Range - Chapter 36

   By the time tacos were ready, it was just before dark. There was a small rotating conga line to the big metal tray of seasoned meat sitting next to the tray of toppings. Skykid liked taco night because after all his work was done, all he had to do was watch the Sterno burner under the meat for replacement when it's mild warming heat played out, and replacing the occasional topping if it ran low.

   The boys always arranged themselves into seemingly assigned seats, which were much like squads they all segregated themselves into for most activities. Panic tended to sit with Rob and Skykid and whoever was with any of them; Merry was now in his food squad.

   Merry had been either gifted or loaned a fairly inexpensive flannel padded nylon holster to carry or practice carrying her faux 45 BB-gun in. Merry was trying different carrying positions different men suggested, who often showed their own as "proof" that was where it "belonged".

   When Merry couldn't decide which she preferred, Panic smiled and explained where and how exactly you carried your gun was a highly personal thing. The small of her back, for her right strong hand. Not bad, but sitting in a chair was a pain in the lower back and uncomfortable. Inside the front of the stomach was great for standing and walking, horrible for sitting and bending over. Behind her strong right hip? A little less comfortable to draw and holster; in front of the same hip great to draw and holster just not too good for sitting. Just for camping, she decided on the middle of her strong right hip was fine, but it stuck out like a sore thumb and "flapped" something terrible and annoyed her.

   It wasn't too long after dark when Merry picked her head up and swiveled it around. She cocked her head at Panic, who caught her eyes and started swiveling his head around as well. He cupped his ears and used them like audio radar and pronounced it for her.

   "Loud bikes. Near the east entrance to the property, which is where GPS brings everyone that doesn't know about the west drive. Those will be your buddies, hun. Rob should be getting a cell phone call… right… about…"

   Rob's phone went off, and he was only on it for a few seconds. He quickly hung up and announced…

   "Okay boys. We all talked about this. We have company, for one night. Let's all be on our best behavior. Remember… polite VIP treatment. Remember, Speedy and Panic put this thing together. They need this to go smooth."

   Everyone nodded or verbally said okay. Some both. Merry and Panic went off and by the time they reached their own little cabin, the big loud bikes were getting idled, gunned, then the ignition switches all but cut off in unison.

   They were a Frick and Frack pair. A huge guy and a regular sized guy smaller than Panic. If Panic didn't already know they were outlaw bikers, he wouldn't have guessed it from their appearance. They would have fit in at any blue collar bar without standing out.

   Once they were off the bikes and had stowed them behind the cabin, with chunks of two by eight keeping the kickstands from digging into the dirt and pitching over, they came and stood in front of the cabin with the two of them.

   "Merry? When we got a report there was a fucking chalk outline in your apartment…"

   They both went in for the hug. Merry hugged the big guy for a few seconds warmly. Clapped her hand on his big leather jacketed shoulder a few times to punctuate it. Repeated it with the smaller guy.

   "You sure you're okay?"

   Merry nodded.

   "I'd be roadkill, if Panic wasn't staying over that night."

   They both approached Panic next. No hugs, but… the handshake was firm and warm and lengthy from each of them. The big guy spoke, with somber eye contact. His cohort just nodded slowly.

   "Thanks. Good looking out."

   Merry made the necessary introductions.

   "Panic? You already met Buzz here. This is his friend. They call him Cub. I'm sure you remember Grizz from last time… this is his best friend."

   "I was thinking Grizz was for the beard… now, I'm thinking Grizzly bear. Which makes you… his bear cub?"

   The guy smiled a little and nodded.

   Buzzy looked around.

   "We alone?"

   "Yeah."

   Buzzy produced a small plastic bag from inside his backpack on his bike's sissy bar. Tossed it to Merry. Merry found her two eyedrop bottles and her T shirt she had requested get retrieved for her. She held it up as if trying to see how a potential purchase at the store would look on her, and smiled at Panic.

   "How do I look, honey? I'll be wearing this tomorrow."

   "I don't care if you wear a potato sack, little one."

