standing in a forest, and you're wondering where your trees are. Maybe you missed it, but… when George was out here with you and Speedy? Talking about the RLB range? George wants to know who's going to stay here and run the long range. Panic, not being rude, but… all of us? We all have careers. Businesses. Wives. Kids. Houses and properties… none of us can come here and do that. You? We've all been talking about it, behind your back, we can't come up with anyone else. Plus? You and Speedy are the ones that's tight with George, so…"

   "Hmm. Everyone got together and planned my life out for me. Glad you guys finally let me in on the plan."

   "Yeah. Yeah, we did. We were joking with Merry about how she liked staying at the tiny cabin for a month? She said she likes it, it's bigger than her motel apartment in the city. If a guy with money so much as touches Merry's hip? She'll electrocute him! Honestly, Panic… what more could you ever want…"

   "I'll think about it. Anything else you forgot to mention from the report out of the life planning committee?"

   "Yeah. Rob pointed out, there's no gun shop within over a hundred miles of this place. While you and Speedy are hobnobbing down at the FBI building in DC? Ask around about who has any friends at the ATF. Use your pull, while you still got it. Your federal carry permit? Your FBI consultant badge? That shit's harder to get than the FFL. We're already planning on this place getting onto the bench rest circuit? Might as well have an official RLB gun shop, too."

   "Are you done?"

   "For now, yeah. Why, what's wrong with giving you ideas for stuff…"

   "Shit's crazy right now. Me and Speedy's case? Not done. Not by a long shot. And? Me and Merry? We're not exactly here on vacation. Not that you'd know, you wouldn't, but still. I'm into… there's something with me and Merry that came up… it… it's in some ways worse than the shit me and Speedy are into right now. I have to solve that big ball of wax. Before I can even get back to me and Speedy's case. All of which? Needs done before I can even think about… all of this. I'm living in crazy land right now, Sky. When all that's done? Sure, this all sounds wonderful. It's gotta wait."

   "So? Let it wait. Listen to yourself… calm down. Hey! Robbie!"

   "What?!?!"

   "Will you take Poke'n'Panic into town for supplies?"

   Panic took a couple of slow and deep breaths… then held the last and biggest one in for a couple seconds. Exhaled really slowly. Felt his heartbeat slow down some… then opened his eyes. He was calmer.

   "Sky… I'm going to tell you this once, so listen carefully."

   "Panic… don't get mad at me…"

   "Skykid. Have I ever been mad at you? Never. Not once. I'm not mad now, either. I simply want you to listen. Okay?"

   "All right…"

   "These things you're talking about. These are things for me. These are… I don't have a good word for it, so I'll get as close as I can. These… are ME things. These… remember, I don't have a good word for it, I told you that… the closest I can get? You'll understand? These are ME things, and these are… bad word, but… SELFISH things. These things are unimportant, because they are selfish ME things."

   "Panic… It's okay to be a little bit selfish…"

   "You… are right. Just not right now. When this crazy shit is over? I promise you, I will come to you, and to Robbie, and I swear to god, I will listen to everything you two tell me to do. Because it sounds wonderful, it really does. But… I have to finish what I started. It's not about me, it's not for me. It's for everyone else but me. Okay?"

   Poor Skykid just stood there, rooted to the spot. He couldn't take his eyes off of Panic. He wanted to, but he couldn't. Panic didn't scare him, per se… but, he definitely unnerved him. Skykid felt a slight tingly feeling, a slight cold feeling creep up his spine. Icy cold etheral fingers scraped and danced their way up his spine, danced and whirled and tickled at the back of his neck, and dispersed.

   A shiver of some kind went through Skykid's body… then it was gone.

   "Uh… okay."

   Panic's eyes closed for a few seconds, and when they opened? Panic was, again for lack of a better word… back. The edge of his lip curled up into the familiar half smirk, half smile that Skykid was familiar with. The comedy and mirth were back in the eyes. The cold, distant stare vanished and was replaced with the merry twinkle he knew to be familiar.

   Skykid was still was in some sense of reverie, some sense of… awe of some kind. His mouth wasn't hanging open, but he felt as if it should have been. He licked his suddenly dry lips, and swallowed a lump in his throat that vanished when Panic smiled warmly, and slowly put his hand on his shoulder. Panic squeezed ever so gently, and patted his upper arm before he retracted it.

   "Mark."

