Range - Chapter 41

   After licking Merry's ankles, he had initiated her new slow thing she liked so much. Why not, he liked it as well. This time, once he got her down to her underwear? She smiled easily, not lasciviously. Once it was time to begin the slow removing of the panties, she had stopped him after a couple tugs, and gently held him up. She did slow back to him. She took her time. When he was a couple tugs into his own boxer briefs, she quit and they enjoyed each other a while. Nothing happening but nothing stopping either.

   She stood up on the mattress, and brought him up as well. They had slow fun standing up, then they each lost their underwear. At the same time, each taking the other's down. She sat back down, tugging his hand down to lay next to her. Slow continued until she finally stopped and asked if he had decided what he wanted for the night. She smiled and they went about their business.

   After they were done, they laid next to each other. Talking. They called it 'the thing' in conversation. Merry admitted that everything was more or less great. Undercover pool workers made more money than anyone else, and everyone knew it and also knew why. They were prone to suddenly die or disappear out of nowhere, every now and again.

   Merry admitted you just don't think about it after a while, and get to the point you figure that you live a charmed life. That confidence was good, she claimed… until you lost it. Like now. She admitted that she was always aggressive and on top of things during sex. Normally. She also admitted that he had been right about something else. Strong women do want a guy that's stronger than they are, physically and 'otherwise' as she put it. That was why she sometimes wanted taken.

   Panic laughed when she did the old time movie voice again.

   They fell asleep talking, and woke up shortly before dawn. Eight hours of bliss and random images passed when Bitty Kitty danced on them. When they both finally got the hint and woke up and touched the cat in turns, all three of them seemed happy.

   "I wasn't kidding, hun. I have everything except a home life. I almost never get to see my own family. It's rare I get to go home and be me. I have money I can't touch or see or use. I have family I can't spend time with. My home life consists of being alone, or, now Bitty Kitty."

   "And me, right?"

   "You're silly. I'm laying here naked with you, talking. Thought that one was a given. Jesus."

   "What are we going to do?"

   "You mean, what am I going to do. This is all my problem."

   "I'm mixed up in it now too. That guy that tried to sneak into your apartment? He made sure of that."

   "Why is it weird to me, that you're taking this so well… not demanding proof."

   "It's not hard to believe. It makes everything add up. Two plus two equals four again. Once I get proof? I'll just be even happier."

   "I'm taking you to meet my Uncle Mikey. I have to."

   "Who's Uncle Mikey?"

   "My handler, silly. You think I make this all up as I go along? Everyone has a boss. The girls at work? Think he's my Uncle Mikey. He comes along once in a while, wants to spend time with his brother's daughter. He goes through town on business, and stops in now and again when he can."

   "If your Uncle Mikey doesn't yell at you, I'm going to smack him one. For not being a very good uncle."

   "Oh, don't worry about that. I'm going to get quite a lecture, trust me."

   "Why?"

   "Gee. Let's see. Undercover? Is supposed to mean quiet. Under radar. Not shootouts in the city. When one happens? Dead pork isn't the thing higher ups like to deal with. A civilian getting involved in the fireworks? Another no no. Then? There's the little matter of you blowing my cover. Since you're the temporary safe house? I gave up. I was honestly getting ready to… do this anyways."

   "Anything else you fucked up at work?"

   "Well. If it'll do anything for you? I'm getting teased."

   "About what?"

   Merry imitated a guys voice.

   "Oh. You still playing damsel in distress? How sweet…"

   "Some guy out there can make fun of you and give you orders? I'm gonna buy this guy a beer."

   "Yeah. I can hardly wait to hear shit from both of you at once."

   "Honestly, I only know you told me and I believe you. Really, this is just 'some guy'. My real proof? Is that two plus two equals four again."

   "Oh, that. I'm coming out to you, honey. That's a separate Uncle Mikey lecture, but, that's my choice and he can't tell me no. I want some kind of weird home life, and… you're it. If you want it. You don't have to."

   "You make it sound like I'm adopting a cat at the shelter."

   Merry laughed into his neck.

   "Yes dear. You'd be taking in a stray. Don't worry… I'm already fixed, and I'm litter trained. Muss my hair every night, and scratch my belly… and we'll be fine."

   "I guess. If I have to…"

   "Ooh. Watch it mister. That's a good way, to get a nice… long… apology…"

   "So… what was all that talk about coming to live with me. Pillow talk, I can see that now. Playing me…"

   "No. Not really. Everyone that does what I do? Has a fantasy of 'getting out'. I wasn't kidding, I want some kind of home life for once. Been living in motels for ten years. You? Live in Pennsylvania, hun. The home and patron state of what I do for a living now. I was going to set up shop there."

