Merry - Chapter 74

   Panic awoke to the pleasant sensation of the cat stalking softly around the bed. Equally pleasant was warmth up against him, that was Merry. Her breathing sounded awake, but not really active. He rolled his head around and laid it back on the pillow. Rest was still a precious resource to him. Not nearly as bad as a month ago, but, still high on the list of favorite activities. Anyone that has been deprived of sleep for an extended period time can easily tell anyone, that it takes much longer to get it "back". Then the warmth spoke.

   "Is someone awake?"

   "Yes. Was that you prancing around on the bed? Or was it the cat… you both have such a light step, it's hard to tell."

   "Hmm. That's sweet… except I know you're teasing me."

   "Yeah, but first of all, I'm sweet. Then? I'm not teasing you about being fat, I'm teasing you for being worried about it, when you're not fat."

   "Huh. I guess that's okay."

   "You sure were texting up a storm last night. It was like I'm banging a teenybopper, instead of having an age appropriate play partner."

   "Uncle Mikey's coming in. I'm excited."

   "Anything I need to know about?"

   "Yeah…"

   "What?"

   "I don't want you thinking I'm lecturing you…"

   "Which means you're going to lecture me. Just do it. Tell me what I need to know."

   "He's not my Uncle Mike. He's just Mike, the senior FBI agent."

   "How do I play him? Rob already met him with me, at the bar scene."

   "Right. You already know him legitimately. You don't have to give him lip like before to make it look good. You, him, and Rob? Can sit around and be buddies if you want. He just can't be my uncle…"

   "Why is that again?"

   "Because. Biker bar? Uncle feeb? Really really bad idea."

   "Honey? Serious question. What if I ever… meet anyone, and… I'm unsure…"

   "Proper etiquette anytime two agents meet anywhere, at any time, day or night, no matter what? You do the standard… hey, do I know you? If they get rude and say no… back the fuck off and go with it. You could get them killed. If they're friendly and say no and introduce themselves? Well… they'll tell their new friend what their backstory is."

   "Sounds like completely normal social interaction with coworkers."

   "Now me, I'm not at risk from anyone but Mike… no one's ever met me. But regular agents? Always do it. Unless they're wearing ID openly, then it's okay. You might have thought all the agents just like wearing their IDs, and showing off? There's actually a reason."

   "You're not invisible. You went through the academy. You've been seen."

   "Have I?"

   "Yeah…"

   "Hmm. There's a lot of interviews before you actually move into the academy barracks for some people, most just go straight to the academy. I had a lot of interviews. Undercover pool workers? Are housed and do the academy courses separately. We're on audio and video almost 24 7. If we're caught sharing our real names or what state we're from? We fail. We can either re-start regular academy, or… just go home."

   "Some pervert watched and listened to all the young girls showering together?"

   "Shower and in bathroom stalls is the only place without cameras. Audio only. We never know when they're recording or listening, so…"

   "Strange life."

   "Hmm. Typical school assignments? They sic us on each other, to try to get each other to tell. Or? They instruct one of us to share fake to someone, and if they don't tell? They wash out."

   "It's not strange. It's neurotic."

   "Hun? When I finally retire… I probably need therapy…"

   "I'm sure you'll be fine, dear."

   "Well. Like I'm sane and normal in the first place anyways. Do you wanna see if they still have warm breakfast…"

   "Oh. I was gonna have a meatball hoagie and tater tots for breakfast."

   "And lunch. And dinner. Until it's all gone, aren't you…"

   "Yeah. I mostly lived alone, remember. I make food. Then I eat it. Till it's gone. Then I make something else."

   "You mind if I just watch you eat it, then I wander down and see if I can get leftover breakfast? Sky always has stuff put aside from feeding the herd…"

   "I wonder if they did slop…"

   "Now you want slop if they made it?"

   "I'm wondering what slop, on a toasted bun would be like."

   "Sounds weird. I don't know…"

   "Yeah, it does. But. Most people eat toast with breakfast. The bun, once toasted? Is Texas Toast. And of the people that want toast with breakfast? How many of those, scoop eggs and stuff onto the toast, as they eat it. It's not as big a stretch, as it would seem to be, at first blush."

   "Okay. You also got your fried egg sandwiches you always make."

   "I don't know Merry. Most people just use muffins and make it on that."

   "Make up your mind, dear."

   "Well… no matter what we decide? The cat wants a meatball."

   "How do you know that?"

   "Easy. Cat was prancing stiff legged. Not rolling on us and snuggling like most mornings. He keeps prancing around, in circles, hoping to get noticed. It's the cat food dance. The problem being? He can smell the meatballs and meat sauce in the pot, stored in the oven. Like a cat proof bank vault."

   "Are you sure?"

   "Walk even near the oven. See what happens. Soon as you take a step? Watch, he'll have his eyes on you."

   Merry took two steps, and sure enough, the cat was onto an alert stance, up and watching. She giggled and pretended not to notice, and he zipped over and started doing figure eights around her ankles, before she even got to the stove. She put a few meatballs on a Styrofoam plate and dropped it near the bed. The cat made the "arm… arm…" sound as he enjoyed his breakfast.

