Merry - Chapter 76

   Over the next two days, Merry and Panic's soreness diminished and went away. By the second day, George must have felt he spent enough time with his wife and kids that he came down to hang out at the range a little with the guys. He was naturally curious how things had gone in his absence. Panic took him to the bait shop, and retrieved the stout wooden box nailed shut with the slit in the top they were pushing money down into, bills and coins both. Panic showed him the notebook they had been using as a ledger. Every sale, with date and time written down. Daily totals and weekly totals dutifully recorded

   "Theoretically, if you add up all the totals, they should equal the amount of money in the box."

   George was not only happy, he admitted he didn't keep track of "dick" other than keeping bait shop money "sort of" separate and watching it grow slowly before pulling some out.

   "I'm afraid to ask what's going on with the wine and beer and brandy…"

   "You're low on dago red. It's the biggest bait shop seller. The other wines are, hell I don't know what you consider time to make more. You're definitely low on that dark beer? Christ, the boys love that stuff. Wine and beer sales are all in the second part of that notebook. The apricot brandy too. All that money? It's in the box too. The boys bought the dark beer by the wooden keg, until we hit the last one. Then, I told them to leave you a keg of it. Same with the brandy. The wine? I figured you'd rather have the money."

   George started looking through the notebook.

   "Wow. You weren't kidding. Your boys? Make me a serious profit on beer and wine and brandy. I thought I had enough for all year."

   "Is that a problem?"

   "Hell no. I just gotta make more is all."

   "Now… there's just the matter of your freezers in the barn."

   "What about them? Oh hell, another one shit the bed, didn't it."

   "Let's just drive over to the barn, and you can see."

   George got to the barn, and went around checking out the coolers and freezers.

   "What the hell…"

   "Had a guy come in, and worked on the freezers and coolers. Most of them are working now."

   "I don't even wanna know what that cost. You take it outta the box?"

   "No."

   "Well, how much do I owe for this."

   "Nothing. A member came in for a long weekend. Has his own HVAC company. Instead of working on the range? He donated fixing all these. Didn't cost him much. Most of the poopers, were either a leaky seal, a leak in the coil, or just needed recharged. He collects refrigerant, and filters it, and can reuse it. Didn't cost him dick to solder the coils that had bad joints. He collected, filtered, and recharged with what he had in his tanks. I paid him, if you wanna call it that? With all the booze he could drink. That being beer and wine. I didn't part with any free brandy, figured that shit's too precious. I bought him a gallon of the apricot brandy out of my own pocket, to thank him to take home with him."

   "I'm pretty happy to have all the coolers and freezers out of the bunch working like new now, but… what about the electric bill?"

   "That's the other thing you need to know…"

   "What now…"

   "See these new outlets all along this wall, and this wall?"

   "Yeah. What the hell?"

   "Master electrician. He brought a pickup truck full of electrical shit, and I mean full. All these new outlets? That's 100 and 220 both. Are free electricity, don't tell anyone."

   "How in the hell did you guys…"

   "He put a new spur line in, off the main buried electrical. Your bill will stay the same, cause all the old electrical is still on the main line and it's metered. All the new electrical though… that's why the fixed freezers and coolers? Are moved and plugged into that wall now."

   "Someone said all the outbuildings and pavilions and shooting benches… anything with a roof, has electric now."

   "Yep."

   "Is that all…"

   Panic smiled.

   "You have an off the books bait and booze business running, figured why not have an off the books electrical, too."

   George started looking through all the refurbished coolers and freezers.

   "You might have a few extra packages of meat… didn't think you'd mind…"

   "How in the hell do I have more deer meat than what I left here?"

   "That's the funny thing, even we can't figure it out, how it's happening. We keep eating deer meat, and were gonna run out? I'm sure none of us are poaching or anything, that would be illegal, and we're all respectable hunters and cops and everything, but… some vandals must be breaking into the barn late at night, and leaving deer meat. Strangest thing."

   George started laughing his ass off.

   "Can't solve that case, huh?"

   "It's just that no one will own up to doing it. Sure as fuck happening though. As you can see."

   "Where's all the bones and hides?"

   "Hides get burned. Bones get buried. We filled up the diesel in the big tractor. The one guy? Said the cylinders were for shit, and he repacked the cylinders and did the seals and replaced a drippy line and fitting."

   George went back to the magically refilling freezers and looked some more.

   "This is all deer steaks and chops… this one? All ground meat. You said your wife likes to cook with the ground meat. This one? All roasts. And this one… is all pork steaks. Boys take turns going on night hunts for wild pig. This one? All ground pork and sausage. Pork roasts are all here. Electrical guy rewound the coils on your meat grinder, so… we've been having a ball with it. This bottom shelf? All sliced pig liver, if you eat liver."

   "Anything else I need to know?"