   Merry asked if the guys wanted to take a nap from the long drive, or did they want to hit the campfire for taco night. The guys nodded yes for taco night. Merry looked questioningly at Panic, who shrugged back to say "sure". Merry put her T shirt away after carefully rolling up the eye-drop bottles inside it slowly, and stowed it away in it's protective but ignominious plastic bag.

   "A little something for everyone's appetite?"

   Merry waved around a perfectly formed and uniformly cylindrical unfiltered cigarette, that everyone knew wasn't. After the festivities, all four of them walked back to the campfire and the boys and the food. The guys quizzed Panic on how his shoulder was doing, and he played it off, explaining he just got grazed and had gotten lucky. Merry gently reminded her friends that no one really knew about the shootout, not to mention it. She also gently reminded them about blending in, and not taking any offense to being around a few off duty cops "no matter what".

   "Merry? It's all good. This isn't the first time we ever pretended to be regular citizens and played nice. We'll be fine."

   "Thanks, guys. I appreciate it."

   Initially, Panic had thought having the outlaw bikers around the present and former cops and military would be a less than stellar idea. Such fears proved completely unfounded as the evening progressed, which in no small fashion surprised him. The bikers were initially paragons of the strong silent types. It didn't take long for the initial meal to be done with, and the small talk around the fire to ensue.

   The giant newcomer with the long beard proclaiming the nickname Buzz proved to be more than amiable in his social interactions with everyone, as did his friend of noticeably smaller stature. Big Buzzy proclaimed himself to be a mechanic, working mainly on motorcycles. A couple of the boys that enjoyed the feel of wrenches and sockets in their hands traded mechanical stories with him.

   He was obviously an actual bike mechanic; he knew far too much about the trade for it to be a lie. Panic already knew how it goes for anyone claiming to be mechanical when they get together with other men who also proclaimed themselves to be mechanically inclined. One man starts a story about a problem engine, describing what the engine does and more importantly does not do.

   The best mechanical tales involved mechanical intrigue. You naturally thought initially it was common problem X. Yet, why wasn't condition Y present or askew under test? Jokes and laughter from all the tests and tribulations underwent are related, until finally every man in the mechanical conversation has to give his opinion.

   As if a whodunnit Agatha Christie would have been proud of, the storyteller is required to finish with a flourish. A surprise ending. It was all in actuality condition Z! Test A, test B, test C… all indicated various clues that led to the final solution of the problem engine. Which now ran soundly. Because finally, the underlying problem had been properly addressed, and not just covered over and endured by applying standard remedies that partially masked the true problem.

   Grizz was adept at these mechanical whodunnits, and the other amateur mechanics enjoyed his mechanical conversations. Cub was a roofer for his part. Roofers don't have whodunnits, they tend to relate how they got into the trade. How hard the initial work simply carrying the heavy shingle bundles really is. What it takes to get used to walking around on the roof without fear.

   The end of any roofer's initial tale of his progression up the through the trade ends with his competency. The humorous tales of almost falling. The hair raising tales of dealing with near death experiences on bad roofs that were dangerous. Idiotic things encountered when professional roofers were finally called in by new property owners, and what they had to fix properly that had been band-aided by prior owners.

   Modern roofing tales always end with the big shifting over to metal roofing that was taking over the industry. Cub dispensed rules of thumb that would help the amateur metal roofing he saw around. Where to buy the raw metal sheets without paying the big markups from the home improvement stores. How to test the rubber gaskets on the new roofing nails, that they wouldn't disintegrate after a few seasons dealing with the high temperatures in summer, and the low temperatures of winter.

   The bikers didn't get tanked up as some of the boys did. Grizz was in charge of his friend's drinking. He quietly suggested when it was time for another drink, and more importantly when it wasn't. When all the boys got to drinking too much around them, they smiled and nodded at all the beer muscle stories. Each shared a couple of stories of bar fights when it was their turn to do so. None of their stories were outlandish or unbelievable. Then, they stayed out of further conversations on the subject.

   Grizz winked over at Panic and Merry sitting next to each other. His wink said "if they only knew". Panic winked and smiled back.