   "Well? While I'm here… does the other cat want meatballs and a toasted bun. Garlic bread."

   "I told you before, I'm used to cooking for myself. But, if you wanted to? Sure…"

   Panic watched his morning show. This was better than having cable in the cabin as far as he was concerned. Merry opened her robe up, and leaned over the stove-top far more times than was necessary. She bent over to "check" the oven heating up too many times as well, plowing her open robe over to show her backside as she did it. She practically stayed bent over all but watching the bread toast. She forked the garlic toast out, and put the meatballs and meat sauce and cheese and parsley on the giant hoagie bun left, and made sure everything browned but didn't burn. Another show.

   When he was eating off of the metal tray resting on the cardboard tray in bed, he asked what the "orphan meatballs" were for on the side of the tray. Merry told him she was sure he'd figure it out. The cat was done with his meatballs for breakfast, and sat looking at him eating in bed. Merry handed him the cat's Styrofoam plate to put on the bed near him, so Bitty had his own. Merry put some barely warm meat sauce over them.

   "We've spoiled him, Panic."

   "Hey, you already had him spoiled and eating on the bed when I came along."

   "I had him only interested in Styrofoam takeout containers. He's sleeping on the stove now, for Christ's sake. I think he's either guarding it, or, he doesn't wanna miss anything."

   "Yeah. He figured out pretty quick, that food comes out of it. Using the cold oven for a bank vault to guard our leftovers? Probably doesn't help any either."

   Merry started to pull clothes on, and Panic followed suit. It was still early enough Skykid still had breakfast leftovers when they arrived. Skykid had the giant griddle hot, and Merry watched him use rough curled metal in pad shapes to clean it and rinse it off.

   "Come on, Merry. You can heat up your breakfast on that side, next to me. I'm fooling around on this side. Experimenting for lunch."

   Skykid was taking really thin sliced chipped ham, and grilling it on the gigantic camp griddle. Making different little batches, with different stuff added to it. Seasoning them to see how it came out. All three of them tried the batches, and offered opinions. Merry watched him cooking with her now characteristic interest.

   "The boys have been each buying a different cold cut or cheese, in bulk. There's a shitload of chipped ham, so… I'm fooling around to figure out how to use it up before it goes bad. It was on sale. I'm gonna cook it like here, then, shred it into a big metal pot of the BBQ sauce."

   "I just put ketchup on my cooked chipped ham sandwiches."

   "I know Panic. You learned how to cook on a college hot plate."

   "We used the BBQ sauce at work for everything, but, for ham BBQ? The cooks made their own sauce."

   "That's my thing. Ham BBQ tends to have more free vegetables and even a little fruit in it. I like cooked pineapple in mine, and the sweet juice adds to everything. Regional ham BBQ tends to have tomato paste and vinegar in it, which is probably why everyone likes ketchup on chipped ham. I like Swiss and mushrooms on almost everything, a lot of people like cheddar on this."

   "Is this today's lunch?"

   "No. Just experimenting. The boys get cold cuts today. I'm gonna make the sauce tonight, after dinner, for something to do while we do the fire. It's a slow, simmered kind of thing. I don't like to just whip it up quick. We're even thinking about putting almost all the meat in we can, and then canning it. So we can pull some out whenever we want."

   "We have canning shit?"

   "We're gonna do 'oven canning'. Which is not as good as real canning? But… it will keep for weeks in the fridge. Not everyone likes to eat the same thing for three days like you do, Panic."

   Merry stuck her tongue out at Panic, and blew raspberries at him.

   "See? I told you."

   Panic made his patented "whoop dee do" face. Then laughed to let her know he was just kidding.

   "So. What are you love birds doing today?"

   "I don't know. Panic?"

   "Skykid's been wanting someone to go out and scout up mushrooms. The guys are all working and hunting. He does all the cooking. We might get 'volunteered' to do the hiking and collecting. Are you in?"

   "Yeah. We just walk around, looking for mushrooms?"

   "Basically. We're gonna follow the trails, and scout any meadows. What we're looking for, is a big cache of mushrooms no one else found yet."

   "I assume you know what you're doing, picking mushrooms."

   Skykid cut in.

   "Got a small field book. Color pictures. Take it with you. If you get some, fine. If you find more than you can carry? We'll organize a mushroom raid, and we'll all go and load up sacks."

   "What are you gonna do with that many, if it happens?"

   "Well. We'll definitely eat them fresh, at least those of us that eat the damn things. If you find any big wide ones? We'll grill them. Smaller ones, I like to use in a stew. The idea though, is to get too many? Then you can save them for all year long."

   Panic added…

   "I like them in my chili, so, I'll finally make my chili I like if we find any."

   "You said we might make his and hers chili pots."

   "We might. I'll make a pack up later today, and I'll make your pack up for you. We might stay out all night, if we end up that far out, then walk back tomorrow."

