the Dirty Dozen - Chapter 47

   Merry and Panic and Rob started spending even more time together over the next number of days. Skykid would come and go, talking with them when they took breaks, often enough just watching when they were working. When watching, Skykid would often smile, and more often than not… he would simply smile and shake his head. Readjust his famous sunglasses he always had with him and wander back off. Leaving them to their own devices. Skykid had to recruit another RLB member for watch duty at the main entrance GPS brought everyone to. This meant that he became the de facto recipient and signer of deliveries for Panic as well. He dutifully brought all packages and paperwork immediately, as he had been asked to do.

   Everyone already knew Robbie and Skykid had some special relationship, the way they always ran around together, talked and joked, obviously something outside the normal RLB camaraderie they all shared. The joke was that Rob and Sky were "married". A traditional odd couple marriage. One big and loud and rude, one shorter and lighter and much more reserved. "Opposites attract", the boys all joked.

   Everyone also knew Panic and Rob shared some sort of close relationship. The joke was the same, Rob was also "married" to Panic. Just like Skykid and Rob were prone to either argue and tease one another, then you'd see them with one of their arms around the other's shoulders, laughing… it was the same way with Rob and Panic. Hardly anyone knew what these relationships were based on, they just knew that they existed.

   The further joke, for long standing members that had "blinky stars" and attended many RLB events… was that Rob was a bigamist. Married to both. When all three were together? They would be arguing and teasing one minute, slapping and laughing and all but arm in arm the next.

   Everyone in this relationship was obviously okay with the "open relationship" they all three shared, if you applied the crude jokes to reality. Now, Merry was in on it as well.

   All any of the boys knew, was that "sweet little Merry" had recently been shown how to handle a gun, by the gift of a single shot spring piston powered BB handgun that resembled a 45 auto. Once Merry suddenly discovered "squirrel poaching" that day? It was obvious Panic had gotten quite a bit of shotgun instruction into her. Seemingly overnight.

   Now? Anyone that wandered by that small handgun range the three had picked out for themselves, would stand and watch, quite entertained. Rob and Panic were having her shoot with them, all day, every day. Merry had quickly picked up Rob and Panic's blank expressions when shooting. The boys thought it was cute to watch her walk towards a 20 yard silhouette, dumping the clip as if breathing, releasing the magazine and clapping another one in and releasing the slide all in one easy motion and resuming the mag dump until she was right in front of the target. The regulars called this shooting "Speedy style", because he practiced it so often.

   You could hear the three of them doing sweeps, when they would practice with several silhouettes side by side almost touching… touching off quickly while sweeping right to left or left to right. Peppering targets by simply keeping the gun reasonably at the right height, fighting the recoil. When the mag was dumped, the fresh one was for popping a round on every target, aimed but quick, going back the other direction after a mag change.

   Panic and Rob were reloading all of their buckets of brass they were using. Usually before, during, and after dinner. Panic started using extended magazines in a Glock he had suddenly developed an interest in; odd to everyone because he normally didn't have any love for Glocks. Not content with the extended magazines, he had a contraption that held a second mag joined at the base of the first. Instead of dropping the empty and clapping a fresh one in, he simply dropped and shoved over and up with the fresh one carried with it. This was only a slight novelty to anyone happening by, as it was fairly standard practice with AR platform rifles, the novelty was seeing it applied to a handgun.

   Rob and Panic were also fooling around with reloading 12 gauge shotgun shells in bulk, after a period of trial and error. Watching them shoot the pump shotguns with the extended tubes to hold more rounds, it was obvious they were making "buckshot" loads and playing with them.

   Both of them were working the shotgun by holding the trigger firmly down, and pumping quick as they sprayed buckshot over the packed in silhouette groups they made. They got Merry doing it too. One of the boys stopped by to watch, cigarette in one hand, beer in the other, waiting on dark and dinner. Merry was sweating like a nun in a whorehouse. Working the shotgun like they had just done, pumping and sweeping steadily over the group of hapless silhouette targets. Always clapping in that extra round on cue, as if the extended tube wasn't good enough.

   When Merry was done, rolling sweat and falling brunette hair in her face, she looked at the guy standing behind the firing line near her. Blew her hair up off her forehead, and wiped her face on her arm to redistribute the sweat and grit yet another time. Stared at him like a guy challenging him, then stuck her tongue out and laughed to let him know she was just kidding.

   Rob and Panic were arguing about which powder was best for their Glock reloads. Panic liked the most accurate, like always… Rob favored function, so the cleaner powder was his pick. They weren't both satisfied until a third powder suggested by another member made them both happy. They ordered four giant jugs of it, and paid the obscene hazmat and overnight delivery without qualm.