   "When do I get to meet your Uncle Mikey?"

   "Couple days. You'll get to see a few things. My badge, with a piece of tape over the number. My ID with my picture. Tape over my real name. I'm out of DC and into a safe house in a state that I can have a gun in, so, I'll get my piece back."

   "There's only one thing that doesn't add up, hun."

   "What's that?"

   "The chief."

   "What about him?"

   "The FBI agents don't even know you're an FBI agent. The city cops didn't know. Why even tell the chief?"

   "Oh, that. I didn't tell the chief anything. The chief just got a few calls. All he knows? Is that I'm a… somebody. I could be a cop, but… I could also be a family relative of someone important. Or, even a criminal, with connections. Do me a favor, be nice. Extend her every courtesy. Hey, I'm in charge of your budget, do you know what would make me very happy? My friend not being able to get into trouble…"

   "Oh. Official corruption. Nice."

   "It's a system, dear. You work within it."

   "Hmm."

   "Are… we going to go in and get coffee and donuts for breakfast? Nice and early with the chief and the morning cop?"

   "Criminals always return to the scene of the crime. Thought it was just a joke. Why, may I ask?"

   "I wanna see my handiwork. I'm pretty sure, she'll have a nice, huge shiner. She? Will tell all the other wives in town about it. You should like this, dear. I'll be happy the other wives know to keep their hands off my property, and, this should make you a lot happier, too."

   "How's that?"

   "Mmm. Do you like long apologies? Cause if I get the same treatment at the diner, this is all going to happen again. But, I'm pretty sure I got my point across. To both of you."

   Merry tickled him to let him know she was kidding, and he did it back. They both had to agree to quit, laughing like little kids.

   Merry sighed.

   "So. This is what a home life is like. I like it. I guess I can see why people try to do it."

   "So. This is what it's like, living with a serial rapist. Who wouldn't want this."

   "I don't remember hearing any complaints last night. I didn't even have to threaten you to let me tie you up. How's your shoulder, by the way?"

   "Fine. You did most of the work. I was all tied up, remember?"

   "I don't know why more guys don't like it. Once the ropes come out? All you have to do is lay there, and enjoy it. You sure seemed like you had fun, by the way."

   "I feel… used."

   Merry laughed.

   "Yep. Like a fuck toy, that can blush. So… fuck toy… are we going back to sleep? Or… getting up and getting ready for breakfast. It's early yet…"

   "What were you thinking?"

   "Well, we have an hour or so. Quickie? Then… how about a nice morning jog. We… could take a quick skinny-dip and change clothes, then walk back. Then? Breakfast. I wanna make sure I got my message across. Coffee. Then? I think, I can take you to the diner, finally. We'll eat there, so, no filling up on donuts at the shop."

   "I'm losing my taste for donuts, anyways."

   "Really? Because you like eating Italian better?"

   He nodded.

   "Hmm. I'm definitely getting quick results. See? One long apology, and… you got your sweetie thing down pat…"

   "I see. Is quick results, one of those Freudian slips, for quickie?"

   "Oh, definitely."

   Merry stretched, and spread her arms and legs out slowly to do it. Then, left them all splayed out, conspicuously. Smiling her smile.

   "What's all this?"

   She wagged her head.

   "You're turn to do all the work. We got an hour or more. Don't be shy, I thought we got that out of your system last night. Or… do you want me like this… hmm?"

   She rolled over and splayed her arms and legs out.

   "You're choice… surprise me…"

   About an hour later, Panic untied her and they got dressed. They went out in the early morning slight mist, as soon as they could see their footing. They took their change of clothes in their backpacks. After jogging on the trails, they ended up at rape rock and took a cold morning swim, a quick one. After a brief check that they enjoyed the smell and taste of each other's skin after a workout.

   Merry had them stand on a small towel, and shiver holding each other.

   "Mmm. Body heat…"

   "Mmm. Hypothermia."

   Merry laughed and they played her toothpaste game while tending to their dental hygiene. While shivering.

   Back on their small standing towel, Merry finally got the big one out. They wrapped it around themselves, and slowly dried. They dressed each other slowly, and walked back to get the car.

   "Honey? Let's see if Little Robbie wants to go with us, hmm?"

   "If you want. He's an early riser no matter what."

   They picked Rob up at the main camp, and took him in for breakfast.

   "What's the plan, you two?"

   Merry smiled.

   "Coffee at the donut shop. Then breakfast at the diner."

   "Something the matter with the coffee at the diner?"

   Merry smiled.