   "In the spring? Since we have free electrical and all. A few refurbished small electric pumps are going in, and some water lines run. The water table, on account of the creek going through the one end of the property? Is pretty high. Real shallow wells so we have water for your herd you wanna have."

   "I don't know what to say…"

   "I'm hoping you say, the wife and your boys don't mind us being down on this end of the property, to tell you the truth. Ain't seen hide nor hair of the two boys since you left, figured they were scared of us or something. Someone takes the wife and kids into town, and they're always armed. Plus they carry her shopping in for her."

   "No no, the wife loves you guys. We can't hear the shooting every day or the fires and bullshitting after dark anyways. She said she doesn't get to carry anything when she goes shopping. I told the boys when I wasn't here, to not be bothering you guys, that's why they been scarce."

   "So… we're all good?"

   "Better than good. You said when the guys start coming in and don't have to do any more work, they're gonna pay a daily range fee?"

   "Yeah. Covers camping, too."

   "How can I complain? I got my own private army, and I'm making more money than ever with the bait and booze shop. Panic? You give any thought to being the greens-keeper here when this is all done… told Speedy to mention it to you…"

   "Yeah, George. My girl? She likes it here. The tiny cabin we're staying in? It's bigger than her motel apartment in the city she's used to. If you don't mind we make a little cabin off the trail, near the water?"

   "I don't care. I can't believe I'm gonna finally be able to keep a herd, like grandpa did. Place might turn a profit."

   "George? You seen meat prices lately in the store? Anything we can get feeding itself grazing… you should make a killing on. Fucking ground beef is going for 6 bucks a pound, and that's the 80 percent shit. We'd make a killing, if we sold fresh ground meat under the table. Goat meat shot up to 14 a pound. Meat chickens would free range themselves, and make giant eggs to boot. You won't be a millionaire off of it, but… you'll definitely make money."

   "What do you need, Panic."

   "What do you mean?"

   "What do you want?"

   "Uh, not much. The boys want me to get a license to have a gun shop, so I can buy and sell guns for them, out of the long range. Place to work on guns, like that. Wondered if you'd mind."

   "I don't care. You think it will turn a profit?"

   "It might. There's no gun shop within over a hundred miles from where we stand. Ammo sales alone would probably be a good thing. All them hunters coming in every year. Range fees from them sighting in. Working on their guns."

   "How much money do you need, to try that?"

   "Nothing. George? I have my own money. I just wanted to make sure you didn't care if I did that here, or what. I could do it in town, if you mind. Or if I do it here? I could give you rent, or a percentage. Whatever."

   "Panic? Until I know otherwise… you have my blessing."

   "So… I can report to the boys, that the RLB long range… is a go?"

   "Yeah. I wasn't even here, and I made money off the booze. You guys ain't bothering me any. Jesus Christ, you boys fixed everything on the whole damned property that wasn't working."

   "When's Speedy getting in, do you know?"

   "I think late tonight. I'm not a hundred percent on that. What the hell's in this freezer… what's this…"

   "Oh. Fish. Your freezer at the bait shop? Kinda filled up, so, the overflow has been coming here… the boys go fishing, and, I told them anything edible, to keep and put it in here."

   "Christ Almighty, Panic… we're gonna have to trade stuff, for other stuff, just to get rid of some of this…"

   "Worse problems to have, right?"

   "Yeah. For sure."

   They went back to the bait shop, both to retrieve the wooden money box and the notebook George had forgot about… and to have an iced mug of the dark German beer. Apparently, George was happy enough with everything, that he decided opening the last wooden keg of the stuff was in order. After bullshitting idly over their beer, they went back to the main camp and sat around with the guys before George went back home.

   Panic was excited to relate to everyone, that project long range was a firm "go". Everyone was tickled pink about that. The entire project existed entirely upon some verbal arrangement. To Speedy and Panic, it was a good risk. Opinions of the other members varied. Most of the other members either didn't give that end of things much thought, if indeed any at all. A few members had privately voiced mild concerns that all this time and money and raised expectations were being launched on… well… nothing.

   As one mildly concerned member put it within earshot of Speedy, the entire thing depended entirely upon the property owner being either happy or at least complacent with their presence. Speedy had in typical Speedy fashion… casually walked up to the member, smiling broadly while sipping his coffee. Once within "in your face" range, he had broadened his smile perhaps a bit too far to be a normal facial expression, whereupon he related to the worry wart…

   "Well then. I would suggest? Making absolutely sure that the property owner is god-DAMN-ed happy with us being here. Catching my drift here? Eh?"

   Speedy had nodded his head up and down dramatically, and continued to do so until the worry wart caught the bug, and began nodding his head up and down as well. He had caught the drift. It was on a handshake and a gentleman's agreement, and nothing more. It obviously behooved everyone to be on their absolute best behavior at all times.