   Not much later on, they went back to the cabin and Panic made up their backpacks. They spent the entire day, fussing over the backpack's contents. Interspersed with trips back to the main camp to hang out for short periods. Some of the boys present, including Skykid and Rob, had been mushroom hunting before. Merry quickly figured out a number of things though.

   Everyone was poring over topographical maps on their laptops and phones, and everyone that had done this before, had their own opinions on exactly where were the best places to look. Everyone preferred different mushrooms as well. The east side of a meadow, the west side of a valley, above water sources or below water sources. Around these types of vegetation, no, around those types of animals… Merry smiled as Panic handled all of this. His method of handling all the wildly varying advice?

   He caught her eye, as he was sitting in the middle of a group arguing about it all. Quiet. Smiling. He winked at her and made a face. They didn't stay at the fire very long in the evening, and they went home early. They made sure everyone knew they might stay out overnight if they went out far enough, so no one would get spastic and organize a search party. They had already taken a bath earlier, and now left only to get to sleep early, then get up just before dawn and set off. When they awoke, all they had to do was get dressed and grab the stuff they had laid out.

   When they weren't home the first night, no one was particularly concerned. The second night when it was starting to get a little late around the campfire and they weren't back yet, it got talked about. The general consensus however, was that Panic was fine for any number of days in the woods by himself and knew what he was doing. Also that if one of them broke a leg or had any other emergency, they both had cell phones and Panic had a radio. The base camp had a bigger version of the little radios they all carried with them when out in the field.

   Well after dark the second night, as everyone was just talking about them being gone too long, a couple of dim lights came bouncing down the trail. They shut their headlights off and dropped big fabric sacks of mushrooms off, like animals brought back from a hunting trip. Skykid was excited at how many and several of the types… but mildly concerned about the two days carrying the earliest ones picked.

   "Not a problem, Sky. I set way points on my phone map on the way out. This not only allowed us to get back, but, also located all the mushroom patches we located on the way out. On the way back, we just hustled along the dashed line, and, any dots off the trail line? Were the mushroom locations. There's some really big fairy rings out there, once you find the edge of one."

   Panic gently bragged about Merry being able to hike long distances as long as they moved slowly and steadily, and that she ate deer jerky and MRE rations without complaining. Merry claimed to actually "sort of like" Panic's lightweight two man giant field hammock, that had a plastic rain roof and mosquito netting they zipped into.

   When asked if she would do it again, Merry said definitely yes, just not "tomorrow". They both stayed up late with everyone talking about their little trip, and Merry seemed to have great fun talking about it. When asked if there was anything she didn't like about the trip?

   "Honey? Tell them about the coyotes…"

   "Oh, yeah. You ever been out overnight, and, the coyotes get pissed and do that thing where they circle you, and take turns making noise at you all night for being in their territory?"

   Everyone agreed it was disconcerting the first time it happened to them, particularly if they didn't know what was going on beforehand… because when doing this, the coyotes will circle quite close to where you're sleeping at.

   "Well, this is going on. I honestly can't blame her for not liking it, she never had to deal with this shit before. Hell I remember my first time? I didn't know what was bothering me and coming around my camp. Anyways, after I explained to her what was going on, she calmed down. But, it's hard to go to sleep with all that periodic noise, right? I broke out headphones for the two of us. I plugged both our earphone buds into a radio."

   "She didn't mind the little bastards walking right around camp?"

   "She was perfectly okay with it, once I explained the coyotes were keeping all the bears away from us. Then, once we had headphones on? We fell asleep listening to talk radio all night. I kind of turned the coyotes into my night time guards."

   They stayed up as late as everyone else did, and had a couple glasses of wine. Merry liked the walking sticks they had made out of saplings the night they camped. Merry and Panic even turned down food, which didn't seem right to several of the guys. Merry told Panic to explain the walking food.

   "Everyone carries candy and shit like that, for constant snacks while walking. I don't. I carry dry instant rice, and dry beans. While I'm walking all day, I'm constantly having a handful of either the rice or the beans. She didn't want any, but, seeing me into it all day got her curious. After walking a couple hours, she got hooked on it."

   "How the hell do you eat dry rice and dry beans without cooking it?"

   "I admit it sounds stupid, but, you just put a little in your mouth and let it get wet. Then? You slowly get it crunched up. The trick is, you don't chomp it, you just gnaw on it slowly. I can carry a decent size bag of rice and beans for days. Plus I had a couple pounds of deer jerky. I have a handful of rice, then a handful of beans, then a chunk of jerky. The rice turns into sugar a lot slower and more even than candy. So you don't get the high and crash from candy. The beans are all protein, and the deer jerky? Tastes good and it keeps you salted. You never run out of electrolytes, between the constant sugar and salt."

   Merry explained she was surprised she wasn't more hungry when it was time to actually stop and eat.

   "And, since I have decent sized bags of rice and beans? Breakfast and lunch are beans and rice, with some salt and sugar boiled in water. Then when I make the MRE dinners? I add beans and rice to the main dishes to fluff them out more."

   Some of the guys were curious about his hiking system.

   "How much does the… hammock tent weigh?"