   "No."

   "Ain't we ruining breakfast filling up on free donuts?"

   Merry giggled.

   "I just don't think that'll be an issue, what do you think honey…"

   "Merry had a little girl talk with the doughnut lady. She wants to see how it went, Rob."

   "Early morning cat-fight? Now that's what I call entertainment."

   When they went and parked near the donut shop? The morning shift was in full bloom. They were giggling standing outside. The donut girl was working the morning shift, and was getting pissed and mouthy at the chief and the morning shift cop in town. The chief? Was getting irritated and bitching back.

   "And? I told you I don't give a shit. Everyone's been watching you all but stick a doughnut on his dick every time he's in here. It's fucking obvious he ain't interested in your skinny ass. You? Genius that you are? Decided it would be fun, to piss his wife off every time she came in with him. You play stupid games? You win stupid prizes. Now, is this a doughnut shop, or a singles bar? Shut the fuck up already."

   "You're the chief! Why didn't you do anything?!?!"

   "How many times do we have to go over this. You? Are married. You wanna start trouble for fun? You got some. You know the rules… everyone gets maced, everyone gets sent home. And I'm sick of this shit. You started it? You deal with it."

   "I'm telling my husband!"

   "I don't care if you tell Santa Claus. I'll mace his jolly fat ass too. And I'm telling you right now, don't go dragging him into this. You women, all think it's cute, when you got all the husbands fighting at the club. You all stand back and smile, and give us the shits when we show up…"

   "What shits?!?!"

   The Chief imitated a girly voice.

   "Oh. The boys are fighting? Over little old me, why golly gee…"

   "Fuck you! You're an asshole!"

   "Shoes on the other foot now, eh? Not so funny, huh? I goddamn told you to knock it off, no, you don't listen. Fuck it, do it again. See what happens. I honestly don't know what anyone expects me to do. What am I, the sex police? Christ almighty, I'm not the chief, I'm more like a junior high school vice principal, dealing with a bunch of kids."

   "Asshole…"

   "You got that right."

   There was a small gaggle of women having morning coffee at another table, all giggling. The morning cop was chuckling, enjoying the show.

   Merry was smiling to Robbie, jerking a thumb at the door they were hiding outside of, listening in. Rob couldn't take it any more, and had to go in first. Merry put her hand out and had Panic wait.

   "Hold on honey, this will be funny. I mean, it's Little Robbie, you know?"

   Rob stood smiling at the counter.

   "Morning, chief. How you boys doing?"

   "Fine. Just the usual shit."

   The chief had to raise his voice to try to get Rob waited on. Doughnut girl had stomped into the back like a little kid.

   "Hey! Is anyone gonna wait on the customer…?!?!"

   She stomped back out, looking daggers at the chief. Huge shiner, still turning colors. Another day or two, and she'd look like a domestic abuse victim.

   "What do you want."

   "Nice shiner."

   "Fuck you."

   "No thanks. Three extra large coffee's, to go. Extra milk and sugar in all of them."

   When she brought the Styrofoam cups up in a little cardboard carryout container, Rob asked what happened to her.

   "Oh. Some cunt---"

   She froze when she saw Panic and Merry standing just behind Rob. Merry pretended she didn't hear and lifted her hand to her ear.

   "Excuse me? I didn't quite catch that."

   The girl fumed and practically spilled the coffee putting the carry container on the counter.

   Rob paid and yelled pleasantries to the chief and the morning cop coming on duty, taking the coffee carrier on the way out.

   "Forgot your change!"

   Rob didn't turn around on his way out…

   "Use it for a bag of ice…"

   This got a handful of small change whipped at his back, and all three of them left. Merry couldn't resist turning around to wave at her, and blew her a kiss.

   They could hear the girl fuming and stomping around, amid the chuckling coming from the chief, his cop, and the gaggle of women at the other table.

   They were all three all smiles on the way to the car.

   "Nice work, Merry! Very nice…"

   "Why thank you Robbie, I figured you'd appreciate this."

   Rob laughed…

   "Panic? Looks like you better watch out you don't get a black eye too…"

   "No. He didn't do anything. I already dealt with him over this. Him? I can handle the nice way now. Her? I ain't putting up with this shit."

   Rob and Panic laughed…

   "Okay boys. Looks like it's safe for us to hit the diner for breakfast. Now Robbie. Didn't you tell me you're single? And, that you're here a couple weeks at least, and that your girl moved out?"

   "Yep. Told her to have her shit out by the time I got home. Why?"

   "Oh. No real reason. Do you… like any of the girls at the diner? Hmm?"