   After the obligatory beer muscle stories had gone around the campfire two or three times, everyone had exhausted their repertoire of such stories. Something new was needed to feed the boy's collective need to share macho stories. A gap was there to be filled. Grizz on the sly produced a small jar of something dried. A tall thin jar of what looked similar to irregular sticks of incense. Panic was puzzled, and Merry smiled. Nodded.

   Grizz turned the conversation to spice and hot flavors. It became the new topic of drunken conversation. Some of the guys bragged about how hot of food they themselves had eaten previously, and how others around them hadn't.

   Skykid was in his element talking about food and flavoring. He pointed out that a few people liked "sweet" flavoring, indicating the relatively small metal tray of taco meat. Sedate spice levels. Another metal tray was a little bigger but not by much… that was the "hot" taco meat. For the guys that liked such a thing. The biggest tray was the middle tray, the "medium" or "regular" level of hot spices. The taco sauces were lined up in the same three level row, mild medium and hot.

   Grizz had been eating the hot tray of taco meat, and had been using the hottest home made taco sauce Skykid had made for taco night. Cub preferred medium meat and medium sauce. Grizz had teased him to try the hot taco sauce for those that enjoyed such; Cub laughed and shook his head.

   Grizz carried the hot spice braggarts conversation for a while, then proposed a challenge. Did anyone want to try something really macho? Drunk and beer muscled, some of the boys had locked themselves in with their bragging. The men around them all turned and looked at them. As one man said…

   "Hey… I ain't the one been talking hot pepper shit the last hour… go on, big boy…"

   Grizz proposed his challenge. He had small jars of dried peppers. He had three jars. Spicy, hot, and really hot. Who wanted to try spicy? Grizz smiled easily. He took one out and put one in his mouth. Chewed it up. Swallowed it with a mouthful of beer. His face got distinctly red. Sweat beaded on his forehead. Then it subsided.

   "Ah! Good stuff. It'll cure what ails you!"

   Everyone that had bragged about eating hot spiced food simply had to try one. A bunch of hooting and hollering ensued as faces got red, sweat beaded, pulses rose… and subsided. Even Merry had one. She stomped around and fanned her mouth, and drank her beer slowly. Complaining and fanning her lips for a time afterwards.

   "Yeah… you boys can play this game. Jar #1 was enough for me… fuck this."

   Then, it was time for jar #2. A few of the spice boys declined, they were the ones fanning their mouths after the first jar; they didn't want #2 after tasting #1. Merry waved her hands "no" and everyone laughed.

   Grizz went first. Smiling. His face got redder for a little longer. More sweat for a longer period of time. Noticeably brighter red ears.

   "Whoo!… now, that's… a little tangy…"

   Most of the spice boys stayed in it. Pulled one out, and looked at it. Sniffed it and recoiled. Finally slid it in their mouths and chewed it up. It was way worse. Grizz's redness and increased sweating had seemed tolerable enough, but once in their mouths? Everyone was laughing at the antics most of those that tried it went through.

   After a little break, Grizz explained that the last jar was the good stuff. He opened the jar, and passed it around for an exploratory sniff. One guy that wanted a sniff that wasn't a spice enthusiast made a choking sound and his eyes watered.

   "What? Am I eating spicy stuff with a bunch of women? It ain't that bad…"

   Grizz put one of the now highly suspect dried pepper sticks into his mouth. Chewed it up. Swallowed. His face got so flushed it was practically comical. Sweat not only beaded his forehead, it ran down in streams. He even opened his mouth and fanned his mouth with his hand a little. His eyes teared.

   After about a minute, it was over. He offered the jar around. Only three guys risked one, to a large amount of good nature jeering and cajoling among all the male camaraderie. The result was instant, after a several second wait for the high heat to hit. All three went crazy with comical antics.

   Grizz just took two out, and chewed on them at once. Smiling. Mopping the sweat off his forehead.