   "That's the beauty of it. Next to nothing, and it rolls up into the tiniest little ball. Almost no weight, very little room in a pack. We're just using daypacks, and there's enough room left over for all kinds of stuff."

   "But if it rains…"

   "I have those fits in your pocket instant ponchos for walking, and, the hammock has a plastic roof, doesn't weigh dick and the mosquito netting? No bugs. You just tie the ends of the hammock to two trees, and a string you do the same thing with, holds the roof up."

   "What do you do in winter?"

   "Same thing, except I tie a really good sleeping bag to the top of the pack. Remember, these are tiny day packs. A real hiking backpack? Has way more room. My cooking and eating gear is one of those little army fold up deals. A really thin little aluminum pot with a handle is all I need on top of that. Instant rice, dry beans, oatmeal, sugar and salt. I squash many loaves of cheap white bread down to a solid block. If it gets stale before I get more? It's okay added to the dry food in boiling water. Doesn't weigh anything, and squashed down it takes up no room."

   "I have one of those collapsible fishing rods. Usually carry my 22 revolver, too. You'd be surprised when you take a day off to fish, and get bored? A handful of beans let's you get the occasional rabbit or squirrel. Fish, squirrel, rabbit? Goes in the cooking pot if you get some. As long as it's not winter, I can also get roots and stuff to add to the food. I can do a couple hundred miles a month, easy, if the terrain isn't that bad. Now… if I had her with me? That's another pack. All she'd have to carry? Extra bags of the dry food, and her winter sleeping bag. We'd be set pretty good."

   "What do you do for clothes?"

   "I wear my clothes, and I carry an extra set. I wash the extra set I'm not wearing, and change out. Keeps the weight down. Dry them over the little fire every night before bed. If it isn't winter? I just hang the clothes off the pack to dry while walking. The only thing I need extras of? Socks. Damn things wear out walking."

   Merry cut in.

   "Panic? I'm sore as hell. How about you?"

   "Oh yeah. I think we did decent mileage, but, all the running around to check everywhere? Really added it up extra. Picking the whole way back didn't do us any favors either. Not to mention? Most of it was up and down hills. When I brag I can walk ten miles like it's nothing? I'm talking flat, I'm talking not carrying anything. I didn't really know how you felt? I'm sore too."

   "Well… if we're sore now, imagine tomorrow morning."

   Everyone laughed.

   "I'm trying not to think about tomorrow morning."

   They had already dropped their packs off at the cabin since they went right past it on the way in to the main camp. They walked slowly home to their little cabin a short time later. They undressed each other, because Panic explained they had to check each other for ticks. None were found, but it didn't pay to let one go as annoying as they can be. As they laid down, Panic chuckled out…

   "At least we took a dip in a creek today on the way back. Now we can let a bath go till tomorrow. Merry… will you be offended if I didn't exactly want to ravish you tonight?"

   Merry laughed.

   "I'll let it slide, just this once."

   Panic laughed more.

   "Thanks."

   Merry made a grunt as she moved around, trying to find just the right way to lay, such that all the little aches and pains were at their minimum level of intensity; it was a losing battle, and Panic was losing the same battle as well. Merry spoke because she couldn't sleep yet.

   "Panic? Now that me and Mike and our thing is all set, you're going to concentrate on you and Speedy's thing, right?"

   "Yeah. Why, what's the matter… you gonna miss being the center of attention or something?"

   Merry giggled.

   "Actually, I'll be kind of happy to get back to business as normal. I'm supposed to be like one of those tiny gears in a clock, between all the big gears? The one you don't notice, but right in the middle of everything."

   "Is that how you and Mike think of it all?"

   "One way."

   "Hmm."

   "I can't sleep yet. It's gonna take me a little while to get comfortable. You?"

   "I guess I'm the same. What do you wanna talk about?"

   "I don't know. Something nice for a change. How about… how we're going to live here. What the cabin you make will look like, maybe."

   "Merry? We both made a tactical error. Something we didn't see coming."

   "What's that…"

   "We'll be here when everything's over. For a while, a long time maybe, but… it's not forever."

   "What do you mean?"

   "You and Mike. The long operation. A year, five years, ten years… but, it ends sometime. At some point, it has an end. Yes?"

   "Naturally. My career ends with it. Then? I'll be free. What's wrong? What am I missing…"

   "You said when you retire, you go back to using your own name. You can take me to meet your family. We can walk around your home town, and I can see where you grew up. You can't possibly do that living here…"

   "I actually thought about that a little bit. When we were hiking."

   "What did you come up with?"

   "I could just live as Merry. I've been doing it for so long already."

   "But… why give up a good pension, medical benefits, whatever else goes along with it. What was the point of having a career then?"

   "Honey? I still have a name. I don't use it, but, it's still there. My paychecks still go there. My retirement checks would just go there. The only difference would be, I could actually use it."

   "But, you'd never…"

   "Never what? As long as I pay the yearly fee on Merry's drivers license. Sign her name when I pay my taxes. I could use Merry as long as I wanted to. Hell, they could put her name on my tombstone, I suppose. Maybe that's more security than disappearing."