   "There's a couple fuck-able there, sure. Why?"

   "Oh. No reason. Let me hit the little girls room, see if we can get you a new toy to play with. Would you like that?"

   Rob looked at Panic, who shrugged.

   "Sure."

   When they went in, a waitress put them in a corner table, and another brought out coffee for all three of them. She explained it was free, they were busy, someone will be right with them. They didn't even have a chance to think about it, before she was back and took it away.

   "Sorry. Wrong table. My mistake…"

   Panic looked at Rob, then Merry. Who was smiling, looking at the menu now.

   "Explain to him what happened, Rob. He's got that confused look on his face… all he knows, is that he has to wait for his coffee…"

   "Well, see the waitresses all tapping their thumbs on their phones, Panic?"

   "Yeah. I swear, most women spend more time texting than working."

   "Right. Wanna guess what they're all texting each other about?"

   "And how the fuck am I supposed to know this shit?"

   Rob laughed, and Merry palmed her face.

   "Draw him a picture, Rob. I suggest crayons…"

   "Panic. You saw all the deal at the donut shop this morning, right?"

   "Yeah…"

   "Did you notice the girl that brought us 'free coffee' while we wait… came right back and apologized and took it away?"

   "Yeah…"

   "They're afraid Merry will work them over if they give you any free shit, dumb-ass. By noon today? Every girl in town will know that. You're about to become invisible."

   Panic looked at Merry for clarification.

   "Good job, Little Robbie. Panic? Her eyes already swollen up like a lemon. Another couple days? It's going to get ugly when it takes color on. Right about then? Mommy might even start letting you come into town by yourself."

   The waitresses and even a couple of women were talking and pointing over at their table. Two had their cellphones out, showing it around their little knitting circle, giggling.

   Merry smiled, and put the menu down.

   "I need to go to the little girl's room. Might as well put Little Robbie on the market… watch…"

   Merry took her time getting up and fussing over her purse and her menu. She waved and smiled to the girls, and slowly walked over to the restroom. She barely made it to the door, and a waitress and a lady customer were in tow behind her. After several minutes, Merry came out, and the other two were out seconds after. Merry came back smiling to their table and sat back down.

   "Have fun, Robbie."

   "Okay."

   They ordered their food directly after. A different waitress checked up on them every time. The coffee waitress even asked Merry if her 'hubby' needed another cup. She smiled and said 'sure'… and a line of waitresses came over one by one, and seemed inordinately fascinated to be gabbing with 'Robbie'. Each one made sure if he wanted anything, to just ask. More giggle hair flips than any hair salon ever had.

   As they had a couple cups of coffee after breakfast, Rob finally picked one. Wasn't too hard, when she once again said that if he needed 'anything'… Rob just said 'you number will work'. She leaned down and told him close to his face…

   "I get off at one. I'm gonna go hiking. Would you like to go with me?"

   Rob said he would.

   After she left, Merry chuckled…

   "Last time I was here, I told the ladies I was gonna have a little girl talk with the donut skank. They said good luck with that, she never listens. The girls were also bugging me to bring them some… and I quote here… fresh meat. That? would be you, Robbie."

   Rob asked her…

   "That was last time, what just went on?"

   "Oh. They wanted to gossip about donut whore's face. I told them it was an improvement, I thought. I explained that this one here…"

   She pointed at Panic…

   "Is mine. He's my property, and he's off limits. If they don't believe me? Go get a doughnut and see what you'll get. Then? They asked about you, Little Robbie. I told them they had been asking for fresh meat brought in, have at him. Panic? Sorry hun, but, the girls will be a little nervous waiting on you, if you come in alone. Be prepared for a little wait."

   Rob chuckled.

   "Anything else?"

   "Yes. Robbie, if you notice the one you picked, was hiding one hand behind her back? That was the one with her wedding band on it. I'm pretty sure she'll lose it by, oh, about 1:00 pm? Ha. And you, my little one? Just don't let me get a bad report on you when your in town. Are we clear, doughnut boy?"

   Panic smiled.

   "Crystal."

   "Robbie? Unless you wanna wait to try to get a threesome with two married women? I guess we're done here. Enjoy your little fuck hike, dear."

   "I will, I will…"

   "You… can take a hike with me, around 1:00 pm. Unless you're busy…"

   Panic smiled…

   "I'm available."

   "No, you're not. I told the girls in there, the next one pulls this shit? It's gonna be both eyes beat shut. I ain't fucking around. Hope you like eating Italian, it's all you're gonna get from now on…"

   Rob laughed and thanked Merry for being the 'madam'… Merry made sure she kissed Panic in front of everyone, making sure they noticed, and waved at the waitresses on the way out. The one that scored a fuck hike with Rob? Waved back more friendly than the others, who none the less waved as well.