   Everyone was quiet out of respect for his ability to take the spicy heat. Everyone played the game of sniffing the hot jar and choking and laughing about the stinging in their nose and the uncontrollable eye watering.

   After a while, as the last of the hot spice joke was starting to subside…

   "You know, I almost forgot, guys. I have one more jar. Thing is, it's a new pepper I been growing. Don't rightly know where in the scheme of things it goes. Anyone want to help me try it out?"

   No one wanted to "try out" the unknown new pepper. Surely if this guy was nervous about trying it out, it had to be bad.

   Grizz did his best to put their fears to rest. He sniffed the open jar. Said it didn't smell that bad, and offered it around for sniffs. Everyone was curious. True to his word, it didn't smell that bad. Everyone agreed, it was probably more like #2, it definitely didn't choke and sting anything like #3 did to sniff at the jar mouth.

   Still, no one wanted one. He couldn't tease anyone into it.

   "Nobody?"

   Merry finally stood up and walked over.

   "Oh, let me smell that thing… for Christ's sake."

   Merry took a sniff. Shrugged. Pulled one out. Everyone watched in anticipation as she finally decided to try it. She popped it in her mouth. Chewed it up. Swallowed. Her face got a little red. A few drops of sweat appeared on her forehead. Then it was over.

   "Honestly? It's not as bad as jar #1, Grizz."

   Merry had complained about jar #1. Waved off round #2 and round #3. It obviously wasn't that bad.

   "Seriously guys, it's not that bad. More… tangy, than hot, really. Gimme another one of those…"

   Merry willingly got another one and enjoyed it. She shrugged easily, and popped two more in, while still chewing up the first single one. It obviously wasn't that bad.

   Now, simply everyone that had even been in on jar #1 had to have one. After all, the girl that had complained on jar #1 and refused to continue? Had wanted more. It had to be fairly sedate as compared to the others.

   All the spice boys decided to get one, and they would all eat it together. On the count of three, they all popped it into their mouths and started chewing it up and swallowed.

   One by one, they all decided it wasn't that hot… when it struck them all quickly, one after another. Running around. Dumping water in their mouths, and spitting it back out. Some tried beer and it didn't help any better than the water. They all had watered eyes that cried uncontrollably. They ended up laying down, complaining.

   It was never really "over". They were holding their stomachs complaining for some time afterwards. As all the pandemonium and laughter ceased, one voice poked up.

   "Wait a minute… why didn't Merry get hurt? She never went past jar #1."

   Another voice suspected a rat, it must have been sleight of hand, she ate one of the milder #1 dried pepper sticks. Merry said it was no trick, did they want to see her eat two of them at once?

   Merry plopped two into her mouth and chewed them up, then added a third. Smiling and shrugging.

   "A little tangy…"

   When the boys insisted it had to be some kind of trick? Merry grabbed Skykid who was sitting near her. Smiled at him. Winked. Licked her lips… and before he could figure out what the joke was, she planted her lips on his. Wound her arms around his neck to keep him in.

   It clearly wasn't a romantic kiss, she was simply planting her closed lips on his, but was holding him in. At first everyone thought he was protesting out of embarrassment, but, it soon became clear he was pushing her off him with his arms. She released him. Merry was full belly laughing as Skykid ran around fanning his open mouth. Tears starting to come out of his eyes. Everyone knew Skykid was no giant hot spice fan. Mild only.

   Merry was still smiling and chuckling as everyone quizzed him. All they could get out of Skykid was…

   "Oh my god… my fucking lips are numb…"

   When all the brouhaha subsided, Grizz came clean.

   "When we were first around Merry? One night, we were all talking about the hot wing joint. You know the deal. If you can eat a dozen of the super atomic wings, your meal and drinks are free, and you get a T shirt, and your picture up on the wall."

   Everyone nodded, sure, every area had one of those places somewhere around.

   "Anyways. You probably all know the game you play. You gotta get the new person to eat one. If they won't eat it? You sneak one into their wings on their plate. You sit back and you wait for the firecracker to go off, right? Well… we did it to Merry. She acted like nothing happened. We thought we made a mistake. Turns out? Merry can eat the hottest wings anywhere, and doesn't even think they're really that hot."