   "Yeah. My real name's Mark…"

   "Mark? I meant what I said. I can't… do things for myself. I will need to. I promised, and I always keep my promises. When this is all over? I will do whatever you and Robbie think is best for me, and best for Merry. All right?"

   Skykid nodded.

   "Good. I will need that, when this is all over. When I'm back from crazy land. But for right now? I am in the right place. At the right time. Doing the right thing. It needs to be done."

   "Panic? I'm your friend. I only want what's best for you. I'm only trying to help you. You know that, right?"

   Panic smiled, quite warmly.

   "I know, Sky. I know. Just wait for it to be the right time, okay?"

   Skykid smiled back.

   "Okay."

   Panic surprised him by grabbing him suddenly, and Skykid thought at first he was going to hug him, but he just grabbed the back of his neck playfully, and gently tapped foreheads with him.

   Skykid smiled and furrowed his brow slightly…

   "What was that…"

   Panic flashed him a wry grin.

   "That's how a cat says to a human, that we're best buddies…"

   And Panic turned to go with Rob and Merry, off to the store in town. Rob drove his older beat up work pickup to take the three of them into town. When they got to the store, Rob asked Merry if she would go in and look the cheeses over and try to spot canned mushrooms, he wanted to have a quick word with Panic. Merry smiled and obliged him.

   As they watched her going in, Rob gently pushed his fist into Panic's shoulder. A friendly little bump. He could finally touch his buddy's shoulder gently without it bothering him.

   "Did Skykid have a little talk with you?"

   "Yeah, Rob."

   "Did it get through to you?"

   Panic smiled and paused.

   "Yeah, Rob. Did you come up with the… crossword puzzle he told the story with?"

   Rob smiled.

   "We both came up with it. Together. We figured, it would make an impression on you, so, you wouldn't ever forget it."

   "I'll tell you, what I told Skykid… I have to finish me and Speedy's case first. It has to be done. Then? Just like I told Skykid… when it's all over? You and Skykid… can plan the next 10 years of my life for me."

   "Are you being a smart ass?"

   "No. I'm being dead serious."

   "Finally, you're coming to your senses, Panic. You just know, that I'm always right. I swear, if you started listening to me 10 years ago? You'd have ten times the quality of life. I swear to god you would. Plus? You wouldn't have gotten shot in the shoulder, you dumb-ass."

   "And how the fuck do you know about that? Did Speedy tell you? I didn't want anyone to know… god damn it…"

   "Hold on, you crazy Irish bastard. Speedy didn't tell me. And before you ask, no, Merry didn't say anything either."

   "Well, how do---"

   "Panic? I got a bullet hole in me too. I know what one looks like. Hell, we both do. I wasn't 100 percent on it? But, you just told me for sure. Panic… what in the hell were you doing? I thought we both made a promise to ourselves. Years ago… we were tired of getting shot at for a living, the odds were going to catch up with us sooner or later. We both agreed to give all that shit up. We agreed. Come home, and life the good life. Put all that behind us, before it ruined us. Now? What the hell did Speedy get you into."

   "This ain't from me and Speedy's case."

   "You got, what? Mugged in the city? What in the hell…"

   "I can't talk about it. Yet. I will, when it's all over. Promise."

   Rob pointed at Merry's head peeking over the aisle in the store, barely visible.

   "Did… she get you shot? Hell, I thought she's a nice girl…"

   "Rob? I can't talk about it until it's over."

   "Christ almighty. Don't that beat all. We fucking survived goddamn zombie squads running around the jungles in the equator, playing hide and seek for keeps… man, everything was trying to kill us down there, Panic. I swear, when the motherfucking frogs can kill you by touching you? That's god's way of saying 'get the fuck out'…"

   Panic chuckled.

   "How did the Colonel always put it? 'Nice place to visit, wouldn't wanna live there'…"

   "I liked my joke better. If I owned property down there, and property in hell? I'd live in hell, and rent that place out."

   They both laughed, remembering. Panic mused…

   "What the hell were we thinking, Rob?"

   "Aw. We were trying to do the right thing. For those villagers down there. And? The money was good… but… Panic?"

   "Yeah…?"

   "You ever notice, we were trying to do the right thing, and everyone and everything was trying to kill us. From the people down to the wildlife."

   "I noticed…"

   "Yeah, well. Looks like you fucking forgot that. Now? You're trying to do the right thing all over again, and look, you got shot for it… when are you ever gonna learn?"

   "Rob? I gotta finish what I started. People are dying, Rob. I have to put a stop to it."