   Skykid was well known to everyone to be into casting projectiles. He had casting equipment ordered for him. All overnight delivery. Money was no object, naturally. He would go to the barn between lunch and dinner, and fire up the multiple lead melting pots. He had multiple gang molds lined up. When one mold was overheating, he would grab the next one. Once he got rolling, he had three gang molds up to temperature, or, cooling off to go back into service. He could drop a thousand projectiles into the five gallon buckets of cool water inside of two hours, after the half hour to get everything running smoothly.

   One night after dinner, and everyone was talking and joking like normal, Skykid asked Rob if he had started preaching again. To Merry.

   "Yep. Sure have. Merry's a quick study. She had, a big old empty hole in her life. I done filled that hole up. With the word of the Lord. Like many people, Merry done had some common misconceptions, about the true word of our Lord, and our savior, Jesus Christ. I done set her straight. Merry? You understanding your God better now?"

   Merry was sitting around, cleaning her Glock.

   "Oh, yeah… definitely."

   A voice came up from the back of the group of guys, huddled loosely on the opposite end of the fire.

   "Rob filled up Merry's hole? And Panic's happy about it?"

   A number of chuckles at this wit went around. The three of them were sitting around, still cleaning their Glocks and shotguns. Smiling like they knew something everyone else didn't know. What lunacy afflicted Panic and Rob? Had now passed to Merry as well.

   Panic stood up, and went and refilled his extra large coffee mug… Skykid was smiling as well. Readjusted his sunglasses, waiting on it. He knew what was coming.

   "Brother Rob? I hear blasphemers among us. They laugh at the word of the Lord. Tell it, brother Rob… TELL IT!"

   Rob chuckled like a crazy man.

   "What? Everyone be running around, always whining about…"

   Rob suddenly put a girly voice on…

   "What would Jesus do?"

   "And I like to remind them! Yelling and screaming, and chasing everyone around with a whip is a possibility, too!"

   Panic was starting to stalk around now. Giving off energy. Everyone just followed him with their eyes. Only his little group smiled and was perfectly all right with it.

   "Don't stop, Brother Rob! Tell them! Do it!"

   "You… fools… think you know something about the Lord. Because you go and sit in your little churches. Let some other fool tell you what's in the owners manual… why don't you read it for your self, huh? Sheep… they got that shit right, anyways… most people are a bunch of sheep…"

   "Tell it, brother Rob… fucking TELL IT !!"

   "Y'all think, yer supposed to keep turning the other cheek. Take it in the ass again. Be happy about it… well? You don't! The bible? Is chock full of men of the sword! The old testament god? Was a god of war… a god of wrath, he was."

   "TELL IT!!"

   "He would smite motherfuckers. Pillars of fire… turned greedy cunts to pillars of salt… even killed little boys, that fell asleep in church! Yeah, that's in there too. Fucking read it, instead of letting some asshole tell you. Open your eyes, sheep!"

   "A sweet, loving god? Sure… when you do what's right! If you're evil? What do you get?!?! Rivers of blood… angels of death… and? You shall reap, what you sow."

   Panic stood and sipped his coffee. His eyes were flashing adrenaline, but he was quiet now. Too quiet.

   "Now testify, brother Rob…"

   "The time of miracles? Is over. Gone. Done… God? Works through people now. You see, when men are in battle? You pray to god, that you live through it, to see the next day…"

   "Tell it…"

   "A battle? Is nothing more than a fine walk, on a fine day, through a fine field. And those men that wish to die? Simply place themselves in my path. They want to meet their god? I will introduce them…"

   "Testify…"

   "When you pray, that you live through a battle, who do you think, that you're really praying to? Hmm? Me… now, I will turn the other cheek, but… only once… thou shalt not kill? Give me a break. The men of the sword in the old testament? Killed more men than cancer… and they were obeying the word of the Lord…"

   "YES!!"

   "Services? Are concluded. May the spirit of the Lord be with you… and, don't be shy with it."

   Panic sat down and was quiet again. Smiling…

   "Yea, though I walk through the shadow of the valley of death. I shall fear no evil… for I am the craziest son of a bitch in the valley."

   One guy asked another seated next to him, now that it was over, whatever it had been… the three were back to normal now…

   "Are they drunk?"

   The guy just smiled and leaned back…

   "Nope. Just coffee."

   The three were done cleaning their handguns and shotguns now, and put them into their cases. Everything was back to normal. Merry had to get the last word in, though…

   "Well? Mom always did say, maybe I should start going to church again… guess mom was right. I like it."

   Skykid smiled, and asked if anyone wanted any sacramental wine… finishing up coffee in large mugs, all three held their empty large mugs out for him. He smiled and dutifully filled them all.

   Things went back to normal. Merry and Panic shared wine kisses. The boys made "woo woo" noises. The two lovebirds went home before all of the "festivities" ended, just as they had been doing recently.