   "Are you allowed to do that?"

   "Hmm. Funny for you to be the one asking me that, hun. I dug around on my laptop, on my websites. We're a federal agency you know, there's shit-loads of rule-books and rules and… I can't find a single mention of it. Not even sure Mike would know. The system invents a name and a social security number and a set of records when they invent an identity like me. Honestly? I think the identity just goes into limbo when we change identity or retire."

   "But… the FBI knows…"

   "Honey, the system is designed so no one can look it up and find it. It's made to be a real person. When I retire, Mike just quits watching Merry on the computer. I honestly don't think Mike… the system… anyone, really… would notice if I quietly just kept being myself."

   "So… we have options."

   "We have options. So, if you wanna build a bigger cabin, or, whatever it is you have planned? You can."

   "What made you think about all this again?"

   "You. Remember when we were driving up here, after you got shot? I remember feeling bad when I finally noticed you needed to quit driving. I was thinking of myself until then. This? Same thing. I quit thinking of me and what I'll do… and I started thinking about you and us, instead."

   "What about me and us…"

   "This range. You taking care of the range and the property. You wanna have a gun shop or something. The boys? Want you to be the one to always be here, to keep things going. The greens-keeper, I think you called it… it's not fair to ask you to give all that up. That's your dream retirement, isn't it? What you would do for fun, on vacation… so it's like you're not even working."

   "That all just sort of happened. I didn't plan it. It was like I bought a one dollar scratch off? And it was a winner."

   "Why would you burn your scratch off ticket, if it was a winner. Not very logical, is it?"

   "That was before I found out I could be in the Merry Club. That was before Operation Merry happened. Which, by the way… Rob has been joking I shouldn't call it Operation Merry… Rob says it's more like Hurricane Merry."

   "That's kind of funny…"

   "It is funny, but… he has a list…"

   "A list of what? My deficiencies, I guess… let me guess, right at the top? My big ass feet…"

   "Funny, but no. More like… you started out all fun. Then bang, assassination attempt in my sleep. I got shot in the shoulder, not to mention the fact that it wasn't a regular criminal? No, had to be a dirty FBI agent I plugged. Then, the running and hiding. Then… well… as Rob put it, because he grew up on a farm that had pigs. Stacking up dead pigs like we're taking the meat to market. So? Hurricane Merry blew in."

   "Rob doesn't like me then. I understand where he's coming from."

   "No, Rob likes you just fine. He thinks you're great… it's the whole hurricane following you around that has him on edge. Rob's… how do I put this? He's… worried about me."

   "Did he have anything good to say about me?"

   Panic laughed.

   "Yeah…"

   "Well?"

   "Rob thought for sure you were going to lose your shit, and bolt and run that night. Then, not only did you hold your flank… well… when we came back over when we were done rounding up stragglers? You were dead checking the pile, and making sure. He was impressed. He didn't think you'd have it in you. Can't really blame him. He doesn't know your whole story."

   "What about you…"

   "Aw, you know how I feel."

   "How's that…"

   "Well, I like Bitty Kitty… you? You're part of the package deal, so…"

   Merry giggled first, then they both laughed together. Merry recovered first from the fit.

   "Come on, stop it. I'm too sore to smack you…"

   "Good, I'm too sore to hit you back. We're even."

   "So, I'm more trouble than I'm worth, huh."

   "Nope. I told you before. I want something? That's that. I don't care what I have to do, I don't care what it costs. Once I have something? Nothing better come and threaten it."

   "Because I'm your cat."

   "Yep."

   "Pretty sure most women would be insulted, but, I know what you mean."

   "Really?"

   "Yes. You've explained it a bunch of times. You treating me like your cat? Is the highest honor you can bestow on another human being. I'm honored."

   "Hmm. Good then… now? If I can just get you to wear cat ears when we do it…"

   Merry laughed at the out of nowhere joke.

   "Cat ears?"

   "Yeah. Seen it on the internet. You know those… anime cartoon girls? Seen a couple where the girl wears cat ears."

   "I thought you were gonna put a Christmas hat with a bell on it and dress me up like a naughty elf, and a cat collar with a bell on it or something…"

   "That's for the holidays. Around Halloween? Cat collar… cat ears… maybe whiskers… a tail…"

   Merry chuckled.

   "I do anything else, I might as well dress up like a cat for you if you want, I don't care."

   "And I get to pee on you? Boy cats pee on stuff, you know…"

   Merry laughed.

   "Only in the shower, dear. Only in the shower."

   "See, you gotta a loosen up a little, and quit being such a puritanical prude, honey, I mean honestly…"

   "Now you want me loosened up? I thought you liked my rubber band twat…"

   "Oh, I do, trust me… it makes up for your big ass feet…"

   "Come on, it hurts to laugh… stop it already…"

   "Here I am. Dating Sasquatch…"

   "Ow. Don't make me laugh that hard, I'm serious…"

   "All right. I'm sore too."

   Merry sighed with good nature.