   "Oh, you got that right, you simple bastard. You're the one almost died. From lead poisoning!"

   "It… it was a freak thing, Rob. One in a million don't cover it…"

   "Is the asshole that shot you, still out there running around?"

   "Nope. I got him."

   "You sure you got him?"

   "Rob? Pun intended… at the gun? The score was 14 to 1…"

   "You ventilated him, huh?"

   "I turned him into a screen door…"

   "Good. Does he have buddies? Assholes always have buddies… what about them."

   "It's being taken care of."

   "Officially? or…"

   "Officially, Rob. I don't 'operate' on this continent, you know the rules…"

   "I was just wondering, is all."

   Rob pointed at Merry again, looking at the two of them, and went back to shopping down the aisles again.

   "Was she worth it?"

   "Yeah, Rob. She's worth it."

   "So… you did get shot over something to do with her, didn't you?"

   "Rob? What part of I can't talk about it, until it's over… did you not understand?"

   "Well, if it's so damned official, why can't I just watch it on the fucking news?"

   "Rob…"

   "Okay, okay… I'm done trying to talk sense into you. Christ, at least they gave us flak jackets down in the jungle. That was something, at least."

   "I told you, I'll tell you all about it, when it's over."

   "Okay. You know something, Panic…"

   "What?"

   "You are shitting in some tall cotton, son."

   "What do you mean?"

   "Me and the boys were joking about it, but, it's true. This is a tiny little town, and you're walking around with one of the prettiest girls here. You gotta love it. Don't ya?"

   Panic smiled.

   "Like I said, she was worth it. Yeah… I feel ten feet tall walking around with her. Rob? I actually feel like… I can trust her, you know?"

   Rob belly laughed.

   "Yeah. I still can't believe she fucking taser-ed a guy, just for touching her after she said not to lay a finger on her… god, I wish my ex wife was like that… instead of banging a doctor at work…"

   "You're actually jealous?"

   "A little, yeah. Like I said, yer shitting in tall cotton, son. The property owner wants you to live here, and run the range? Keep the predators away from his livestock so he can make some money? Christ, Panic… you got a really pretty girl, staying with you in an honest to god shotgun shack, and… she's happy about it. She actually thinks you're poor, and she likes you for it? Yeah. Write it down, I said it, I'm a little jealous."

   "So, you're happy for me?"

   "Yeah. Everything except the getting shot part, that sucks…"

   "Tell me about it. Couldn't have been a full metal jacket, oh no, had to get plugged with a fucking hollow-point, for Christ's sake…"

   "Is the sex okay?"

   "That's my Rob… all shy about asking… no details, but… yeah. The sex is good. She practically rapes me. I feel so used."

   "That's a good thing…"

   "Yeah it is."

   Rob pointed at the store…

   "Where's the… what's the down side. There has to be something…"

   "You know what they say about crazy ex boyfriends?"

   "Yeah…"

   "Let's just say she has a couple of real doozies… and leave it at that, for now."

   "Oh… crazy ex boyfriend shot you?"

   "No. His partner did… and if you tell anyone I said that? I'll be highly pissed. Your ears only. Only Speedy and Merry know that, and you can't say anything."

   "You got shot, by her ex boyfriend's gay lover? Only in the fucking city, now, don't that beat all…"

   "No, you idiot. Not that kind of partner… more like dirty cops."

   "You shot a dirty cop? 14 times?"

   "He came to kill us. I lit him up like a fucking Christmas tree…"

   "You shot a cop, and you're dumb enough to go back to the same city? Are you fucking insane? You're crazier than I am, and that's saying something…"

   "Not just any dirty cop. A federale…"

   "And you're not in any trouble? You're on vacation?"

   "IA all but pinned a medal on me. He was about to go down anyways. Like I said, they're rounding up the others as we speak."

   "Panic? You need your fucking head examined, you know that?"

   "Yes, I am aware of that. Fortunately? Merry had a year and a half of psychology classes, so… I'll let her handle my head when this is all over. In the shotgun shack."

   "Was that pun intended?"

   "What…"

   "Let your girlfriend handle your head?"

   They both laughed like high school kids.

   "All right. Let's go get the cheese and mushrooms and whatever else is on Skykid's shopping list… and I wasn't kidding, Rob. You breathe a word of this to any one, any where? I swear to god, I'll tell Merry to taser you on 9 instead of 3 like that other guy…"