   Merry seemed inordinately happy with herself.

   After a quick bite for lunch at the main camp, the boys were all having at Rob for his noon hike. Merry asked Panic, practically yelling from one end to the other, if he wanted to go out on a nature hike, and point out some of the local wildlife. He did. This naturally initiated Panic getting the chuckles and jokes.

   After their nature hike ended predictably at a tree they both remembered fondly, the day had warmed up enough to allow them to sit naked on the giant beach towel they had spread out. Now that they were done 'scaring the animals', the local creatures were resuming their cacophony of little squeaks and peeps. Panic had to explain why the squirrel was dropping acorns down onto their heads, annoying Merry a good bit.

   "We annoyed the squirrel, hun. That's how they chase animals away so they can run from tree to tree the way they like to."

   "Well, he can fucking wait, can't he. Don't you shoot these annoying little sons of bitches?"

   Merry stood up and tried throwing shit back at the squirrel. The squirrel, well used to this game, simply moved further up into rape tree, and continued his game.

   Panic was highly amused.

   "Honey? You're not going to win this game, without a 12 gauge."

   "Watch me."

   "Hun, it's a member of the rodent family. Which means that like all rodents? He has a super high rate of metabolism, and more importantly, reaction time measured in fractions of a second. But, please keep it up. Every time you jump up, throwing acorns back at him? Your butt jiggles and your calf muscles pop out when you land. I'm about ready to start beating off, watching…"

   "When's fucking squirrel season?"

   "Another couple weeks, dear."

   "You! You better pray I'm not here for that shit, you hear me?!?!"

   Merry stood there with her hands on her hips now, and just had started bragging how she finally shut him up… when…

   "Plop!"

   Another surprisingly well aimed acorn came down and glanced off of her hair do.

   Merry crossed her arms, and started giggling.

   "You. Not a word, doughnut boy, not a fucking word."

   Another acorn bounced off of her head.

   Merry sighed and sat down again up against him.

   "Should we move? I don't like losing to a rodent…"

   "Oh. I'm still operating on not a word instructions. Now I'm allowed to speak?"

   Exasperated…

   "Yes. He's a little bastard, though. Promise me, you'll blast his nuts through his skullcap when his hairy little ass is in season."

   "Honey? We'll eat his ass, if it pleases you."

   "Ooh. Put him aside, so I know which one I'm eating."

   "Will do. Now then, you wanna know something about this situation?"

   "Sure."

   "The squirrel has the high ground. The squirrel has gravity on his side. He doesn't have to aim and throw, he just has to drop accurately. You're never going to win this, so, just ignore him. That, will make him quit."

   "Well, what if we move?"

   "Hmm. Then? The squirrel wins, you probably don't like that idea. Plus? He'll just scoot down the tree, and up the back side of the next tree we take up under. He'll do it again. Like I said? You're not going to win this game, without a 12 gauge."

   "Do… you have one?"

   "Not on me. But yes, I have one in the trunk of the car."

   "Ooh. Can we bring it next time? Please, please, please…?"

   Panic regarded her, on her hands and knees, hands in a praying position, begging and pleading.

   "Oh… that works, just trust me… problem though."

   "What?"

   "We have to wait for the season… it's illegal before then."

   "Fuck season. I wanna eat his hairy ass."

   "That? Is called poaching, dear."

   "Okay. So… we poach his ass, take his carcass home, and I'll get Skykid to poach his hairy ass for my dinner."

   "It's a felony, honey. When you poach? You try to do it quietly."

   "Quietly? A fucking 12 gauge, and we're going to be quiet with it?"

   "You know what I mean. Now, if you can promise me you can keep a secret, like I know you can? Tomorrow… I'll poach his ass, and we can take him home, and watch Bitty Kitty eat him raw. Will that satisfy your lust for his furry little nuts?"

   "Hmm. Yes."

   "Done."

   "Anything else on your mind, while we're enjoying our new home life?"

   "Hmm. It occurs to me now, we're always talking about me, and my problems. How's your case coming or going?"

   "Well. I'm here at the safe house with you. Speedy? Hasn't had an update in a little while now. I'm starting to think this devil season is going to come and go, as a spectator sport. Looking like I'm going to have to wait to put a stop to his shit."

   Merry rubbed his shoulders gently.

   "I'm sorry honey. Hey! Didn't you tell me not long ago, that you had a plan? To get shit moving on your case?"

   "I thought I did. Then…"

   "Then what?"