   "All right. If comedy hour is over, maybe I can get to sleep."

   "Me too…"

   There was a pause.

   "Good night, honey. And thanks for taking me hiking. To replace racquetball…"

   "Sure thing. Good night, Hurricane Merry."

   "Ow, you promised… come on, quit making me laugh."

   "All right. We have to walk a little bit tomorrow. Nothing major. Just a little bit. We don't wanna freeze up all stiff and sore."

   "Honey?"

   "Are you talking in your sleep again?"

   "No. I'm just wondering about Skykid."

   "What about him? Great cook… makes great wine… I couldn't replace him, you know."

   "Yeah, I noticed he shows me how he cooks anything he's making when I'm around. What does he think of me?"

   "Sky's just afraid I'm going to starve to death this winter, that's all…"

   "Funny. Seriously though."

   "Eh. When Rob whines? He always sticks up for you. They had it coming anyways, that's getting to be his tag line these days."

   "Aw. That's sweet."

   "Yeah. He's a really nice guy. He makes it easy to like him."

   "He does. Is he…"

   "Gay? No. He's french, not gay. There's a difference."

   "No. I mean… he's not like you and Rob, is he?"

   "No. He's not. Rob's an asshole, and I'm half an asshole. Skykid? Nice guy, through and through."

   "You know that's not what I mean…"

   "You mean, does he do playtime?"

   "Yeah."

   Panic sighed.

   "All right. Off the record, and by that I mean… if you have haunted twat rules? Then I get haunted dick rules."

   "Sure."

   "I know it's easy to be fooled by his happy French gourmet routine, and he likes it like that. That's his business."

   "Honey? Get the dick out of your mouth…"

   "How to put this. It comes as no surprise, I'm sure, that Rob's… thermostat? Is maybe set about 5 or 10 degrees colder than yours is, if you take my meaning there."

   "Yeah…"

   "Okay. Then me, you know my story… I have my light switch…"

   "Yeah… we're talking about Sky, not you and Rob. I already know you two need adult supervision."

   "Skykid's no cherry. Don't be fooled."

   "I thought he was an electrician. Like you were supposed to be the computer, radio, and electronics guy."

   "He was. Remember when I first suggested that when I wasn't using the radio, might as well shoot back?"

   "Yeah. You tap danced around. Like a criminal getting used to the idea of owning up to it all, in an interview."

   "When he's not climbing a tree to put up an antenna for communications, when he's not working with big power lines? He doesn't run and hide when the shit hits the fan. He's not a cherry. Why are we talking about this, anyways…"

   "He was kinda, like a little kid that didn't get to go to summer camp, when he found out you and Rob went on the gunsmith trip. He wanted to go along."

   "Yeah. That's Sky. Look… everyone has their own thing. If you can picture it… you can teach a lot of people, to use a rifle. Some of them? You can get them using a handgun effectively. The better you are at it, the closer you can get to your prey. Me and Rob? We get up close and personal. Skykid, he stops at handgun distance. That does not mean he's not dangerous. He is. He just does things differently than me and Rob do it. He can do things me and Rob can't do."

   "Really?"

   "Yeah. I'm sure you noticed, he's not the world's biggest guy, right? Well… there's things a little guy can do that a big guy can't do very well."

   "Like what?"

   "Well, for one thing. He's the guy that's good at getting up telephone poles. Where he can work on high tension electrical lines. He can shimmy up any tree, any pole, any tower. I mean, he climbs like a goddamned monkey. It's scary to watch him climb a light pole to steal electrical and hook it up, in the field. He doesn't need a rope and a harness, he just free climbs if he has to."

   "Christ…"

   "Yeah. He'll climb up a cliff that looks like there's no way up? And attach a rope so everyone else can get up too. Saved us a ton of time. Normally someone has to go around and scout a way up, then attach the rope and let it down. He just goes right up. Also? You should see him run. It's like a bolt of lightning across a field. For a short distance? No one can catch him. And running through the underbrush or in the woods? It's like trying to catch a fucking deer, I swear."

   "You guys used him as bait, didn't you. Tell me I'm wrong."

   "Not bait. It's called running the rabbit. He's the rabbit, he gets them to follow him and chase him. He leads them into an ambush. Or? He leads them into the thick stuff, then he gets away and circles back around to cut them off. They think there's more coming up behind them now. He can scatter a group of men who think they're chasing him like that."

   "He's the little friendly one in the group, and he's dangerous as hell too."

   "In his own way? Very. Look, Rob has a way of putting things. A lot of people like to say… oh, I'm a peaceful person. It's usually not very accurate. To be peaceful? You have to be capable of great violence. Because if you don't have the ability to be violent? You're not peaceful… you're just harmless. Make no mistake about it, Skykid isn't harmless. He's just very peaceful."

   "Not a bad thing at all. And like you said, he's really easy to be around."

   "He is. He has his demons though, we all do."

   "Demons?"