   Someone pointed out the fact she fanned her lips and refused after jar #1. Grizz laughed.

   "Right. She was acting… she says she can't even taste what most people think is hot spicy food. Till you get up into 'almost atomic' she can't even taste it."

   Merry smiled at Panic sitting next to her holding her hand.

   "Well? What can I say… I'm a cheap date if you wanna go out for hot wings, honey… any atomic wings place? They always have some challenge, where your wings are free if you can eat the atomic wings."

   A couple minutes later, Merry had Skykid give her a half a glass of his homemade Merlot she liked. She smiled at Panic and gave him the eye. He nodded. She kissed him a mouthful of wine like their regular game. When the romantic kiss was over… Panic was fanning his open mouth.

   Skykid asked him how it was.

   "I can't feel my fucking tongue. Jesus H. Christ… How long will that shit last, honey?"

   Merry smiled mischievously. The guys had been passing around a jug of milk Skykid used mainly for cooking and as coffee creamer. She had Skykid give her a dollop of milk in a fresh Styrofoam cup.

   She swished the cold milk around in her mouth. Gargled it. Swallowed. She took the last bit of milk in her mouth without swallowing, and came in for another romantic kiss.

   Panic came up from that one no longer fanning his lips.

   "Did mommy kiss it and make it better?"

   "Um. Yeah…"

   "Cold milk is the antidote to spice, hun."

   Later on, Merry pressed her lips to his ear and told him…

   "I… can eat things so hot, that you will actually cry when I kiss you. You will beg, for a kiss of cold milk. Dare me…"

   Panic pressed his lips back to her ear.

   "You… are naughty."

   Merry smiled impishly and went back to his ear.

   "When everyone else says they have a hot girl… it's just a phrase."

   Panic and Merry started saying their goodbyes around the campfire early. They explained they had to get up early, to go on a little trip with their two new friends. All everyone knew, was that Merry and Panic both rode on the back of either of the two abusively loud Harley's, and were gone for most of the day. They got back just after dark, and both seemed extremely happy. Their two new friends collected their belongings. Each hugged Merry and shook Panic's hand, then left… after telling everyone how nice it was to meet a great bunch of guys and how much fun they had.

   Merry and Panic wouldn't tell everyone exactly where they had gone, nor exactly what they had been off doing. After a couple tries at getting it out of the two of them, everyone gave up. For the time being, these two keeping secrets had become par for the course.

   All anyone knew, and that being only a couple of guys who even noticed for no real reason at all save for mere happenstance…

   Panic seemed inordinately pleased with himself, taking a business card out of his wallet. Pecking a text message out with his thumbs and sending it off. A short time later? He looked at his phone. Shared an answer with Merry. Both seemed happy about it, whatever it was.

   Panic announced later on that night? That he and Merry would in all likelihood be staying another month longer than planned. Merry reminded him that she wasn't working, and that her rent had only been paid up in her absence for a month. Panic showed her the text message, mainly just so she would fully believe him that another month of her rent had been paid, and that their debit card had been reloaded.

   "Honey? I wasn't even aware it was out… the damn thing has been working just fine, when I swipe purchases."

   Merry was sitting on his lap, and Panic had his arms around her, talking to her softly out of everyone elses earshot.

   "We don't spend much off of the card staying here, Merry. All the same? The guy that sent us up here, to get us out of the city… he reloaded the card and told us to stay here another month."

   "We haven't even been here the whole month in the first place."

   "Do you like it here, Merry?"

   She scraped her head up and down a couple times on his T shirt, setting in his lap.

   "So, we just go with it then."

   "It… just seems too easy. To stay here. Doing the right thing? I'm used to it being more of an uphill battle, normally."

   "Merry, have you ever heard me say, that when you're in the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing… success just happens all by itself?"

   "Yeah…"

   "Well then? Here… now… doing nothing… everything's coming together just fine so far. When the horse is walking in the right direction, last thing I wanna do is yank on the reins."