   "Then… you turned out to be… you know. Now I can't expect you to help me."

   "You said I gave you the idea, sort of, now why can't I help you?"

   "Well, it's like this. I need Person X, to command Person Y, to get started with thing Z. Now, you remember how good you got, with Gamma, playing with me?"

   "I remember that was the first time science girl got her butt licked, and… your phone codes? Are useless against my charms, once you get a couple drops in you. I can get anything I want outta you, by making you squeal? But, that's quicker and quieter."

   She planted her lips on his ear…

   "The Gamma way is a lot more efficient, but, I have to confess… the squealing is a lot more fun… I swear, I plum forgot about that game… I bet I could squeal the code out of you inside of two minutes flat, once I got you in my belts… the rest of the time? Would just be plain… fun, hmm?"

   "Okay. Remember your favorite asshole? My senior on my case?"

   "That's who you have to get to do the XYZ, isn't it?"

   Panic nodded.

   "Now, as fun as it would be to watch you squeal him into it? I'll admit to getting highly jealous. Plus? He might be liable to be a little bit pissed off afterwards, don't you think? Now then, my plan, was for you, to…"

   "Ooh. Gamma his ass."

   "Right."

   "Well, why can't we do that?"

   "Because you're no longer just biker girl, you're---"

   She put her hand over his mouth.

   "Shush. Or, you'll get a very long apology on that one, doughnut boy."

   She smiled all coy.

   "He ain't my senior. What do you want out of him?"

   Panic whipped his head around at her.

   "His… phone code. I'll then need his phone for… about five minutes. He can't remember both things…"

   "Hmm. I bet I could handle that. Hell, the least I could do to pay you back for all the hell I've put you through."

   "Aren't you risking your career doing it?"

   "First off? I'm pretty sure I can handle it. You get him up here? I can handle him. Late at night… party around the campfire… some drinks… piece of cake. It'll all pass for drinking, I'm sure of it. I'll just practice on you a little more, get my technique all down. If you think it'll help…"

   "Oh. I know it would help. You said first off, what's the second part?"

   "Huh? Oh… I would have to… you know."

   "No, I don't know. Tell me."

   "Silly, you know… I about tore his head off when we met in the restaurant. I'd have to… act like I was making up to him. You get it now…"

   Merry demonstrated by smiling. Laying her head on his shoulder. Playing her fingers up and down his arm.

   "Get it? You would have to just promise me, you wouldn't get jealous or mad, watching me kinda hang on him at the party, you know? I'd have to act all sheepish at first… then make up and apologize to him… then? Start telling the guy how cute he is for an older guy."

   "Oh, ugh… I wanna take a nice long apology from mommy, and I haven't even had to sit and feel my stomach turn yet."

   "Ooh. Now? You're starting to get the hang of how this rough stuff works. First, you get to watch me get you what you need… then? Later on? You… get what you want… I've been eyeing those belts up, trust me. I was kinda wondering when you'd bring it up…"

   Panic shook his head no. He didn't like the idea.

   Merry grabbed him rough by the chin, and forcibly shook his head "yes". She stuck her lips on his ear again…

   "Even if you find a better way? Why don't we still put mommy in the belts late one night. Hmm?"

   "You slut."

   Merry smiled.

   "As long as you don't bring your friends over? I don't mind. Remember. I'm a slut, not a party favor."

   "You'll be working in front of everyone."

   "After some drinks? On a late weekend party night around the fire? I could march naked Indians through the campsite, no one would notice. Plus? I'll get him drunk. When he gets confused? No one will think anything. Relax, would you?"

   Panic grabbed her suddenly and kissed her.

   "I love you…"

   "Hey! Don't… I mean…"

   "What's the matter? Your property isn't allowed to like it?"

   "What you meant to say, was that you love what I'm going to do for you…"

   "No. I love that, too. Lighten up. The hell's the matter?"

   Merry bit her lip.

   "I… well, first you were pretending we were married for the old man in the store. I was floating on air all morning already… that just squirted my panties… then…"

   "What then?"

   Merry made a sour face.

   "Then… when you had something important to talk about, and you didn't want to do it in the car? I was actually scared of what you wanted to talk about…"

   "Is this some kind of… reverse psychology game?"

   "No!"

   "Easy… easy… no throwing acorns…"

   Merry smiled and it dropped quick.

   "I'm not all hormones and giggly shit, like the other girls! You have no right to laugh at me, the first time I show a little girly side, doughnut boy. I'm warning you, you're risking an apology you'll never forget, if the next fucking words out of your mouth ain't---"

   "Shh. Honey, what the hell… first science girl wants me addicted to the taste of her skin, and her scent? Now, the first time I tell you something I thought you'd like to hear, you're cutting a fit. What's wrong, honey?"