   "Something in your past. Something that drives you. Me? Well, you know my story. Rob? Really religious. He went on the peace corps thing. Saw that you can only try to help villagers so much, and… here come the monsters. He came back, pissed off… and since he was a kickboxing champ and a hunter anyways? Well… went and joined the Marines, and ended up going Force Recon and becoming a Scout Sniper. Like Rob says… he can protect his flock better that way."

   "And Skykid?"

   "He had a little sister growing up. They were close, like you can imagine. She started dating some asshole, and… they were out late one night, boyfriend was piss drunk coming home from a party late… bad car wreck. Boyfriend more or less died on impact."

   "And the sister?"

   "She would have lived. But, her legs were mangled up and she was trapped. She burned alive, before anyone arrived on the scene. He was golfing with his dad, and going to Voc Tech to be an electrician… he joined the Air Force after high school, to get away."

   "Why does something tell me that's not the end of the story…"

   "Eh. He was like me, a guy coming out of the Air Force. I wanted to do the computer radio, they needed a high wire electrician, too. One time though… we were getting chased. It was Skykid's idea… we found an old crop sprayer? We filled it up with diesel, and sprayed a whole field with diesel. Quit running. When they came across the field to get us? Skykid laughed like a lunatic and shot a flare gun at them. He stood and watched them cook alive. Never said a fucking word. He just watched… and remember… Rob has a low thermostat, and I have my light switch… he doesn't. He's a normal guy."

   "Holy shit…"

   "You have to understand, Merry. I told you, at that time? We were still going through villages after the fact. Documenting what had happened. We were starting to find… well… they weren't happy with all the other shit they were doing to the innocent villagers… they had started setting people on fire. I guess, it really set him the fuck off when we found young girls that had been burned in the middle of the village."

   "You mean…"

   "Yeah. They hadn't been shot or stabbed first. I told you, Merry… even if you're not… like that, when you go down there? You get like that. Human beings can be horrible, I grant you that, but… what's wrong with just shooting the people you don't like, like normal civilized people do it. What's wrong with just chopping their heads off like the French revolution. No, these assholes weren't happy until they were getting drunk, and setting young girls on fire."

   "Is there any hope for the human race?"

   "I hope not. You go to the wrong place on this planet? You'll wanna just turn the planet back over to the animals, and call it a day. Shit like that, they were doing down there? First, it shocks you. Then, you have to get used to it. Then… you either snap, or, you end up getting right down to their level."

   Merry was quiet for a minute.

   "And, all because some… rich French asshole, wanted his stupid coal and gas rights."

   "Yeah. When Rob found that out? Well… didn't take much more to convince Skykid, it was time to go. I was already following Rob's lead. We finished that tour, and… we made a pact. Come home and live the good life. The quiet life."

   Merry was quiet again.

   "I'm… sorry. That I ruined your quiet life."

   Panic laughed.

   "No Merry, you didn't do it. I did it to myself. I had to keep fooling around, and figured out the devil was loose here in my homeland. I wanted to get him. Got Speedy in on it. No… I did it to myself. You know, a few serial killers here and there, a few drug gangs aside? I had myself convinced, at least I live in the civilized world, you know? We just shoot and stab each other once in a while. Nothing major. Now? I wonder how many more big cities have… gangs of cops like DC had a problem with. We're not so civilized. Not like we think we are. The DC bad apples? Just home grown zombies, that's all they are. Same thing."

   "Are you gonna be okay to go to sleep?"

   "Sure. I got over this a long time ago. Trust me. I don't like it, but… it just is."

   Merry laughed a little bit.

   "What's so funny, hun…"

   "Ah. Your sense of humor is rubbing off on me. I was just thinking… if Skykid would have set the cops on fire up behind the bar? Well… pig roast…"

   Panic chuckled.

   "You. Have been around me way too long, dear. And for the record, or, I should say for off the record… Skykid's idea, was to set up a sprinkler system on the hill out back. Then? Well… you get the idea. Sprinkler comes on, and sprays diesel instead of water. A flare gun. Poof. Dirty pig flambe."

   "Hmm. They wanted to kill a waitress, so, they were fair game to him."

   "Yeah."

   "Well. That would have worked. Less risk of any of us getting hurt, too. Wasn't a bad idea."

   "Me and Rob, we were thinking maybe explosives, but… too much noise. Skykid's fire sprinkler idea? Big fire attracts too much attention. Plus? Don't wanna set the whole state game-lands on fire, you know. No, we went the right way, I guess."

   "Honey? I was making a joke."

   "Oh. Well… self defense? Has no limits. You can kill to save your own life, any way you can get it done."

   They were quiet for a while… then Panic couldn't help himself, giggling…

   "You had to say it, didn't you. Pig roast…"

   "Don't worry. I won't ever mention it around Skykid. Or say anything about his sister. Poor guy."

   "Whatever it was, that the three of us were running towards, or running away from? It's like we found it or got away from it. I wanted what I wanted, ended up finding more of it that I ever bargained for. Rob? Tried to get ready to be a missionary… then he joined the Marines to try to help. Skykid? He's okay. Nice wife, kids, a little farm. We all have good jobs, except me, but… I don't care about that shit. We might not all be harmless, but, we're peaceful as all holy hell, given the chance."