   The next day, much of the craziness seemed to have worked itself out of the three of them. The last bit was a lot more sedate than everyone had grown used to seeing. Panic and Rob brought home three or four plastic 55 gallon drums, and epoxied them together end to end and quite carefully, after cutting the bottoms out of all but the bottom one.

   They stood this new couple hundred gallon "giga-barrel" up and supported it next to a tree, with rope to keep it upright against all else. Chunks of two by four left over from all the making and building the boys had already done, got nailed then screwed to the tree doing the supporting. Merry and Panic took turns climbing it, and emptying mags from Merry's glock straight down into it.

   When they were finally done, they dumped the giga-barrel over, and retrieved all the hard cast lead hollow-point pills that had been safely captured in the water. This bounty, that seemed to please all three of the crazy trio… went with Rob and Panic into the shotgun loading section of the shelter reserved for that purpose.

   Everyone just shook their head, and smiled, and went on with their own days. This really wasn't that out of the ordinary for Rob and Panic anyways, in their experience. Everyone already had been joking for years, that those two weren't "all there" to begin with. The only difference these last days? They just had a new recruit, Merry, to appreciate them and egg them on with their periodic bouts of silliness.

   When even that was done? Everything went back to more or less complete normal for several days. The only slight weirdness, was when Skykid brought Panic a last delivery. A large but thin rectangular box. Panic hopped around smiling, and was inordinately happy to receive it finally.

   "Big LED light panels…", he explained when asked.

   Everyone murmured and nodded around the campfire, it made complete sense now. Him and Merry were playing house in their tiny cabin. They had electric, now a fixed up old stove-top oven… they might as well have a light panel or three to hang around.

   Sense and sensibility had once again returned to Panic and even Rob and Merry now as well. Their little bouts of seeming "craziness" always did pass, and after all… it was usually and almost always… highly entertaining to see and experience some of their antics now and again.

   Completely "settled down" finally, Rob and Panic lastly bought a small lathe off the internet, and set it up in the barn on a large workbench with ample room. Aluminum rod stock got delivered as well, in varying lengths and diameters. Merry had decided to treat the boys to something they wanted to make, and she had bought it for them.

   This was nothing weird. Everyone knew Rob had once worked as a machinist for two years in his past, and Panic had even been an entry level tool and die machinist for about a year one time in his past as well.

   When asked what they were making?

   "Flash suppressors, big ones… screw on, not pin or press fit."

   No one thought anything of it in the least. They were making them to standard barrel accessory threads, and even though they were trying them out on the Glocks, they were much larger than needed for that purpose, they were clearly going to go on rifle barrels. Really just box standard "gun nut" hobby fun.

   One night, when all of this was done… Panic asked Rob to stop up to their little cabin, so he could see the "cool porch light" he had installed. He wanted to show it off, and told Rob to wait until after dark to fully appreciate it.

   Rob dutifully came up, and knocked. He could see the thin light panels not glowing, arranged around the cabin door. Held up temporarily by nails at the four corner holes for that purpose. He heard a voice inside, asking if he was "ready", to see… "the light of god", as they put it to him through the door.

   "Yeah! Shoot… you said it can light up the fire ring out here, lemme check this shit out, I might want one down the bunkhouse…"

   One of the two inside flicked a light switch, and all they heard was Rob screaming, then they heard him fall over and stuff go flying as it happened. Rob was cussing up a storm, swearing to do something similar to "break his foot off" up in Panic's "Irish fool ass".

   Panic chuckled, and kicked the door to the cabin open, and stood with his back to the light show. Rob was laying on the ground, feeling around with his hands, screaming he was actually blind… all he could "see" was a giant green "blob" that would not clear up and go away.

   Panic calmed him down, and assured him it was temporary. All Rob had to say was…

   "It goddamned well better be."

   Panic had Merry flick the blinking lights off, then they each took one of Rob's hands, and led him to a folding camp chair. It took several minutes before Rob said he could actually see anything again, other than a giant green blob in both eyes. He could still see it with his eyes closed. It took a great deal of reassuring him, on both their parts, to keep him calm.

   "You two assholes have no idea how bad this is… this isn't funny."

   Merry and Panic both assured him, they did… they had already each tested it on each other, so that they trusted how well it worked.

   Panic explained, that "lumens" were a measure of quantity of light. He had just experienced a couple million lumens of light. Each blinking at a different speed, for maximum disorientation beyond simple flash blindness.

   Rob murmured… still rubbing his eyes…

   "Christ… I thought Speedy's fucking tactical flashlights from his cop toy-box were bad enough when he plays with them after dark… god almighty Panic, that's worse than the flash-bangs we learned to ignore."

   Panic grinned…

   "I know, Rob, I know… no training to ignore that motherfucker going off, eh?"

   "I guess not…"