   "I was… that night… okay! Some part of me? The part that got wet when you were pretending to be married to me that day? Well, you use your imagination, doughnut boy. I was all set to just melt, then you started hitting me from all sides about my cover. I'm warning you, I'm already pissed, you better quit while you're ahead… you---"

   The only way to shut her up he could come up with, was to grab her and kiss her. He scratched her back while he did it.

   "Shh. Merry, what's the whole point of getting your guy addicted to your body chemicals, if you cut a fit when he tells you he thinks he loves you? Merry, you asked me, why I let you drown me? If I can get into the 'Merry club', it's worth it."

   "You're already in the… Merry club, you dip. I was all set, thinking you were gonna tell me you… you know…"

   "Fucking say it. Its not a dirty word. How do you like being called slut, and I cant say I---"

   "Because I was worried you were gonna say it? Then you went off on me from all directions. I---"

   "Shh. Okay. I won't tell you I love you, if it'll piss you off. Glad I didn't say I wanted to---"

   Merry rolled over on top of him, stuck her finger in his face.

   "Fucking. Don't. No… just watch what I do next, doughnut boy. Tell me if you remember this…"

   Merry wiggled her butt, and tucked her legs in and got all comfortable. Laying her chin on her crossed arms on his chest. Smiling down in his face. She looked over, and grabbed her panties up, and wiggled them in his face, then dropped them, next to his head. Sat her chin on her arms, and smiled at him. Silent.

   "Last… fucking… warning."

   She regarded him coolly for a little while. He stayed silent.

   "Yeah. Got your full and undivided attention now, don't I?"

   He nodded.

   "Good. No more warnings. You understand that?"

   He nodded.

   "Fine. I know I put you in your… sweetie mode you're in right now. You don't have to… take it that far. I… I know you think you're being sweet, but…"

   She sat her chin on her arms, and stared at him silently.

   "Are you sure you wanna speak?"

   He nodded.

   "You're not getting a restart. This had better be fucking good. Go."

   "Merry? You asked me once. In your little motel apartment one morning. Did I want you to be all difficult and complicated? Or, did I enjoy simple… when exactly did I ask for complicated and difficult? Cause this… ain't simplicity, honey."

   Merry kept her face watch up silently, for a while.

   "All right. I'll give you that. Hmm. Keep yer mouth shut, okay?"

   He nodded.

   "Good. At least you're listening. That's something."

   He nodded. She waited for a while.

   "You're off the hook. No apology required. But, do you really think, you ought to push it? You might wanna quit while you're ahead. Think on it."

   She continued for a while.

   "All right. I'm sorry. I am being difficult and complicated. I don't mean to be. Do you accept my apology?"

   He nodded.

   She kissed him a while. When they went to switching neck attacks, he grabbed her firmly by her hair. Whispered hoarsely in her ear.

   "I mean, okay, but… that's a piss poor excuse for an apology. I think, you better start that shit over. From the top… go."

   "Ooh!… you mother---"

   Merry stopped, and her eyes narrowed. Panic was sure he was in deep shit. He held his hands up, palms forwards. Merry leaned up and sat upright. Her narrowed eyes tilted up, not at him.

   Another acorn bounced off of her hair. She blew her forehead hair up out of her eyes, clearly irked. She got upright, stepped over Panic, and started yelling up the tree…

   "Go ahead, you furry little fuck, keep it up! I'm trying to have a moment, down here! I'm warning your fuzzy little ass! One… more… mother---"

   Ka-doonk!

   Merry crossed her arms and smiled.

   "Get dressed, dear."

   "Am I---"

   "You're off the hook, he's fucking on it. Dressed. Now. Move!"

   Panic threw his clothes on, while Merry did the same.

   "Are you gonna just stand there?!?!"

   "I guess not, now that you mention it, I---"

   Merry started stalking off, muttering under her breath. Mostly profanity a drunken sailor would have been proud of, and a few words like "tree" and "squirrel" and "acorn" popped through her copious torrent of pejoratives to let him know he wasn't in the doghouse now, however, that squirrel was fucked.

   When she was done swearing and muttering, she blew her hair up out of her eyes again, and just marched back to the main camp. Everyone eyed her, she was clearly pissed. Both hands on both posed hips.

   "Raise yer hand, if you own a 12 gauge. Keep the hands up."

   All the hands of the boys went up.

   "Keep your hand up, if you have the 12 gauge within easy reach. Say, 10 seconds or less."