   "Try to get some sleep, honey. We got a few days till everyone starts getting here. You should be pretty happy. I bet Speedy's pretty happy already, and it's just gonna get even better for him soon. Remember Mike? Taking over the case?"

   "Yeah. When I text and talk to Speedy, he's all excited talking about the new sheriff in town. I can't wait till he figures out he gets to advise the sheriff, and get whatever he wants. He won't know whether to shit or go blind."

   "Mike said he likes Speedy."

   "Yeah. He's a likable guy. He's not… difficult like me and Rob can get, and he's a lot more like Skykid. Hey Merry, stupid question?"

   "If it gets me to sleep? Sure…"

   "Senior Agent. Mike's taking over the case. What happens to him? Is he gonna think he got in trouble or whatever?"

   "No honey. It's normal when a case goes great, then stalls? To try different leadership. Your Senior, was the teacher's pet of one of the assistant directors. He gets to do whatever he wants, and it always gets signed off on. He doesn't know it, but, now you and Speedy are going to get to be teacher's pet, see how it goes. Senior? Won't know what you don't tell him. Mikey has a reputation of coming in, looking around, and getting stuff moving. Remember honey, you kicked his eavesdropping operation? Into high gear. You saved his favorite asset. Moi. And Uncle Mike isn't stupid… he suspects you helped more than you let on, too."

   "Well. That's not working out bad then."

   "Uncle Mike? Said you scratched his back with both hands a couple times. His words, not mine. He's trying to scratch you and Speedy back. Return the favor as best he can. I don't even know what your case is yet, but, I fed him your… assessment of what you thought was going on. He agreed with it. Uncle Mike is more like you and Speedy. He just wants to get the job done, and if it can get done in one year instead of two? Uncle Mike isn't interested in running the score card up. Wasting money and manpower across the whole department to make it more fun for Senior."

   "Wow. A man after my own heart."

   "Makes sense, honey. Uncle Mike? Came from military intelligence. He talks similar to how you talk. He wants to achieve an objective. He's not trying to fluff his scorecard up. Just remember… he's not Uncle Mike, he's just Mike. He'll ask you and Speedy, in private, to bring him up to speed on your case. He'll ask what you two recommend. If the case gets solved? Senior Agent still looks good, he still managed the big case. In sports terms… you have the owner's ear, and the owner will instruct the coach what changes the owner thinks he wants. The coach? Won't know one of his players is making the calls."

   "Your Uncle Mikey, he swings a mean dick around the office, doesn't he?"

   "Mike has a reputation? For getting the job done, and solving problems. He always did. But… managing the DC shit-storm? Which is what everyone calls it in the office, by the way… everyone thought he was volunteering to take one for the team. He pulled it off, so, he's the golden boy right now."

   "He's burning his capital, to help me and Speedy out?"

   "He wants to scratch your back, definitely, but… way he put it to me? He said the case is solid, it's just stuck. If it stays stuck? He doesn't look any worse. But, if he gets it unstuck and moving? Maybe it gets solved on his watch? He looks extra good. He said, he has everything to gain, and nothing to lose. Plus, he gets to help the guy that helped his niece out of a jam, twice. The brass already has him stage-coaching the DC cleanup trials. Uncle Mike's next promotion, if he ever gets it… is an assistant director's spot. He's been eating lunch lately with the assistant directors and the director himself a few times… so, it's looking really good for him."

   "What happens to you, if he moves up? What if some sch-long starts running you."

   "Oh, I'd retire early in two seconds. I'm not having some numb-nuts give me orders in the field, might get me killed trying to make himself look good. Fuck that shit. I was born at night, but… it wasn't last night, I'll tell you that much. Uncle Mike promised me, that if it happened? He'd let the other stuff go, but keep me and this last operation. We're generating too much intelligence for the files to let it get fucked up. Later on down the road, after I retire? This will all bear fruit, trust me. Me and you? We'll wake up one day, and just see it on the news."

   "I hope me and Speedy know what we're doing."

   "You and Speedy? Don't know how it's supposed to be done, and Uncle Mike likes that. Now, just one more thing, and it's pretty important…"

   "Yes dear?"

   "Sleepy-time… mommy told you a good bedtime story, to make you feel better… so go to sleep, honey."

   Merry rolled over and winced, and got nestled in as close to him as she dared while trying like hell not to make either of them uncomfortable, as sore as they were. As Panic's eyes were closing and he was giving over quicker and quicker to some random dream image his subconscious mind conjured up, he was aware of little more than that there was a pleasant warm thing near and up against him. Panic would often attempt to fight sleep coming on, and it usually put him to sleep quicker. He pried his heavily weighted eyes open to little slits, and the cat was up against one side of him. He began to fall deeper into the dream image and his eyelids all but had leaden weights on them. He jacked the lids a crack, and the warm thing was Merry. Unable to open them at all as he lost the final lid battle, both warm things were there on either side of him.

   They were both asleep before they knew it.