   When someone mentioned to another member, to pick up their garbage, Speedy had overheard and commented…

   "No. Don't just pick up your garbage. Pick up any garbage you see. Yours, mine, his… and anything else you find."

   This led to the boys locating two or three "teenage party spots" from back in the day that existed in remote wooded locations around the property, before the local police had started actively enforcing the no trespassing edict at George's behest. Standard sort of affair for such things. Teenagers drinking beer and smoking cigarettes and banging their little girlfriends led to a small rock fire ring with metal and aluminum cans burned in it, with a few beer and liquor bottles scattered about amid some assorted bric a brac. The boys had found these places scouting wild pig runs and had returned them to pristine condition.

   In all truth and fairness, a plan did exist where the range would get onto a much more solid legal footing. It was nebulous and up in the air whether it would be a lease, a rental, or what have you sort of arrangement. It depended on George seeing how the range looked, that it generated some small profit, that it existed out of sight and out of mind when he wasn't walking through it. When George looked around and saw that everything was wonderful? Then, they would legitimize the setup with whatever arrangement they decided on.

   The members, however… did not know this. Speedy and Panic smiled, realizing why Speedy decided such should be secret. It obviously kept everyone on their best behavior. Which of course they should be on anyways, but just like door locks kept honest people honest… this little white lie of omission kept "the boys" on their toes.

   Merry was smiling at Panic at the cabin, and when he asked what was up she chuckled.

   "You're all smiles and nervous. Pacing around and can't sit still. Honestly, you look like one of my girlfriends in college, waiting on a date to arrive."

   "Well? Yeah. Speedy's coming in finally. He hasn't seen half of the work the guys have got done. There's electricity everywhere in all the cabins and outbuildings and even the pavilions are all wired up. I'm only in charge when Speedy isn't here."

   "I'm sure it's fine. Didn't you just spend time with the property owner, walking around, checking shit out?"

   "Yeah…"

   "You said he was happy. I'm sure everything is fine."

   "I know. I'm also psyched. You know, to get things moving again…"

   Merry smiled.

   "Quit worrying. I told you how many times now. You and Speedy are going to be teacher's pet to see how it goes. Geez…"

   "I know, I know…"

   "Oh, it's fine honey. I'm just teasing you. Remember, my emphasis of study in Psychology? Male female relationships. It's not like we didn't study male male relationships and female female relationships."

   "You studied gay relationships too? Huh…"

   "No, that's another field. Traditional male male relationships. You know, men with a work relationship, men with a play relationship, like that. Do you wanna know what most people find funny about the field?"

   "Sure…"

   "For a long time, people have noticed. Men that like hanging out with each other? Get all excited to know they're going to see the other one. Most people said it reminded them of little kids, all excited to know they were going to play with their friend they hadn't seen in a while. Apart for any length of time? Moping around, again like little kids. When a relationship ends on a bad note? Depression."

   Merry continued to smile though, letting Panic know there was more.

   "And…"

   "And. Someone finally got the idea, it was nearly identical to men and women dating. It's informally called a 'bromance'. It was just a funny anecdote for a long time? Then someone studied and found out it has a chemical basis. Some of the same chemicals are released through the relationship, though not nearly as many different chemicals, not nearly as much of those chemicals that are present. Still… it's a low level dating chemistry that men share when in a relationship."

   "That's nice."

   Merry now chuckled…

   "So. When I call Speedy your boyfriend? And your friends yer boyfriends at the clubhouse camp? I'm not entirely joking."

   Panic studied her to both comic and dramatic effect for a short time.

   "What…"

   "I'm right now? Rethinking my wisdom in choosing a girlfriend with three degrees in Psychology. I'm starting to think two would have been fine."

   "Oh, you're funny today, aren't ya."

   "I'm pretty much funny every day, if you hadn't noticed, dear…"

   "I noticed. So…"

   "Yes…?"

   "Are… you gonna fuck me before everyone gets here, or what. I want a quickie, damn it… before your precious Speedy gets here…"

   "What's the big deal there?"

   Merry winked to let him know she was kidding.

   "Because once your boyfriend gets here? It'll be illegal for me to get any when the sun's up, that's why…"

   Both of them laughing, Panic "chased" her around, until he finally "caught" her near the stove. The cat observed their mating ritual with detached amusement, Merry bent over the stove-top from the side. After all this time now, he had learned they weren't really hurting each other. From the cat's point of view of things, at least this time they were doing it correctly. Panic was biting her neck a little bit, from a rear mount and she was making some noise while they struggled around some. The cat groomed itself nearby, watching with a little amount of interest for the time being. After all, the humans were on and around the stove, and the stove? Sometimes produced goodies.

   As far as the cat was concerned, it didn't really look like this was going to cause the stove to produce goodies, but it was best to keep an eye on developments like that.