   Almost all the hands stayed up.

   "Keep your hand up, if you have a box of ammo, also within 10 seconds reach."

   One went down.

   "Keep your hand up, if that box of shotgun shells, is great for killing squirrels."

   Only one more hand went down.

   Merry went from her hands posed on her hips, to upturned palms…

   "Well ?!?! Don't just sit there… huh?"

   One of the guys went in the bunkhouse and handed her a pump action 12 gauge, and a box of skeet load.

   "Do you know how to---"

   Her look quieted him quickly. She popped the box open on the camping table Skykid usually reserved for gourmet concoctions of game meat, and started sliding shells up the side. With the action open, she racked the slide, and slid another one in. Closed the box and tossed it to Panic, after grabbing an extra shell in her left hand.

   She started stalking back up the trail the way she had come to them from. Without turning around, she yelled back.

   "Let's go, doughnut boy. You gonna spot that little fucker for me, or do I have to shoot the entire tree up, huh? Move!"

   Panic shrugged, and waved to the guys. One of them yelled out to her receding around the corner of the trail…

   "But, it's not squirrel season yet!"

   All the boys heard, and it was source of jokes and merriment directly thereafter for a little while… was Merry yelling back without turning around.

   "I know, I know… I'm gonna poach his ass! Right through his fucking little high metabolism, gravity using brain! That's my motherfucking tree! That's my moment! I'm not putting up with shit from a goddamned squirrel!!"

   "Does anybody know what the hell just happened?"

   "Either Merry developed a sudden interest in hunting, or, we're never going to see poor Panic, ever again."

   "Anyone think we ought to go up and see what's going on?"

   "Oh sure. Go ahead… I'm sure this will be real safe once she starts swinging the cannon around. I'm fine right here."

   Rob couldn't help his wit. It had become a thing this morning? For all the guys to go out to town, one at a time, and stop for coffee. At the doughnut shop. The fun game? Was to ask the girl at the counter how she got the shiner. They had all done it, and the last two got hot coffee thrown at them and screamed at. Which really made it all the more hysterically funny to them all.

   "Honestly? I think a squirrel must of been hitting on Panic, the way things is looking, just saying, guys…"

   Everybody stopped, looked at Rob… looked around and started collectively busting a gut. Hearing the blasts of the 12 gauge go off, one after another, everyone was laughing harder. Rob was the only one to stand up, and keep his calm. Started counting the shots off on his fingers. When it was over, everyone looked at him. One guy finally asked why he was counting, and furthermore, why was he wearing that shit eating grin?

   "You ain't got the limiting rod in it, do ya?"

   "No. Not like I'm fucking duck hunting, why?"

   "She loaded it without missing a beat, and even racked one in the chamber and topped it off. Then, she carried one in her hand… You just heard her going off on the squirrel. She tossed the last one in while shooting, can't you count?"

   They decided apparently Panic had been giving her shotgun lessons, in between whatever other lessons they had been going over, on their little nature walks. It was a "pro trick" to slap an extra round in at the right time, while working the pump action.

   After a while, the same Panic and a much more subdued Merry appeared around the corner of the trail and came into camp. Merry handed back the shotgun, action open. She smiled and said thank you. Panic handed over the box of shells. Merry and Panic sat down, and Panic went and fetched them both a cold drink can out of the nearest ice chest.

   Merry tossed a tail and the ass end and legs of the hapless squirrel on the ground in front of her. Where the "body", or more appropriately what was left of the body, ended? It was hamburger. Merry was smiling, but talking to the carcass chunk at her feet.

   "Try throwing acorns on me now, you little fucker!"

   Merry looked up and around at the guys all looking at her, talking to the carcass chunk.

   "He started it. That's my tree, and… I was having a moment… little bastard… now? You're cat food."

   Merry chugged half of her cold can of carbonated sugar water, and addressed the carcass again.

   "How do ya like me now, bitch ?"

   She chugged the rest, tossed the can towards the garbage can and didn't care if it went in or not. Burped loudly, and wiped her arm across her mouth. Blew her errant strand of hair up, and stood up. Picked up the bit of squirrel carcass by the tail, carrying it up the trail towards their cabin.

   Panic tried to explain…

   "See, we were navigating a particularly treacherous part of the conversation, and acorns started to---"

   Merry was walking normally now, not stalking, but she yelled out without turning around…

   "Let's go, doughnut boy. Get a move on! You wanna finish the conversation, or not."

   Panic smiled and waved, and trotted off to catch up with her before she got too far ahead of him. Explosive laughter consumed the camp until he was far out of earshot.